mopar crazy Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 I am so irritated w/ my H right now I could strangle him! He is a golf FREAK! He eats, drinks, sleeps golf. On Mondays he plays on a league at one course, Thursdays he plays on the local one, and on sometimes on Tuesday (I don't know if he will be playing every Tues.) he plays at another one. Then on Fridays he goes after work and plays w/ his work buddies. One day on the weekend he plays in a tournament. Golf is his OW. He usually is home around 8:00-8:30 but then heads off to work 2 hours later. I know he needs his time but if I was gone this much for a hobby he would have a fit. It doesn't bother me as much now as when the kids were little but still, he spends more time golfing than he does being a H or a father. I keep thinking that when the kids are grown and out of the house it's gonna be reversed. He will want to spend time w/ them and they will push him away b/c he did the same to them. This will end up biting him in the a$$ in the end and he only has himself to blame. It could be worse, he could be out sitting at the bars getting drunk and I am very thankful for that. However, it really pisses me off that his parents are here from out of state visiting and he isn't putting off his golf games. He sleeps all day and then goes to golf leaving me to entertain his parents all day and night. He sees them and visits w/ them for probably two or three hours a day. I would NEVER do this to him.
Lookingforward Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 I am so irritated w/ my H right now I could strangle him! He is a golf FREAK! He eats, drinks, sleeps golf. On Mondays he plays on a league at one course, Thursdays he plays on the local one, and on sometimes on Tuesday (I don't know if he will be playing every Tues.) he plays at another one. Then on Fridays he goes after work and plays w/ his work buddies. One day on the weekend he plays in a tournament. Golf is his OW. He usually is home around 8:00-8:30 but then heads off to work 2 hours later. I know he needs his time but if I was gone this much for a hobby he would have a fit. It doesn't bother me as much now as when the kids were little but still, he spends more time golfing than he does being a H or a father. I keep thinking that when the kids are grown and out of the house it's gonna be reversed. He will want to spend time w/ them and they will push him away b/c he did the same to them. This will end up biting him in the a$$ in the end and he only has himself to blame. It could be worse, he could be out sitting at the bars getting drunk and I am very thankful for that. However, it really pisses me off that his parents are here from out of state visiting and he isn't putting off his golf games. He sleeps all day and then goes to golf leaving me to entertain his parents all day and night. He sees them and visits w/ them for probably two or three hours a day. I would NEVER do this to him. Hide his golf clubs until his parents leave
2sunny Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 yep my xH did the same thing - golf 3-4 times a week for years... then i found out years later that at times when he said he was golfing he was with OW... he'd come home with some sort of sweet token gift or flowers to appease me. it only occurs to me at times like this when i actually am reminded of the events that surrounded his so called golf time. i wasn't ever the mad type of gal - but in retrospect i should have been.
jerbear Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 Hide his golf clubs until his parents leave Also take the putter, 5 & 7 iron out, then hide them in different places.
GPFan Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 You are a Golf Widow unless you take up the sport yourself. Give it a try, you might like it.
jerbear Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 I guess I'm not seeing this as funny like some other posters. I would look into having a compromise, such as he golfs only 2 days a week instead of four. When it's to the point where his kids are basically growing up without a father, then there's a problem. The other woman does not necessary have to be a real woman. Time spent outside of the relationship can detract from the real relationship. Instead of building a relationship to build an emotional bond, the "cheater" redirects their needs to outside passions. The other woman in this case would be golf.
sb129 Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 Its important to have outside interests, but your H does seem to be taking the P*ss a bit. I assume his level of involvement in golf means that you don't have much time left to pursue your own interests outside of keeping house and looking after the kids? I was going to suggest that you get an interest of your own and start spending as much time and money on it as he does golf, however that won't do your kids any good. You need to talk about it and reach some kind of compromise.
sb129 Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 The other woman does not necessary have to be a real woman. Time spent outside of the relationship can detract from the real relationship. Instead of building a relationship to build an emotional bond, the "cheater" redirects their needs to outside passions. The other woman in this case would be golf. My OW are football and fishing, although that means I get time to spend with the OM, which are LS and silversmithing so all is OK for now....
jerbear Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 You are a Golf Widow unless you take up the sport yourself. Give it a try, you might like it. Yelp, she can threaten him jokingly. If he doesn't make par, no 19th hole for him!
OpenBook Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 Your H has an A on you, asks you for a D and abandons you, then comes back begging - only to return to this??!? My God, how much more bad treatment are you willing to take from this man? (Apparently he thinks it's infinite.) He doesn't seem to be too concerned about your happiness at all. Was he ever? How do you live like that, mopar? Seriously. I am completely mystified.
Lizzie60 Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 Mopar... my MM from work is going golfing next week.. he's on holidays for 2 weeks.. in fact he will be 'golfing' in my bed.. it's an excuse to spend the day with me.. we haven't seen each other for a few weeks.. I was busy with the moving.. I'm not saying your H doesn't play golf.. I'm just saying that it could also be an excuse once in a while..
