JoeNewbie Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Hi everyone, I am a first time Internet dater and would like your help with the following situation. Essentially I've only had one girlfriend. We were pretty serious for over four years but we broke up a couple months ago. I recently met a very pretty girl online. I sent her a note, simply asking her whether she wanted to meet up. It was the first time I ever communicated with her and I realized after the fact that my message was probably way too direct. I was shocked to get a message back saying we should go for a beer! She did not even ask me any questions about me! Is that normal or should I be worried? She is 19 and I am 20.
BrooklynBridge Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Hi everyone, I am a first time Internet dater and would like your help with the following situation. Essentially I've only had one girlfriend. We were pretty serious for over four years but we broke up a couple months ago. I recently met a very pretty girl online. I sent her a note, simply asking her whether she wanted to meet up. It was the first time I ever communicated with her and I realized after the fact that my message was probably way too direct. I was shocked to get a message back saying we should go for a beer! She did not even ask me any questions about me! Is that normal or should I be worried? She is 19 and I am 20. I assume she knows what you look like, if so not weird at all. If you talked online about each other, that's essentially what happens on a first date, so go out with her dude!!
Shygirl15 Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Yeah, that's weird. have you been talking for a while or was that her first communication to you? If it's the latter, then that's really weird. Why was she specific about beer anyway? And she's 19? Nothing but weird, decent girls don't respond like that. (Have done online dating myself).
Author JoeNewbie Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 Yes, she saw several pictures of me. I'm the weirdo who asked for a date on the very first message I sent (I didn't know what I was doing). We traded a few messages about music and literature. Then she proposed that we go for drinks (sorry "beer" is my personal translation) next weekend. I know for sure that it's not a fake profile. Her answers are articulate and thoughtful. I am still in shock as she is soooo pretty! I am also surprised that girls wouldn't be more cautious than this.
Shygirl15 Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Yes, she saw several pictures of me. I'm the weirdo who asked for a date on the very first message I sent (I didn't know what I was doing). We traded a few messages about music and literature. Then she proposed that we go for drinks (sorry "beer" is my personal translation) next weekend. I know for sure that it's not a fake profile. Her answers are articulate and thoughtful. I am still in shock as she is soooo pretty! I am also surprised that girls wouldn't be more cautious than this. Aaah. You two are both weirdos !! You for asking for a date on 1st email!! (I WOULDN'T have responded to that), and her for taking it so casually like that. If she's so pretty like you say, she probably receives dozen of such invitation from other guys. I would suggest that you give it some time, try to find out more about her, talk a little online or over the phone before you actually go out for a beer.
Author JoeNewbie Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 Thanks for your response. I agree that a girl like her probably receives dozens of invitations. I know she recently got out of a relationship. I also want to specify I did not "meet" her on a "dating" site but rather a "social" site. I definitely appreciate the opinion of experienced Internet daters!
t_veron Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Stay away she probably sent you a picture of her 10 years and 50lbs before now. She'll swallow you whole!!! Outside of the scary above thought am I the only one who thinks this guy talks way too articulate for a 20yo and the fact a 19yo said very casually let's go grab a beer like it's the norm? Newbie you pulling my weiner and posting some bs or what? Your story makes no sense. Book smart people who speak so well don't say let's grab a beer so make up something to cover your tracks.
CarrieT Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Heck, if you meet in a public place, what's the big deal? It is only a beer - not a lifetime commitment. I say go - you only live once and you might just click!
Author JoeNewbie Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 Heck, if you meet in a public place, what's the big deal? It is only a beer - not a lifetime commitment. I say go - you only live once and you might just click! Thanks! I am definitely going!
Author JoeNewbie Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 Stay away she probably sent you a picture of her 10 years and 50lbs before now. She'll swallow you whole!!! Outside of the scary above thought am I the only one who thinks this guy talks way too articulate for a 20yo and the fact a 19yo said very casually let's go grab a beer like it's the norm? Newbie you pulling my weiner and posting some bs or what? Your story makes no sense. Book smart people who speak so well don't say let's grab a beer so make up something to cover your tracks. You have a very good eye, my friend. I am not from the U.S., which might explain why my English is a bit "different".
t_veron Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 You have a very good eye, my friend. I am not from the U.S., which might explain why my English is a bit "different". That could explain a few things. Careful she might be 300+ in person. Outside of that scary thought all relationships short or long are all about timing. Being at the right place at the right time and taking a chance when an opportunity presents itself. When someone is enthusiastic like she was it means she needs a date because she just broke up with someone, is lonely between relationships, or even just finished school and has lots of time and wants to be more social. Jump on it and go for it without questioning it. Just keep in mind she's not into you no matter how friendly she is. She just needed you (or anyone similar) in her life right now. If you're with her a few months down the line then you can let down your gaurd and know she's into you.
