AnLandy Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 Since my fiance and I ended the engagement on Saturday, I have been in the NC zone. When we were saying goodbye on Saturday, I suggested a two-week NC period, and he agreed that it was probably a good idea. Ironically, I am now tempted to break it. I even wrote him and e-mail, but I didn't sent it. It's saved to my "draft" box. Should I send it?
confused and broken Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 No............. you should not send it... You ended your engagement for a reason and now it is over You are now on the long hard process called moving on... And moving on has nothing to do with him... Actually it has everything to do with staying away from him at all costs Easier said then done I know but, whatever you do do not even dream of sending that email...delete it and never consider it again
df273 Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 for you own sake, please do not send it. atleast not until the 2 week NC period is over. curious, but how was the breakup initiated?
kizik Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 Each day of NC gets easier. As the dumper, you contacting him borders on cruel. It will instill a false sense of hope in him. Please, leave him alone. I respect why you had to leave, but from his end, he is suffering and the best thing you can do is to let him recover without your interruptions.
Author AnLandy Posted July 3, 2008 Author Posted July 3, 2008 for you own sake, please do not send it. atleast not until the 2 week NC period is over. curious, but how was the breakup initiated? We had been going through a really rought patch that centered around the stress of combining our lives. I had put my house on the market, we were looking at rentals, and I was in the process of packing up to move 50 miles. As all of this was going on, we both just started to get more and more nervous and more and more concerned about the fundamental differences in our personalities, goals, and lifestyles. He asked me on Saturday if I could offer him reassurances that I was confident that we were both right for each other, and that we would make the marriage work. (He brought up the fact that we both had our profiles posted on eHarmony at the same time, yet we were never matched. He was brought this issue up several times in the past three months). I was honest and told him that I couldn't predict the future, and I didn't know if we would work of not. As we kept talking, it became more and more evident that both of us were really starting to have doubts about our basic differences. The decsion to end the engagement was mutual. He expressed an interest in being friends once we had let some time pass. I told him that I was open to this, but I just needed a little time to let that last little glimmer of hope for our future burn out. When I went to his apartment to pick my things up on Monday, he had left me a note on the dining room table. The tone was pretty much "friendly". He even told me to take a peach with me out the bowl in the kitchen, because he knows I am horrible about eating my fruits and veggies.
northstar1 Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 Since my fiance and I ended the engagement on Saturday, I have been in the NC zone. When we were saying goodbye on Saturday, I suggested a two-week NC period, and he agreed that it was probably a good idea. Ironically, I am now tempted to break it. I even wrote him and e-mail, but I didn't sent it. It's saved to my "draft" box. Should I send it? Don't send it. I have a few 'drafts' sitting in my folder, long drawn out emails with all my thoughts. Came close to sending them, but realized that Id' regret and it would serve no real purpose.
stillstrong1 Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 AnLandy, Don't contact him. Remember, you ended the relationship because you realized that you two were just incompatible. If you get back together again, you will break up again down the line, but with more hurt. I know it's hard to let go of something, even if it wasn't right, but all it is is a drug in our system, your craving has nothing to do with him in particular. You need to go through the withdrawal period to flush out the drug.
sunshinegirl Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 To be honest, I don't think two weeks of NC is nearly long enough. I would suggest you go at least 30, or even better, 60 days without contact. That way you can both clear your head and let the emotional waves settle a little bit. If there is something to salvage, it will still be salvageable in 1 or 2 months' time.
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