diesel1218 Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Okay so how do you keep from getting to comfortable with someone? I mean I have been seeing this girl for almost two months now and I totally see myself falling for her. Now I know it is too soon for her still. We have a unbelievable time together. How do you talk about your feelings with out scaring them away. I dont want to tell her I think I am falling yet, cause I am not sure. I also dont want to end up in the friend zone.
KinAZ Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 I feel bad for guys when it comes to this sort of thing, especially when I think of all the people who I've tossed into the friend zone myself. It can be hard sometimes, especially when you spend great "couples" time together, and yet don't want to force anything. Are you two dating or just friends? Rather, are you going on dates, hanging out as friends, or are you unsure? The BEST thing I can think of in this situation is physical contact. For instance, I have had male friends who didn't want to be in the friend category, and when they occasionally tried flirtatious touch it might make me a little uncomfortable. Then there have been a couple of people who flirtatious touching was OK with as the attraction was mutual, even though neither of us had expressed romantic interest. So smiles, drools, complements, and googly eyes aside, I think that touch is probably the best indicator. I don't mean grope her of course, but simply hand holding or playing around that sort of thing. She's not going to sit still for it or endure it for long if you're in the friend category.
Author diesel1218 Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 Oh no I am not in the friend zone. However I want to be "exclusive" and she is not ready for it yet, well at least thats what she said 3 weeks ago. FLirting, touching, making out defiantly not just friends and totally dating. I could see myself falling for her very easily which is rare for me. My questions is that in this waiting period till she is ready to fully commit, how to you keep from falling into this friend zone, or too comfortable zone. I want the spark to be there when it should be. A lot of her signs and actions let me know she is into this, but I dont think she has completely given herself to it. I want to be able to talk to her with out pushing, you know?
KinAZ Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Well, if you guys are affectionate in that way, I don't think you have to worry about the friend zone, unless she pulls back from it. If she's affectionate and such, then the romantic interest isn't a question. I think the best thing to do at this point is to enjoy it for what it is or take a break for a while if you can't deal with the way things are right now. I say this because I was in her position before, and a guy was moved over a bit because he was pushing the relationship issues in my eyes, and I wasn't ready for another one just yet. I wasn't seeing other people etc either, but it felt like too much too fast considering the relationship I had just gotten out of. It only lasted 3 months because of this. He felt threatened, thinking I wasn't over my ex, but didn't explain it to me in those terms. And he didn't explain to me what was missing (what he needed from me) or how he was feeling in general. The only thing I got out of him was... when are we going to make this official, and what's our status. And of course, even after I said I wasn't ready... him referring to me as his lady etc etc. If you're getting EVERYTHING you want out of this situation, except the title, I would just chill... hang in there a bit and see how things go. For your own peace of mind (just to throw it out there and check the response) you may want to ask her if she is seeing other people. The other method, though some see this as playing games, is to pull back a little and see how she reacts to a little less you. You might get an answer/clarity sooner that way, but I guess it's the riskier option. It's something I wouldn't be dramatic about if I tried it.
Author diesel1218 Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 yeah i see where your coming from. I am positive she isnt seeing anyone else. She spends all her free time with me. I was actually thinking about pulling a way a little, but I dont like games and I wouldn't want her playing with me either. The best thing to do sounds like just rolling with it. How do you let someone know in this situation how much you care, without scaring her or without pushing her?
KinAZ Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Everyone is different. For me it's just that general interest in me and my life/things I'm involved in, trying to be of assistance etc. Little things to let me know you're thinking about me like... you're at the store in my area and ask if I need something, or offering to take care of something for me. Personally, I don't find that scary or smothering, and it lets me know that the guy is thinking about me and concerned as well. If you were at the store, and knew I was out of mustard (and probably busy) lol and either got it for me or asked if I wanted you to, I would think "Awww that's so sweet." edit- I just wanted to add that someone who was sort of in the friends category with me almost got out of it that way (but he did something else to blow his chances). Although he did it every single day, which was a bit more than necessary, he called on his way home from work to ask if I need anything from the store, or if I had eaten already, offering to drop off dinner for me or something. It was a bit much considering our involvement with one another, but to me... it was a very thoughtful and considerate gesture, and I really appreciated the offers.
Pedigree Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 how to you keep from falling into this friend zone, or too comfortable zone. More supply, less demand= prices go down Less supply, more demand= prices go up Translation: Make her value you more by not always being there for her.
Linux Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 This is going to sound ******* but when you meet a chick you really have to get sexual with her very soon after you meet her or she is going to put you in the friends zone. Pretty much if you don't **** her within the first 1 week of meeting her 95% chance you will never hit it. Next time you meet a girl you like stop being a puss and show her that you are interested in her sexually right away.