Author JoeNewbie Posted July 3, 2008 Author Posted July 3, 2008 That could explain a few things. Careful she might be 300+ in person. Outside of that scary thought all relationships short or long are all about timing. Being at the right place at the right time and taking a chance when an opportunity presents itself. When someone is enthusiastic like she was it means she needs a date because she just broke up with someone, is lonely between relationships, or even just finished school and has lots of time and wants to be more social. Jump on it and go for it without questioning it. Just keep in mind she's not into you no matter how friendly she is. She just needed you (or anyone similar) in her life right now. If you're with her a few months down the line then you can let down your gaurd and know she's into you. Thanks again for your valuable input. I have seen dozens of pictures of hers (from all angles or almost...) and I am just about certain that there won't be any surprises in the looks department. She may be totally annoying but that I won't find out until we meet. You are also right about the circumstances as she recently became single. After a few exchanges, she mentioned how she looks forward to meeting me. Until we meet up, how frequently should I keep in touch with her online?
rawkwell Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 I got an email from a guy through an online dating site, and it was simply..."Liked your profile, we should meet up for a drink soon." And that was it. I liked his straightforwardness and said yes. We dated for a very nice three months. He told me that he used to send multiple emails back and forth with women until he got horribly humiliated and stood up by someone posing as a woman he met online but thinks in actuality it was an ex putting him on. So now he cuts to the chase and doesn't waste much time back and forth.
Author JoeNewbie Posted July 3, 2008 Author Posted July 3, 2008 I got an email from a guy through an online dating site, and it was simply..."Liked your profile, we should meet up for a drink soon." And that was it. I liked his straightforwardness and said yes. We dated for a very nice three months. He told me that he used to send multiple emails back and forth with women until he got horribly humiliated and stood up by someone posing as a woman he met online but thinks in actuality it was an ex putting him on. So now he cuts to the chase and doesn't waste much time back and forth. This is an interesting story. Thanks for sharing.
confused and broken Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 I have met up with a lot of people that I met online and if you meet in a public place it is no big deal... It's actually pretty fun and a great way to meet people... As an earlier poster mentioned it's a beer not a lifetime commitment.. If she gives you the creeps get up and leave end of story have fun life is too short
KingCrimson Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 If you're 20 and she's 19, how do you expect to go out for beer? We gotta see your email too to know if you were too direct or not. If you actually told her a bit about yourself, some interests, she can see your profile, know that you're not a jobless, uneducated creep then nothing weird. I hate talking much over e-mail, it ruins the thrill of a real life conversation
rosalie Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 Hi everyone, I am a first time Internet dater and would like your help with the following situation. Essentially I've only had one girlfriend. We were pretty serious for over four years but we broke up a couple months ago. I recently met a very pretty girl online. I sent her a note, simply asking her whether she wanted to meet up. It was the first time I ever communicated with her and I realized after the fact that my message was probably way too direct. I was shocked to get a message back saying we should go for a beer! She did not even ask me any questions about me! Is that normal or should I be worried? She is 19 and I am 20. sounds to me like she's been doing the internet dating thing a bit longer than you - the more you do it the more direct you are in meeting up with people, generally anyway. She may have been treated badly online before so don't necessarily hold it against her yet. Sounds like she's been played a little with long term email/phone relationships. If you aren't comfortable moving that quickly then exchange another email or phone call or two before you get to the meet stage. I think online dating can be good when handled with a certain amount of cynicism and caution until you really get to know i.e. meet them but don't jump into that until you are really ready. Though you may have spoken before treat the first meeting like you've just met her, email, texts and phone calls can be decieving sometimes!
Author JoeNewbie Posted July 4, 2008 Author Posted July 4, 2008 If you're 20 and she's 19, how do you expect to go out for beer? We gotta see your email too to know if you were too direct or not. If you actually told her a bit about yourself, some interests, she can see your profile, know that you're not a jobless, uneducated creep then nothing weird. I hate talking much over e-mail, it ruins the thrill of a real life conversation Where I am from you are allowed to drink alcohol at 18. I was not flirtatious in my e-mail to her and just proposed that we meet up. I guess most guys would've said she is beautiful and a bunch of other things she has already heard too many times. She did see my profile and everything else indeed.
Author JoeNewbie Posted July 4, 2008 Author Posted July 4, 2008 sounds to me like she's been doing the internet dating thing a bit longer than you - the more you do it the more direct you are in meeting up with people, generally anyway. She may have been treated badly online before so don't necessarily hold it against her yet. Sounds like she's been played a little with long term email/phone relationships. If you aren't comfortable moving that quickly then exchange another email or phone call or two before you get to the meet stage. I think online dating can be good when handled with a certain amount of cynicism and caution until you really get to know i.e. meet them but don't jump into that until you are really ready. Though you may have spoken before treat the first meeting like you've just met her, email, texts and phone calls can be decieving sometimes! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I personally am not afraid of going. I guess my initial reflex was "well one has to be pretty darn desperate to go this fast...". I'm actually pretty excited and hope she won't change her mind...
amymarieca Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 I have done the internet dating thing many times. I'm not really into hours of conversation on chat or by phone. To really know if you click with someone, you have to meet them in person. I usually don't waste time when making a date, but I always make sure it is in a public place and I never get in a stranger's car. I don't really see that as strange or dangerous. Yes, there are some weird people out there. You can run into them just as much in real life as you would on the internet. As long as you are safe and don't put yourself in a bad situation, it is totally fine. Hope it works out well for you!
Jilly Bean Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 She's meeting you for a drink, Joe. She's not agreeing to drive cross country with you for a week. So, relax with the massive assumptions. I think some people prefer to guage chemistry before engaging in a lot of up front dialogue online, or on the phone. If you think she's desperate, or fast, then you better change that attitude SOON before you meet her. She's just trying not to waste time...
Author JoeNewbie Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 Amy and Jilly, thank you for your insight. I will keep you posted on what happens next.
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