mmy22bys Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 my BF of over a year( rebound from mydivorce) said he needed 'space'. after a month or so, i found out 'space' meant going to florida with an ex co worker that lives in another state. they rented a motorcycle for a week, shared a hotel room (one bed) went on drink cruises, etc. i finally called her 2 weeks ago. i BEGGED him , after my conversation with her, to not talk to her. i told him if he respected me, us, at all, he wouldnt talk to her. today i found our cell phone bill, and he talked to her for 30 minutes last week. where was i? at HOME taking care of HIS children? he tells me there is nothing to worry about. my heart says to stay, logic tells me to leave. one lie after another. how much am i supposed to take? my 2 little boys look up to him as a dad. ( they see there 'real' dad 2 times a week. i'm crushed and confused. i didnt love my ex-hubbie. i stayed married because our children were little. ( caught him having an affair, all on tape ) this guy, 10 years older than me, i really love. i am also really hurt. i have been brutally honest with him and expect the same. how do i 'get over it' when he tells me he didnt sleep with her, that nothing happened, and that i have nothing to worry about ( she lives in a different state, about a 5 hour drive away) HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lauriebell82 Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 You are following the same pattern as you did with your ex husband. It sounds to me like this guy is cheating..or just flirting with his ex behind your back (that's still being disloyal I think). This guy sounds like he is no good. He is NOT your children's father..they already have one even if he is your ex husband. He still sees them a few times a week. Please don't be desperate enough to be with this man. He sounds like a liar and I think you need to leave before you get hurt anymore.
Keridan Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 I agree with Laurie (even tho she called my advice in another thread dumb ). You need to get away from this guy. If you don't trust him, which you obviously can't, then the relationship is already damaged. You need to work on getting yourself together and after that finding someone who is not a rebound and who you can trust. This guy is dangerous for you and your children emotionally. We always want to follow our heart, but the head is usually the best advice giver. it's especially important when there are children involved. You aren't just making decisions for yourself. Good luck and I hope things work out well for you!
CarrieT Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 There is a reason he is not being honest -- otherwise he would have told you BEFORE the trip what he was up to and with whom. Or, there is a reason why (if he really didn't do anything) that he was and is not able to be honest with you. Read between the lines and do yourself a favor and lose him.
RavenHair Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 my BF of over a year( rebound from mydivorce) said he needed 'space'. after a month or so, i found out 'space' meant going to florida with an ex co worker that lives in another state. they rented a motorcycle for a week, shared a hotel room (one bed) went on drink cruises, etc. i finally called her 2 weeks ago. i BEGGED him , after my conversation with her, to not talk to her. i told him if he respected me, us, at all, he wouldnt talk to her. today i found our cell phone bill, and he talked to her for 30 minutes last week. where was i? at HOME taking care of HIS children? he tells me there is nothing to worry about. my heart says to stay, logic tells me to leave. one lie after another. how much am i supposed to take? my 2 little boys look up to him as a dad. ( they see there 'real' dad 2 times a week. i'm crushed and confused. i didnt love my ex-hubbie. i stayed married because our children were little. ( caught him having an affair, all on tape ) this guy, 10 years older than me, i really love. i am also really hurt. i have been brutally honest with him and expect the same. how do i 'get over it' when he tells me he didnt sleep with her, that nothing happened, and that i have nothing to worry about ( she lives in a different state, about a 5 hour drive away) HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't mean to sound combative or even be insulting for that matter, but yes, you are gulliable. He's disrespecting you and your relationship. I really wonder why you'd have to BEG him not to talk to the other woman! Then you find out that he's still been keeping contact with her??! I say cut your losses. It sounds like he thinks you'll believe what he SAYS over what you know he's DONE. The action part is very important and you seem to be ignoring that. Love is as love DOES. He's taking trips and sleeping in the bed with another woman and telling you nothing is going on. He thinks you're stupid. Prove him wrong and move on. Keeping him around is going to negatively influence your two sons and eventually they'll wonder what's wrong with you that you allow yourself to be mistreated by some guy. They won't respect you. I witnessed something similar with my mom and dad and I lost so much respect for both of them, but more for her because she didn't respect herself enough to leave when it was obvious that she should. In your case, it's obvious that you should leave. You have to get it together. Get rid of his ass.
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