jreynolds32 Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 I should start by saying that because of a past relationship that was entirely too bad to even try to describe I have a lot of trust issues to begin with. I already know that and have for a long time. Back in March I started dating someone and absolutely fell in love with her hard. I would do anything for her. But in the beginning she lied to me about a guy that was saying they slept together. She said nothing happened. Eventually she told me that they did some stuff but never had sex. I was mad because she lied to me about it. I told her that if it ever happened again then I was done. Anyone else, I would have walked away right there. But I love her. Well because I'm an idiot I kept pushing and she kept telling me nothing else happened even though a few other people said they had sex. She kept denying it. So I called a counselor to talk and they convinced me that I should drop and just start trusting her. So I did. She showed up at my work as soon as I was getting off the phone. So I told her that I was sorry and that I'd start trusting her and I was stupid not to have to begin with. As I went back inside she left a note for me on my car and told me that was the reason she had come up not just to see me. In fact she was hoping not to see me. The letter said that they did have sex and she lied about it because she didn't want it to affect us. I told her from the start I didn't care if it happened, I just wanted the truth. She had chance after chance to give me that. We talked it out and I let her know how much of an idiot I felt like having apologized for the whole thing only to find out she was lying about it. I have never felt so humiliated in my life. I reluctantly agreed to stay together because I can't even express my love for her. The whole time she told me it was just one time and there was nothing actually going on and that it ended weeks before me and her. Now I found out that four days before me and her started dating she sent an email to a friend saying that her and this guy were starting to date and that they were perfect for each other and all this crap. I haven't talked to her yet becuase she's at work. But now not only did she lie about it being nothing more than sex, she also lied about it being weeks before me and her started dating. I'm so lost I have not idea what to do. I love her to death and do not want to lose her but at the same time I don't know how to trust her anymore. I can deal with lots of stuff, but lying is not one of them. Any advice?
sid3 Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Wow that is kinda harsh. She met you right as this other guy rejected her or for some reason it didn't work out with him. For whatever reason, seems like she was pretty into him as she stated to the friend. She was lying to protect your feelings? Possibly. I think you should have a sincere talk with her. Your right, you shouldn't tolerate being lied to.
Carmen87 Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Honestly, I think she is embarassed about the whole situation as well. Chances are she lied about it because she regrets it, and would rather forget about it. She might have been used, but thought it was something more. You guys need to have a heart to heart.
daphne Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 I don't know the circumstances surrounding when she was with this guy, but I have a very different take. I don't think it's your business if she slept with the guy. I believe that's why she lied to you. In those cases, I think there's room for grey area. The fact that you were asking about it left it open to judgement and it's not your place to judge her about who she slept with unless she was promiscuous and had unsafe practices. If she slept with him while you were seeing each other, that's a very different story. But that also depends on whether there was an agreement of exclusivity or not. Idon't get the impresson that that was the case. I think this is one where you may need to lighten up. Sexual past, unless it directly affects you (i.e. core values or cheating) isn't your business.
Carmen87 Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 I am with Cupcake, it is none of anyone's business who you have slept with previous to the relationship. In fact, experts will suggest that it not be talked about in a relationship to an extent because it will actually HURT the relationship. The STD thing is a far reach for you. ANYONE can have one, including the OP and he may not know it. Does it mean he got it from her? No, not necessarily. It sounds like to me you are simply a bitter person with a bad experience.
backto1 Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 WTF mark, I'm all about being responsible when it comes to sex and STDs but you are out of control.
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