Such "internally Ugly" people.......

[ladyinlimbo]

On Sunday night, when I foolishly agreed to meet my ex (after 8 months of him trying to convince me to do so), so we could "talk", as he put it.......I remember one of the rude things that he said to me and it makes me so angry; why I didn't just walk away and go home, I don't know. With him, he often did (and still does) say rude things and it wasn't until much later that I realized how rude they were.....and sadly, at the time he'd say these things, I would instinctively defend myself.

 

I was telling him how I finally hired someone to do mow my lawn, trim etc - for only $18/week (that's ridiculously cheap around here). His response? "what's wrong, your a$$ broken?" (his usual sarcastic, belittling taunts). Of course I quickly and calmly defended myself, "well I work full time, long hours, it's nice after all these years to have someone else do it." There I was, having to freaking justify it. How pathetic is that! And most ironically, this coming from:

 

a) a guy who lives in a townhouse that was finished being built 1.5 yrs ago and up until 2 months ago, still had sh*tloads of construction debris and garbage and dead trees strewn across his front yard (looked horrible).

 

b) this coming from a guy who bragged to me last summer, when I'd come over to his house after spending a good hour mowing my lawn (very large yard, front and back), telling him why I was late coming over -- and he'd brag and brag about how that kind of thing was 'beneath him now' because in his townhouse development, there are landscaping people who do this on a weekly basis and how that's one of the reasons he bought a townhouse! -- and basically how I was just one of the little pee-ons out there who still had to do such menial tasks (funny thing; I pay $18/wk -- he pays friggin $250 a month, now who's the smart one? - especially considering he just had sod put in and had still been paying these fees all this time for NOTHING!)

 

I think back to all of the rude things he said to me and how i would instinctively defend myself. My God, what was I thinking!!

 

I remember once last summer, we were out camping........he put on this pair of really cheezy shorts he'd bought at Walmart (they were cheap and hideous, cost Mr Cheapskate $10 - big saggy cotton shorts with big flowers all over them - I think they were actually young boys' boxers, not even shorts)...he laughed at them, so did I. I said to him, "you better not wear those out in public or people will think you're gay!".............his response, "well all they'd have to do is see me together with you and they'd think I was gay." I did let him have it then.............told him how incredibly rude and uncalled for that comment was.......well then he pouted about how "rude" I was being in response. Such a child.

 

Always picking at me. The way I drove, the way I parked, the way I painted the rooms in my house, the way I boiled water on the stove at his house, the way I cooked, the way I dressed, the purses I had, the jewelry I wore, the type of undies I wore (apparently string bikini undies are "not sexy" according to him, he called them 'granny panties'), my career, my inability to start a campfire, you name it he made fun of it. I really started to end up believing that maybe I was too sensitive and that I needed to develop a thicker skin. I did try hard to let most of his comments slide but I don't ever want to waste one more minute of my life with such a smart mouthed punk.

[johan]

What an ass that guy is. It's amazing how badly people can behave and never even see it. Similar to how some people can have really bad breath, but seem never to smell it themselves.

 

When your ex was such a screw up, moving on isn't all that hard, is it.

[kizik]

Always picking at me. The way I drove, the way I parked, the way I painted the rooms in my house, the way I boiled water on the stove at his house, the way I cooked, the way I dressed, the purses I had, the jewelry I wore, the type of undies I wore (apparently string bikini undies are "not sexy" according to him, he called them 'granny panties'), my career, my inability to start a campfire...

 

AS*HOLE!! Sounds a lot like my ex girlfriend. Who was a BITCH!

[ladyinlimbo]

Kizik: seems to me I've read you state that your girlfriend was a narcissist. mine definitely was.

 

I remember once when we'd gone out for a nice dinner; as usual I was dressed up (looked kinda hot if I do say so myself lol) and he wasn't, his usual "I am already too cool, I don't need to dress up" attitude. We got back home. we were sitting on the couch watching TV. He puts his arm around me and I feel him feeling the underside of my upper arm. He pinches a tiny bit of skin and says "flabby arms!" I was embarassed and appalled. I truly don't have underarm flab, not in the least. I wanted to die, I was so shocked and embarassed. I asked him "what would possess a guy to say such a thing to his girlfriend?" he just and told me it wasn't an insult.....I asked him "then what the hell was it, a compliment?"

