kizik Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 the more I hate you. Don't worry, I don't hate women - just you. And the more time that passes for you, the more you realize I wasn't good enough for you. That's fine. I don't care what you do or think or say, who you kiss or f*ck. Someday my hatred will fade to indifference, but for now, hating you feels good. It helps. I'm not going to forget or disregard just how awful you were to me. The way you'd bitch at me for hours about your problems, and then jump on my back when I said one word you didn't like. The way you'd make me feel like I embarrassed you in front of your friends and family. Many more reasons that caused me to see myself as less of a man. All because you're awful and you hate yourself, and you take your self-hatred out on those you know you can hurt. So, I f*cking hate your guts and it feels good. You don't even deserve my thoughts, and don't worry, you'll be out of them in due time. For now I will enjoy finally understanding the truth and reality of the terrible relationship I stupidly stayed in with your immature, cruel, self-absorbed, elitist, critical, psycho bipolar blaming c*nt ass.
foolednm Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 the more I hate you. Don't worry, I don't hate women - just you. And the more time that passes for you, the more you realize I wasn't good enough for you. That's fine. I don't care what you do or think or say, who you kiss or f*ck. Someday my hatred will fade to indifference, but for now, hating you feels good. It helps. I'm not going to forget or disregard just how awful you were to me. The way you'd bitch at me for hours about your problems, and then jump on my back when I said one word you didn't like. The way you'd make me feel like I embarrassed you in front of your friends and family. Many more reasons that caused me to see myself as less of a man. All because you're awful and you hate yourself, and you take your self-hatred out on those you know you can hurt. So, I f*cking hate your guts and it feels good. You don't even deserve my thoughts, and don't worry, you'll be out of them in due time. For now I will enjoy finally understanding the truth and reality of the terrible relationship I stupidly stayed in with your immature, cruel, self-absorbed, elitist, critical, psycho bipolar blaming c*nt ass. Excellent post!! I have been so busy hating her and worrying about her screwing this other guy that I think I am even jealous of it all. I fu*king hate her and I wish her so much pain and hurt and sorrow and a huge broken heart like she has given me. I am wasting my time thinking about her and being angry and hateful to her. Why? She doesn't know what I am going through, she sure as hell doesn't care what I'm feeling and the pain I am going through. I hate her for fooling me and suckering me into giving my life to her for 9 years and all for what? Nothing....pain, hurt, no more self esteem, and total emptiness inside of me. God, I HATE her and I wish her nothing but pain and I truly hope she goes through all the things I am going through...hopefully soon! I have even made some of my friends back away from me because I am always seeking their advice on what to do. They get tired of telling me the same thing and of me not following their advice. I feel bad that I have done that to them. I guess I just need to shut up about it with all my friends and just post up here and hopefully I can follow your advice as well. I just want to move on, I really do. I am way to obsessed with her and what she is now doing. She became a whore in less than one year. I was the second person she was ever with in her life. We were together 9 years, now, in the past year, she has been with 4 guys, including me. Why would I want that back? IT's used and tainted p*ssy. It's like old hamburger meat. I don't need that. I am done. I hate her so much.
Author kizik Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 Fooled, you never answered my question from the other thread: WHY are you letting yourself be privy to the details of her life, including who she's f*cking and how many guys she's f*cked? Ultimately it's none of your business, and knowing only hurts you. Sure, I hate my ex, and for that reason I want to know NOTHING about her.
foolednm Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Fooled, you never answered my question from the other thread: WHY are you letting yourself be privy to the details of her life, including who she's f*cking and how many guys she's f*cked? Ultimately it's none of your business, and knowing only hurts you. Sure, I hate my ex, and for that reason I want to know NOTHING about her. Well, you are right, as she has told me as well, that her life is none of my business and my life is none of hers. I did find out, via other people, who she was seeing and sleeping with. I drove by last night and he was at her house. That's where I used to be, with her, laughing and having fun. Now she's doing it with someone else. Of course that's going to bother me and hurt me, wouldn't it hurt you? My brother is the same way you are, he tells me he does NOT want to know what the ex is doing. It hurts too much, while I am the opposite, I want to know....I know what you're going to say....why do I want to know? Well, that my friend, is the big question. I don't have an answer. I guess I just don't want her to move on and be happier with someone else than she was with me. You are right. It does hurt me, and I am the only one hurting myself. She isn't, she doesn't know or care what I am going through. I am doing it to myself. So, I present to you the ultimate question.... How or what do I do to get her off my mind and how, or what, do I need to do to be able to move on WITHOUT thinking or wondering about her?
Author kizik Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 Copy and pasted from earlier today: Really realize how they mistreated you. Would you want to be with that person again? No goddamn way. So if you don't want to be with them, why do you care about them? You don't care about them. She can go f*ck and f*ck over whoever she wants and it won't affect you. YOUR prob, fooled, is that you KNOW what she's up to. She's sleeping with some dude; why have you allowed yourself to know this? Keep yourself in the dark, recall those humiliating times in which she made you feel like the biggest loser scum in the world, and ask, "Do I want to be with with, talk to, or know about such a horrible bitch?" No way. She is someone else's problem now man, and a lot of chicks can really be more harm than good. PS. your counselor sounds like an idiot
foxh1234 Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Hey Kiz, I have every reason to hate my ex but I don't. I can't hate her because I still love her. I know it sounds crazy but even though I never want to see her again and will never call her, I still love her. I will love her for a long time. Once the love fades I hope I am indifferent to everything. Just because I want to forget her and I want to hate her does not mean that I can. Believe me I want to, I just can't yet. I am completely f**ked up at the moment and hopefully I can get back on track very soon.
