cant breathe Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 I am sitting here typing this and the screen is so blurred because of the tears that just keep falling. My relationship of 2 and a half years ended on 5th May this year the background is very complicted and one i am less than proud of. I'm sure you have all heard my story or one very similar before. I am 42 met my husband when i was 15 we were together 25 years in total, married for 15 of those years. We have two beautiful daughters, time went on and we grew further apart. I think we just grew up in a lot of ways and unfortunatley grew in different directions. There were a lot of problems in our marriage and we recognised the problems and tried various things to try to fix it, including counselling both individually and as a couple. This was unsucessful and things did not improve. Now what i done...........Met a man at work around 6 years ago and we were great friends. Through time this developed into more and i knew i was emotionally cheating with him but i saw this as fate and thought he was my soulmate,yes i know lot of rubbish! eventually we admitted that we had feelings more than frienship for one and other and the inevitable happened and we started a relationship 2 and a half years ago. I knew immediately that i couldn't continue with my marriage and ended it as i could not continue deceiving my husband he didn't deserve that. He was devastated and it has been a rough time for all, especially the girls. My husband has since met a new partner and seems to be really happy but the most important thing is that the girls have accepted her and they get on well. I am not proud of what happened but having the relationship with this man confirmed that if i was capable of this then there was no future in my marriage because i knew my marriage had been over both emotionally and physically for years. The relationship lasted 2 1/2 years and ended in May, things had not been great for the last six months and it came to a head with him telling me that he could not give me what i needed and that although he loved and was still in love with me it would never work. I then found out that he was invloved with someone else no surprise eh? but a huge shock for me because it turned out he ws invloved with another MAN. I had no idea that he was bi sexual and am shocked to the core of my being. I feel totally betrayed and i know i will probably get a lot of stick from people as the view will be why? What goes around comes around! KARMA!! but i am totally distraught. I don't feel he wrecked my marriage I DID THAT and if i'm honest my marriage was already over but i do feel having the relationship with him was the catalyst in a lot of things. The situation now is that i have to go to work 5 days a week and sit directly opposite this man. The pressure is horrendous. I have not spoken to him at all since we split and have no intention of doing so but it's killing me having to be in the same room as him when all i want to do is claw his eyes out or lie on a heap on the floor and cry. He seems totally unaffected and seems to be carrying on as if nothing ever happened. I have made such a mess of everything and it's a real effort to just get out of bed in the morning. I can't eat, sleep of function as a normal human being. I'm trying as hard as i can to keep it going for the girls as they are my life but it's hard and i just don't thing i can do this anymore.
sultry33 Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 hi op, we all hurting:( you must try and help yourself.. small steps. you will be ok we here have mostly been through loss so can help. it must be terrible to be left for a man though, this id agree with. please dont blame yourself.. takes 2 to tango..come here and we will try and help hugs to you x
serendip Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 but a huge shock for me because it turned out he ws invloved with another MAN. So let me get this straight...you cheated on your husband but then the guy you cheated with...cheats on you with another dude. WOW...that's crazy. I think you should talk to a professional to help you reconcile your pain. Good luck.
Author cant breathe Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 I suppose i should have gone with my gut and decided not to post as i knew this would be the reaction i would get. I'm sorry that the last two posters see this situation as something funny and a source for ridicule but what happened does not make me a bad person. We all fall in love and make mistakes or else there would be no coping section on Lovehsack. Thanks anyway.
bayouboi Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 I hope this happens to my ex. Kind of gives you a little hope, eh?
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 It doesnt make you a bad person perse' but how you went about the destruction of your family makes you a bad person. You knew what you was doing when you cheated on your husband. He didnt deserve what you did. but you went and did it anyways. and then you had the audacity to date the man who cheated with a married woman thinking you guys was soulmates? Now that you see that the grass is not truly greener, you understand. I think people are mad because you should have had the foresight to see something like this happening. I' feel a little sorry for you. but you got to get your head on straight and just move on. I would get checked for STD's quick if i was you, who knows how long he was dealing with this man behind your back.
critter909 Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 We are mostly dumpees on here, the type your husband is, that's why you won't get much sympathy. Your situation is very hard, no question. I think you need to seek counseling. But first, isn't there anything you could do about sitting across from him every day? That is going to drive you crazy, you will not be able to move on unless you get away from him.
Peter_pan Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 I hope this happens to my ex. lol me to bro. sorry to hear that though. it makes me feel like my problem is so small in comparison
sid3 Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 It's unfortunate. While sadly some marriages end, as love often dies, it's how it went down that draws the scorn from some of people that read the story. What would have been the best way(most honest and least hurtful) to recognize the marriage was over and ended it. Not due to passion with another guy. People make mistakes, some people learn from them.Whether it's here or in real life, few people will every express sympathy for those who've cheated. It is the ultimate form of betrayal. While it must be awfully painful, it sure must seem like Karma found it's way in this situation. The best thing about your story is that your daughters are doing well and have excepted your exh new partner. There is something to feel fortunate about. In fact, half of a happy ending is better than none.
bayouboi Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 The best thing about your story is that your daughters are doing well and have excepted your exh new partner. There is something to feel fortunate about. In fact, half of a happy ending is better than none. hahaha brilliant!
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