pinktulip1211 Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 We split over a stupid fight - I had been egging on a separation prior to the split but now I realize I only did that to hear him say he wasn't going anywhere. He left on May 19th. At first he said he just needed space, now it is to the point where he told me if I continue to go by and see him it will push him so far away he won't want to come back. (That was this past Saturday 6/28) and I haven't attempted contact. I don't want to push him away. We have had our ups and downs - splits and getting back together over the years. He said he felt I never listened or what he said didn't matter to me - it was always about me. This break up I have taken a step back to see how I acted and treated him and he was absolutely right. I have gone to him every weekend for about 5 min at a time. Only once have we talked for about an hour - because I went to him and pleaded that he talk with me. That went so well! He told me that there is no one else, he tells his friends that he has been in love with me for 9 years and is still in love with me, no one can top me and that I get him. Despite those feelings for me, he says right now he only wants to focus on himself - he takes it day by day. He says he loves me and misses me, but still wants no contact. It's hard for me to just let him go and walk away. I told him I'll give him the space if that is what we need to be together again. We talked of marriage and having children, he told his friends and family and so did I. I'm so confused and hurt - it's been a month and a half and still no progress. In the past when we split, I would date others and he only knew of one that wanted to marry me. He said he forgave me for that but would still bring it up (happened over 2 yrs ago). This time, I have absolutely no desire for anyone but him as I had already made the committment to him. He says that in the big picture, he does not want to go through life without talking to me or being a part of each others lives but then goes back to wanting no contact at all with me. Last time I saw his dad - he told me that my boyfriend told him he loves me. I say boyfriend even though he continues to tell me we broke up. I told him that we've broken up and gotten back together that I still see him as my man and I his woman. Every time I go by he says he'll call me but never does - after a week of no contact, I go by. He is living with his dad and hates it - my hopes are that he'll just want to come home but every time I see him he is angry - blinded by the anger and I don't know what or why he is this angry. I am willing to do anything to save our relationship, he's not only my love but my best friend. Last time I went by he asked me why I don't wait for him to come after me and my response was that I'm afraid he won't - he told me not to live in fear. During our conversations - it's like a roller coaster - he's made/I'm hurt and crying and then we both let it go and smile and flirt and reassure that we love each other. But this last time when I told him I loved him he rolled his eyes and said he knew it - but because I'm emotional he doesn't want to call. I tell him I'm emotional because my heart is broken and he won't contact me. I'm going to back off and wait for him to come after me - I just have difficulty getting through the day. I don't want to be emotional but I don't know how not to be - my love left me. How can I make changes to not be so emotional without blocking out my feelings and becoming a hard person (emotionally)? How long do I give him? Weeks, months or years (I pray not years!!)?
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