Author kizik Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 I can't hate her because I still love her. Fox, I just don't think I love her anymore. There's not a lot to love, based upon what she did to me, to my psyche. Even if I did still love her, I would hate her simultaneously. The best way to stop loving someone is to consistently think about how they hurt you. LS-ers will tell you not to dwell, but you have to think of these things in order to get angry, thus falling out of love with her.
Author kizik Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 Collector pointed out that hate is a useless and bad emotion. True. I think it's natural to go back and forth ("cycling," as TBF would say), and it is true that the dark times are getting fewer. This site is for catharsis, though, and maybe I don't hate her - I just really dislike her for what she has done to me. So, I'll try to keep my negativity to a min.
Antithesis Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 Some days I think the day I stop hating him will mean I am over him.. Some days I think the day I stop hating him will mean I have lost the power of hating him.. Some days I think the day I stop hating him will never occur.
Author kizik Posted July 4, 2008 Author Posted July 4, 2008 The more time that passes... the more I realize (with the help of Glover's "No More Mr. Nice Guy", thanks CaliGuy and v33) my own mistakes in the R. I neglected to put up boundaries. I put up with alllll her sh*t. I let her complain, insult, go crazy. I was not a man. I was not a man. And she WANTED me to stand up to her and say "Stop it! I'm tired of your immature behavior! I cannot handle it. If you're going to act this way, call me later. I don't wanna be around it. I'm sick of it." She WANTED me to stand up to her b/c women feel secure when you give them boundaries. They feel safe. They know you have self-respect and will not tolerate disrespect. My ex said to me once, "When you take my sh*t, it makes me lose respect for you. It makes me want to be even meaner to you." Now she'll go off and find a real man, while I try to become one. The motherf*cking buck stops here, my friends.
ZenSilk Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 Collector pointed out that hate is a useless and bad emotion. True. I think it's natural to go back and forth ("cycling," as TBF would say), and it is true that the dark times are getting fewer. This site is for catharsis, though, and maybe I don't hate her - I just really dislike her for what she has done to me. So, I'll try to keep my negativity to a min. I'm glad you posted this. I was going to ask you why you were wasting so much emotional energy in hating someone...
sailing Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 women feel secure when you give them boundaries. They feel safe. They know you have self-respect and will not tolerate disrespect. Hmm. Are you sure you're not confusing women with toddlers now? I'd say both women and men need boundaries for the same reason: to have a clear idea of what we will, and will not, tolerate without compromising ourselves. I don't so much like the idea of boundaries having to be challenged just to make the other person feel safe (I know that's not exactly what you're saying, but it's implied). Wouldn't such a behaviour in itself be disrespectful - and childish?
Author kizik Posted July 4, 2008 Author Posted July 4, 2008 Hmm. Are you sure you're not confusing women with toddlers now? I'd say both women and men need boundaries for the same reason: to have a clear idea of what we will, and will not, tolerate without compromising ourselves. I don't so much like the idea of boundaries having to be challenged just to make the other person feel safe (I know that's not exactly what you're saying, but it's implied). Wouldn't such a behaviour in itself be disrespectful - and childish? I know what you're saying, but let's face it - many women, and men, act childish. And I am remiss to be focusing on the female aspect of it. Women need to set boundaries for men too. What it comes down to is letting your partner know that their behavior is intolerable. And, if it's consistent or bad enough, that you will exit the R if it continues. It's a shame that people have to come to this point. What I am saying is that when my ex acted like a toddler, instead of telling her "No," I consistently reinforced her behavior by placating her and indulging her selfish behavior. As Glover says, it's like giving a treat to a dog who pees on the carpet.
replicator Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 Fox, I just don't think I love her anymore. There's not a lot to love, based upon what she did to me, to my psyche. Even if I did still love her, I would hate her simultaneously. The best way to stop loving someone is to consistently think about how they hurt you. LS-ers will tell you not to dwell, but you have to think of these things in order to get angry, thus falling out of love with her. Kizik, I don't know if whether hating someone makes it easier to let go of the past, and will help you get the peace of mind you should be striving towards. I tried to hate my ex. I tried to see her in the worst possible light, but I know her well enough to understand, even if I think that our break up was a mistake. I'd rather think that the many years I spent with her were worthwhile, then look back with bitterness as if it were wasted time. I think it's important we focus on what we GAIN by our loss, but try to do so in a way that will help us grow.
orangehose Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 I think hatred and anger are useful ways of distancing oneself from the ex and can be helpful in 'getting over' someone. Of course, there are reasons you were attracted to the ex too, so it's hard to do a 180 and suddenly believe they're totally evil and terrible, because then, why did you stay with them? But it's definitely helpful to realize their imperfections. As for boundaries - ABSOLUTELY! I let my ex get away with a lot of toddler-like behavior and as soon as there was any disagreement, I always tried to placate him. He had a bit of a temper and a very dramatic conflict style, so I hated having conflicts escalate. But next time - will pick someone with a more mature conflict style!
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