trubella Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 I feel like sitting him down at the computer and making him change it would be really controlling and pushy... but I am starting to feel like it's the only way it will get done. But I don't really WANT it to be done that way, I want him to do it himself to prove that he really does want to... i dont see it as being controlling if he initially brought up changing the status on your pages in the first place. so he shouldnt be upset if you gave him a little push to do it next time your together, this time be there to see him get on his page, he wont have any excuse for not changing it. if he has time to update his page and so on he can change the status as well. only takes a minute. unless theres a reason behind him not wanting to change it shouldve been done already.
NatoPMT Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 facebook status as showing your in a relationship could be the new media equivalent of picking lint off your bfs jacket - wanting it is an ownership gesture what would matter to me would be why he wont change it. if hes just showing his independence and resisting any what he could see as too fast, i could accept it - once you let someone do something of their own accord then they do it cos they want to, and you both know he wants to. anything under duress devalues the gesture i would ask him why, with the perspective that you will understand and accept anything that is acceptable, sometimes he might just say he doesnt want to for fear of your reaction. There could be ropey reasons for it though, and it would set my spider senses going i think. I momentarily recognise my oh doesnt mention me on friendsreunited, but then my sensible side realises that he has no reason to mention me so i dont let myself react to it. if he treats you well, and theres no other red flags, then tell him you understand if he doesnt want to, but could he explain why, and if he needs to be independent for eg, accept it. If theres other niggles, then be wary and take it slow (depending on what they are)
sweet_tea12 Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 some guys and girls like to take their time and be cautious, so it may be he's trying to take the right steps before things go official, or it may even be that he'd hide the status of his relationship from facebook. Either way I would say it's important. If he eventually chooses to hide the status and take out the looking for part, you should watch his actions carefully. Does he introduce you as his girlfriend to his close friends and want to show you off? That may mean he just doesn't feel comfortable announcing it to the rest of the public world. Or does it feel like he's still playing the field and seeing what his options are? And if he just keeps his status as single and looking for all this other stuff, I would say that he's not taking the idea of you two as a couple very seriously. I'd try to confront him about this?
trubella Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 some guys and girls like to take their time and be cautious, so it may be he's trying to take the right steps before things go official, or it may even be that he'd hide the status of his relationship from facebook. Either way I would say it's important. If he eventually chooses to hide the status and take out the looking for part, you should watch his actions carefully. Does he introduce you as his girlfriend to his close friends and want to show you off? That may mean he just doesn't feel comfortable announcing it to the rest of the public world. Or does it feel like he's still playing the field and seeing what his options are? And if he just keeps his status as single and looking for all this other stuff, I would say that he's not taking the idea of you two as a couple very seriously. I'd try to confront him about this? what steps exactly does one need to take? he brought up changing the status to her. my guess is he had 2nd thoughts about announcing to the world hes off the market. he's had plenty of oppurtunities to change it so something has to be behind that. if he gets defensive or upset next time you ask him about his facebook status then id worry what his deal is. dig into this a bit more to see what his reasons are.
endlesstrains Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 Well once when I asked him why he hadn't changed it yet, he mentioned that it was "so sad" when you have to change it back to single after a relationship is over. His last relationship was pretty bad and I understand he is cautious in some areas because of it. But we had a talk about stuff tonight and I told him how I felt about it all, the facebook stuff being only one facet of the general issue. And he admitted that he was being too cautious because we have been together long enough that he knows I am not going to be like his last girlfriend and he agreed he needed to let go a little bit. I explained to him how I felt that the facebook thing was another way that this problem surfaced and he said he hadn't really seen it the same way, after I explained it, but that it made sense. I told him how I felt that not wanting to change it because of it "being sad" to change it back, was assuming that our relationship would not work out and would end badly. And I didn't feel like that was a good attitude to have although I understood his reservations. I have known all along that he is trying to be cautious and not let himself get hurt but he is slowly letting his guard down more and I think at this point he just needs to give himself that little push while understanding I am NOT like his last GF. Anyway, we hung out a little after ward and before we parted ways (for the next week, since he is going on vacation) I asked him if he thought he was going to change it and if he really wanted to and he said a couple times "Check it tomorrow" so I guess that means he is going to change it. I did make it clear to him that if he truly didn't want to, I didn't want him to, but that I wish he had just been honest from the get go so that I didn't change mine and look stupid. But it looks like he is going to change it. We'll see...
Balthazar Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 Methinks you should put all this effort into making your relationship a better one, to the extent that he will want to change it by himself. I don't think badgering him about this issue is a good idea; it fact, I just think you are harping on a negative issue in your relationship, feeding him with thoughts of ambivalence. Try to be a good GF to him, show him that your relationship is an important one, and his status will change, non only in his mind but on Facebook as well. CHeers,
ddkeifo Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 Instead of doing something immature like giving the cold shoulder, you need to be completely straight forward with him. It really bothers you, so it deserves some resolution. E-mail him and say you care for him and respect his wishes about his facebook page, but that you just can't continue seeing him as more than a friend until he brings his page up to speed. Personally, I know plenty of happy couples who choose not to list their partnership on facebook, but it's the 'looking for' part that gets me.
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