2sunny Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 Mopar... my MM from work is going golfing next week.. he's on holidays for 2 weeks.. in fact he will be 'golfing' in my bed.. it's an excuse to spend the day with me.. we haven't seen each other for a few weeks.. I was busy with the moving.. I'm not saying your H doesn't play golf.. I'm just saying that it could also be an excuse once in a while.. i too, felt that way when i was married... i often wondered if he was REALLY golfing when he said he was. it's an easy out for the golfer because a big allotment of time is set aside with the assumption that they may be "out of range" by phone and all. how easy is that if you plan to spend time with OW? not really any easy or good way to check on where they are or for how long... even if their car is in the parking lot etc. how do you know for sure they are on the golf course? just saying... don't mean to alarm you... just putting out there feelings that i had for years and actually forgot about them until now...
sb129 Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 Your H has an A on you, asks you for a D and abandons you, then comes back begging - only to return to this??!? My God, how much more bad treatment are you willing to take from this man? (Apparently he thinks it's infinite.) He doesn't seem to be too concerned about your happiness at all. Was he ever? How do you live like that, mopar? Seriously. I am completely mystified. Well that puts a different perspective on things... I truly hope he is only playing golf... doesn't he still have a bit to prove to you in the "good Husband" department though?
Mr. Lucky Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 Your H has an A on you, asks you for a D and abandons you, then comes back begging - only to return to this??!? My God, how much more bad treatment are you willing to take from this man? (Apparently he thinks it's infinite.) He doesn't seem to be too concerned about your happiness at all. Was he ever? How do you live like that, mopar? Seriously. I am completely mystified. Remembering your story Mopar, I'd have to agree. Under those circumstances, a WS would get one chance. Whether he blew that chance on golf, an OW or frisbee would be up to him. I'd tell him to go find another tee box... Mr. Lucky
GPFan Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 Your H has an A on you, asks you for a D and abandons you, then comes back begging - only to return to this??!? My God, how much more bad treatment are you willing to take from this man? (Apparently he thinks it's infinite.) He doesn't seem to be too concerned about your happiness at all. Was he ever? How do you live like that, mopar? Seriously. I am completely mystified.I didn't realise this comes on the heels of an affair. I can only add: Who you are speaks so loudly I can't hear what you're saying. --Ralph Waldo Emerson What is your Husband really saying to you?
2sunny Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 I didn't realise this comes on the heels of an affair. I can only add: What is your Husband really saying to you? i suppose it would mean that golf is his priority... the marriage is not. whether or not his golf time is on the up and up - he's still choosing to spend his time away from the family instead of working on the problems and making corrections for his amends is not his priority.
Mz. Pixie Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Your H has an A on you, asks you for a D and abandons you, then comes back begging - only to return to this??!? My God, how much more bad treatment are you willing to take from this man? (Apparently he thinks it's infinite.) He doesn't seem to be too concerned about your happiness at all. Was he ever? How do you live like that, mopar? Seriously. I am completely mystified. This is me too. I've asked you before MC- What are you getting from this marriage??
Lookingforward Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Not to gang up on you mopar, but now in light of this (especially OBs post) I'm starting to wonder the same. This isn't your normal 'golf widow' story.......this is total DISrespect of you, your M and what he's put you through previously - how DARE he put golf ahead of you ? Where is the effort he should be putting in to reconciling with you ?
Author mopar crazy Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 I forgot I even posted this thread. First thing I do want to say is that I honestly don't think he is using golf as an excuse to see an OW. I have no proof he is not seeing an OW and I can't accuse him of being w/ an OW if I don't see any red flags. I don't like accusing ppl of things w/o evidence. When he had his first A there was plenty of red flags. I understand what you are saying about his A and him trying to make amends for it by putting our M first. However, his A was 5 years ago and he didn't golf that much back then. He played twice a week w/ an occassional tournament on weekend day. This is the first golf season he has golfed this much. B4 he was only a member of one golf course, this years it's three! Golf is a big part of his life, in fact some times (like some of you said) it's a bigger part of his life than our M or children. Now, I could be totally wrong about that BUT that is how I personally feel. He spends more time golfing than he does w/ us so that is why I feel that way. He has been golfing since he was young. Is he any good? Yes, I would say he is. He has been first place in leagues and tournaments several times. He has brought home cash winnings and has shared them w/ me. The last tournament they won a GC at the Pro Shop. He used the GC to buy me a Titleist golf hat which he knew I had been wanting. He could have used it on himself and even the guys said "You are spending your winnings on your W?" so that did make me feel good. Could he have been w/ an OW and brought that home b/c he felt guilty? I highly doubt it. I think golf is more important to him than getting laid TBH w/ ya. He is even running his own golf business on the side. He is constantly buying and selling golf supplies. Him and his good friend are in business together. Yest he played in a golf tournament at one of the courses he is a member of. His partner drove to our place and parked his car and they rode together. If he was seeing an OW he wouldn't be going w/ his friend. PLZ don't give me that "they are probably both doing the OW' crap b/c it wont fly w/ me. He has taken me golfing a few times but it's not my thing but I will continue to try. When we do go we do have fun together, have long talks, enjoy each other's company, etc. However, being gone all the time to play golf is really starting to piss me off. I told him he really needs to think about giving up a course next spring b/c there is no reason to be a member of three courses. He agreed to give the one up on the other side of the county. We'll see. I don't sit around and not have a life while he has his golf life. I do go out and do things. Usually I go spend time w/ my sil so I am not sitting at home all the time. I do one sport activity once a week but it's during the fall and winter. I am gone once a week until about 10:30 at night. Sometimes I stay a little later if I don't have to work the next day. Also, I spend one weekend a year at State. I'm sure there are plenty of you thinking that I am blind and think there is an OW but if there is, he sure is hiding it well. IF and that is a BIG IF he was having an A I would leave his ass immediately! I can't prove he is having an A but I do know that if I find out he is having one his ass will be gone. I can't go into a law office and say "I want a D, my H is having an A" when I don't know if he is. However, if I do find out he is having an A I will post here so you can all say "I TOLD YOU SO!" Honestly, I don't think that will be happening any time soon.