KinAZ Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 More supply, less demand= prices go down Less supply, more demand= prices go up Translation: Make her value you more by not always being there for her. That depends on the woman. To me? Less = He doesn't have much to give. I'm sorry, but I think I speak for many when I say that a man giving out little is not going to make me work to get more out of him. It's just going to make me think he's not worth my time, as he doesn't have enough of those desired qualities to offer. I'm sure there are plenty of women out there willing to work a man to get out of him what two people who care for one another should give naturally, but that just doesn't apply to all of us. lol If you pull back too much, and decide to play the mysterious role (especially if I question it), I'll just assume you're occupied with something else and point my attention elsewhere. To me, you're either interested or your not, and yes.. there is a difference between appearing interested or appearing to be a push over.
sid3 Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 I think Ped. has a very valid point, but you do too Kinaz. There should be a book burning where all the garbage that has been written on how to keep em interested is purged from society. OP, sounds like your safely enough away from it. Not pushing too much is common good advice.
Shygirl15 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 This is going to sound ******* but when you meet a chick you really have to get sexual with her very soon after you meet her or she is going to put you in the friends zone. Pretty much if you don't **** her within the first 1 week of meeting her 95% chance you will never hit it. Next time you meet a girl you like stop being a puss and show her that you are interested in her sexually right away. Kinda late to comment, but I agree. My guy was just too slow didn't initiate anything after 8 weeks of dating, just had to drop him off.
tkgirl Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 This is going to sound ******* but when you meet a chick you really have to get sexual with her very soon after you meet her or she is going to put you in the friends zone. Pretty much if you don't **** her within the first 1 week of meeting her 95% chance you will never hit it. Next time you meet a girl you like stop being a puss and show her that you are interested in her sexually right away. Linux... if what you meant by ****** in your first sentance is "like the lamest piece if crap advice" then yea, you got one thing right... 2 months IS kind of long... but within one week? are you kidding me? do NOT listen to this guy... ugh...
KinAZ Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Linux... if what you meant by ****** in your first sentance is "like the lamest piece if crap advice" then yea, you got one thing right... 2 months IS kind of long... but within one week? are you kidding me? do NOT listen to this guy... ugh... If a guy came after my undies that quickly, I'd figure that's all he wanted, and if I did still talked to him on occasion after that, he would be in the friend category. Have a little respect for me and my values. That, of course, would depend on the guy's approach, but in general... lol... that's not the way to win me over. For one to even attempted that after knowing me a week (unless we spent an unusual amount of time together), he would have to assume that just because he has a penis I would want to sleep with him. And well, if you assumed such a thing about me, why would you want me anyway? I think flirtatious touch should handle such situations well... On the other hand, if the guy waited too long to go for a kiss (and this doesn't seem to be the thread starter's situation), I might figure he wasn't interested in romantically. I had that happen once, only to learn later that at that time, the guy hadn't "completely ended" another relationship yet.
FormerNiceGuy Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Okay so how do you keep from getting to comfortable with someone? I mean I have been seeing this girl for almost two months now and I totally see myself falling for her. Now I know it is too soon for her still. We have a unbelievable time together. How do you talk about your feelings with out scaring them away. I dont want to tell her I think I am falling yet, cause I am not sure. I also dont want to end up in the friend zone. Enough with this bs. I see this everyday. stop complaining there's a "friends box". Did you ask her out? Did you? Then go home and stop complaining. Make a god damn move, be a man and ask her out. If she turns you down, you saved yourself a lot of wasted time. If she goes for you, then you're all good. Don't be a little complaining idiot. Just ask her out before someone else does. Never keep someone who doesn't want to keep you.
HelloHello Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 If you don't make a move soon you will be caught in the "Friends Zone." You have to be the alpha and lead. Next time you are out with her telling her that you are happy when your with her then kiss her. Watch for her reaction to the kiss. Hope that helps!
Krytie TV Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 I agree. Who cares if you scare her away? I have learned in life that I would rather scare someone that I was attracted to away than to be placed in the deadly friend zone. Also, one way to avoid the friend zone is to NOT be there for her unconditionally. Do not be her friend every time she needs one or be too available. As much as games suck, only adequate doses of absence can allow a person to see what you mean to them.
Yamaha Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 This is going to sound ******* but when you meet a chick you really have to get sexual with her very soon after you meet her or she is going to put you in the friends zone. Pretty much if you don't **** her within the first 1 week of meeting her 95% chance you will never hit it. Next time you meet a girl you like stop being a puss and show her that you are interested in her sexually right away. So true. If you don't get her feelings engaged soon after meeting you will become comfortable and she won't want to mess up your friendship by dating you.
Samari Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 That depends on the woman. To me? Less = He doesn't have much to give. I'm sorry, but I think I speak for many when I say that a man giving out little is not going to make me work to get more out of him. It's just going to make me think he's not worth my time, as he doesn't have enough of those desired qualities to offer. I'm sure there are plenty of women out there willing to work a man to get out of him what two people who care for one another should give naturally, but that just doesn't apply to all of us. lol If you pull back too much, and decide to play the mysterious role (especially if I question it), I'll just assume you're occupied with something else and point my attention elsewhere. To me, you're either interested or your not, and yes.. there is a difference between appearing interested or appearing to be a push over. I think the poster meant that you shouldn't plan for the girl to "be your universe". You should be happy with yourself first instead of relying on someone else to make you happy personally. In my opinion this is a true statement. A lot of girls I've encountered aren't going to want that constant attachment.
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