 

He used to tell me I had a fat ass (when we were fighting). Basically he turned me into a woman who was confident with her body to someone who didn't want him to see it naked. Then he'd throw that in my face -- that I was too shy, that I should let him see me naked, that men are visual and I had such a great body and I should show it to him more. funny thing though.............whenever we'd shower together, he'd insist the light be turned off. Why? Because he was self-conscious about his love handles/gut. Go f*cking figure. People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, huh?

[Lizzie60]

How about you stop complaining and do something about it..

 

you said it yourself... you 'foolishly agreed to meet my ex'

 

like... as if you didn't know what a jerk he is and that he will once more 'verbally abuse you' ...

 

why I didn't just walk away and go home, I don't know.

 

see... you keep going back for more... you are allowing this jerk to abuse you.. just stop!!!

[littlekitty]

He sounds like a complete ass.

 

Lizzie has a point though... don't put yourself through it again. There's no need?! Be thankful you don't have to live with that anymore.

[ladyinlimbo]

I am doing something about it, Lizzie. For once in forever, I'm "getting it all out." I never had the opportunity to do it before (or didn't take the opportunity). I'm finding it's very cathartic. I haven't spoken to him since Sunday. It's now Friday. He's emailed me and I haven't even read it. Posting this stuff here is helping to really let it all sink in. It's therapeutic. I'm venting, and doing NC.

[underpants]

This meeting was Sunday past.

 

Is that the last contact you had with him physically? Then the email that said you were done?

 

Is that right?

 

Are you really done?

 

He exhibits classic emotional abuse. He hits you with little negative emotional hits then laughs it off. Probably hugs you right after and then tells you how sensitive and cute you are. Maybe that he was only kidding. This crap only escalates and gets worse.

 

That stuff will erode your soul. The good news is that you can heal from it and he will just eventually transfer the same behaviors onto someone else. Probably rewriting history to make him the victim of your abandonment.

 

Are you really done?

[ladyinlimbo]

Yes, I really and truly am done. I have been done all these months, and even when I agreed to meet him on Sunday, I'm telling you honestly - I met him with an attitude of "let's hear what transparent, manipulative BS he has to say - so I can tell him to his face that I don't buy it." As it turns out though, we didn't talk much, or HE didn't talk much - except about himself and all of his wonderful accomplishments of late. I looked at him and felt absolutely zero attraction. I saw a clumsy big immature, selfish boy and definitely not the man I "thought" he had been. If nothing else, it further confirmed my conviction to not get back with him. Back when I was in such a rut with him, I'd have likely bought the BS and gone weak in the knees - but meeting him showed me how far I've come. In addition to the total lack of physical attraction, I was so not attracted to what was on the 'inside' -- so empty, so vacant, so transparent, so childish.

 

It felt good to reject him. I'm sure he thought he had the cat in the bag -- that he was so charming and so "the bomb" that I would just melt at his feet and we'd go back into fantasyland and this weekend we'd be out camping together, just like old times. Not.

 

Just reading the posts of others here, and how they were mistreated -- and putting into words (here), the things he's done and said, it's made it all the more clear. I screwed up a long time ago. I missed blatant red flags and for that I have myself to blame. I'd give anything to be able to turn back the clock and make better choices but I can't. But I can really learn the lessons and take things from all of this, so as not to let history repeat itself. For all the sh*t, good came from it because I did become a stronger person. I am proud of myself for having resisted all these months. The 'old me' never would have been able to do that. Even though it may not seem like it, I have made progress in this regard.

 

Yes, I am done. Total NC.

[underpants]

Yes, I am done. Total NC.

 

Well, good for you.

 

I understand how difficult it can be to extricate yourself from a relationship like this. Believe me.

 

It is certainly one thing for you to be done, and quite another for him to be done with you.

 

Just be smart and be aware. He may display some antics (like the camera thing or something else) as the no contact period continues past his usual supply schedule.

 

Try to remember that it does no good to respond to it. Keep telling yourself that and remind yourself why he is not healthy for you. I made a list and kept it beside my computer and read the list each time he emailed. That helped with the not responding.

 

What is funny is that should you ever have to deal with him again. Which I sincerely hope that you do not. If you were to make the slightest criticism of him he would probably come unglued. I don't suggest this as it will just open another can of worms and keep it going. However, it is a funny thing to see.

 

You said you have a web based email. Is it possible to create another one and transfer your other contacts over to that address? So you don't visit the one he knows about regularly? Just a thought.

 

Take care, you will get past this.

[dead-dyke]

Well, it sounds like you don't need anymore comments on this guy. So I'll just not say he's an ass. He's a donkey.