Author mopar crazy Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 Ok, I asked H to read this thread to get other's POV on it. He got a chuckle on the "Is he any good?" comment. He said he understands my frustrations but wanted me to post that he only does golf April through around Sept and then the fall and winter he doesn't do anything, which is true. He said he still plans on quitting the one course next spring. He told me he has turned down a couple tournaments by a couple of guys that want to play w/ him but he turned them down b/c we are going on a mini vacation next weekend, which is also true. About the ow part. He said I am more than welcome to call the guys and he would give me their numbers. I said I wont do that. He said that I could go to the course and find him also. That is too much work since the courses are any where from 10 miles to 20 miles away. If I have to do this just for him to prove he isn't having an A then I need to end the M now b/c I wont live like that. I will know if he is having an A by other means, not by looking for him or spying on him. And if he is that stupid to have an A on me again then he'd better leave town b/c he wont be well liked around here. I grew up around here, know many ppl,have many friends. My dad had a successful business for many years and both of my brothers currently have their own well known business.My family is well known in the community. My dad has already told me "If he does this ***** again to you I am going to kick his a$$!" and my dad is a born again Christian. So, I know if he has an A again I will have tons more support than I did the first time. I am not worried about him having another A, he isn't that stupid, but if he is, he is in for a world of hurt and mommy wont be able to bail him out of that one.
Lookingforward Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Ok, I asked H to read this thread to get other's POV on it. He got a chuckle on the "Is he any good?" comment. He said he understands my frustrations but wanted me to post that he only does golf April through around Sept and then the fall and winter he doesn't do anything, which is true. He said he still plans on quitting the one course next spring. He told me he has turned down a couple tournaments by a couple of guys that want to play w/ him but he turned them down b/c we are going on a mini vacation next weekend, which is also true. About the ow part. He said I am more than welcome to call the guys and he would give me their numbers. I said I wont do that. He said that I could go to the course and find him also. That is too much work since the courses are any where from 10 miles to 20 miles away. If I have to do this just for him to prove he isn't having an A then I need to end the M now b/c I wont live like that. I will know if he is having an A by other means, not by looking for him or spying on him. And if he is that stupid to have an A on me again then he'd better leave town b/c he wont be well liked around here. I grew up around here, know many ppl,have many friends. My dad had a successful business for many years and both of my brothers currently have their own well known business.My family is well known in the community. My dad has already told me "If he does this ***** again to you I am going to kick his a$$!" and my dad is a born again Christian. So, I know if he has an A again I will have tons more support than I did the first time. I am not worried about him having another A, he isn't that stupid, but if he is, he is in for a world of hurt and mommy wont be able to bail him out of that one. LOL, well I hope that isn't true!! That should then be the time he spends effort on doing things with you that YOU like to do..... and fwiw I nevr thought he was using the 'golf excuse', seen too many hobby obsessed guys
2sunny Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 i suppose it would mean that golf is his priority... the marriage is not. whether or not his golf time is on the up and up - he's still choosing to spend his time away from the family instead of working on the problems and making corrections for his amends is not his priority. read this post again... i am not necessarily pointing at an affair. i was merely making notice of so much time away from the family. it's the time away that can make a gal feel as though a hobby or work is the same as an OW.
Author mopar crazy Posted July 15, 2008 Author Posted July 15, 2008 LOL, well I hope that isn't true!! That should then be the time he spends effort on doing things with you that YOU like to do..... and fwiw I nevr thought he was using the 'golf excuse', seen too many hobby obsessed guys We do things together, don't get me wrong. What I meant is that during the fall and winter months he doesn't play any sports.
Lizzie60 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 We do things together, don't get me wrong. What I meant is that during the fall and winter months he doesn't play any sports. If I were you.. I would be so freaken curious that I would 'check' him once in a while just to be absolutely certain that he is golfing.. (don't let him read this )... but that's just me.. I don't think I would ever trust him again.
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