serendip Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 I've been in NC for 3 months and it's been good. The ex text me in early May with this "How r yu doing was just thinking of yu today" I never bothered responding. Now(2 mths later) the ex emailed me 2 days ago(June 30) with this... "Thank you for this heartfelt email. I really appreciated it. (I can't remember if I responded to it at the time or not?) I hope you are doing well." I think she is fishing for contact because the email she is referring to was sent by me on April 1. She is replying to an email I sent 3 months ago and she uses an excuse of "I can't remember if I responded to it at the time or not?" which is bullsh*t since she has a gmail account which attaches all replies to the original email. So she knows she never replied...and now she is replying to an email I sent 3 mths ago and sort of kissing up to me by saying how it was heartfelt and how she appreciated it. What is up with this? The only reason I sent the email in the first place was a follow up to our meeting(2 days earlier) for the first time since the break up...and only to clear the air on 2 points she was misinformed on. The email I sent didn't need a reply...but to reply 3 mths later and to make up a bogus reason for replying is weird. She had to be actively looking for my emails and saw my last one I sent...reread it and respond to it. I don't know what she is up to and what she wants but I am happy with NC. I think I will continue with NC....I don't know how she will feel about my not responding to her...but I'm doing it for me. It's been 13 months since we broke up(she cheated) and I just want to continue to move on.
Peter_pan Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 good for you man. i admire your strength. well she knows herself she didn't reply at the time. to me it would seem as though she is having second thoughts about her actions, and misses you and maybe wants you back in her life. NC seems to be working well for you and so i will say keep it up once a cheat always a cheat...
Author serendip Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 to me it would seem as though she is having second thoughts about her actions, and misses you and maybe wants you back in her life. It's kind of funny how human nature works. In December...I still wanted her back at the time...she accused me of prank calling her(which I didn't) and told me to leave her alone. I proved to her it wasn't me and I told her I had enough of her BS and that she should take responsibility for her actions(cheating). Jan to March...she would be the one initiating the contact and I would respond. Now I realize I just want to heal and move on(thus the 3 mths of NC) and she seems to be dying for contact to the point where she is kissing up to me and making a lame excuse to contact me(by saying she didn't know whether she replied to my email or not). After 3 mths of NC...I don't feel the need for contact. It's funny how life works out that way. I think she might try to contact me again...not sure. I suppose women(and men too) hate to be ignored...especially twice.
sunshinegirl Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Do you find it's boosted your self-esteem & confidence to have her contact you, even if you have no intention of replying or getting back together with her?
bayouboi Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Dude you are awesome and strong, keep up the good work and good luck!
Author serendip Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 Do you find it's boosted your self-esteem & confidence to have her contact you, even if you have no intention of replying or getting back together with her? My self-esteem took a nose dive when she cheated on me. This woman was in my heart for 14 years even though we weren't together for 10 of those years(we got a second chance again). I never took her for granted and I made sure she felt loved every day we were together...but at the same time I totally respected her space. I didn't even care when she went out with other guys or ex-boyfriends....that's how much I trusted her. The betrayal came out of no where....I started questioning myself and my self-esteem went belly up. But then I realized it's not my issue(her cheating)...it's her issue. I did not deserve to be treated that way...she herself told me I did nothing to deserve what she did. So my self-esteem and confidence went back to normal once I came to this realization. So her contacting me does not boost my ego/self-esteem/confidence...it's more of a test of my will power...to not respond...cuz it's hard to let go of a person that has been in my heart for 14 years. I'm not sure how it affects her...my not responding
FauxVowel Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 I've been in NC for 3 months and it's been good. The ex text me in early May with this "How r yu doing was just thinking of yu today" I never bothered responding. Now(2 mths later) the ex emailed me 2 days ago(June 30) with this... "Thank you for this heartfelt email. I really appreciated it. (I can't remember if I responded to it at the time or not?) I hope you are doing well." I think she is fishing for contact because the email she is referring to was sent by me on April 1. She is replying to an email I sent 3 months ago and she uses an excuse of "I can't remember if I responded to it at the time or not?" which is bullsh*t since she has a gmail account which attaches all replies to the original email. So she knows she never replied...and now she is replying to an email I sent 3 mths ago and sort of kissing up to me by saying how it was heartfelt and how she appreciated it. What is up with this? The only reason I sent the email in the first place was a follow up to our meeting(2 days earlier) for the first time since the break up...and only to clear the air on 2 points she was misinformed on. The email I sent didn't need a reply...but to reply 3 mths later and to make up a bogus reason for replying is weird. She had to be actively looking for my emails and saw my last one I sent...reread it and respond to it. I don't know what she is up to and what she wants but I am happy with NC. I think I will continue with NC....I don't know how she will feel about my not responding to her...but I'm doing it for me. It's been 13 months since we broke up(she cheated) and I just want to continue to move on. Ah ha ha! Sucks to be her! Never speak to her again.
Issues & tissues Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Hello Serendip, My ex sent me an email too today: Hello M, How are you? I tried calling you a couple of times on your cell, but you rejected my calls and never called back. D We were together for 10 years and then I found out he cheated on me. I forgave him but the damage was done. It was permanent and he broke up with me at New Year. He packed his stuff shortly thereafter and moved out of our apartment. We stayed in contact for the first couple of months until I decided to go strict NC as the break-up was unbearably painful and speaking to him just made me feel worse. I have done a lot of soul-searching and recovering over the last 4 - 6 months but I still have a very long way to go. The reason I share this is because I so want to respond to his email and tell him that I haven't rejected him and that deep down I really do still care about him deeply and would do anything to turn back the clock to those wonderful early years when we first met and we both were simply head over heels in love. It makes me so sad knowing that the person I once loved so much -- who I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with (with all his faults and quirks) -- is someone whom I must now avoid at all costs just so that he can no longer hurt me. Never in my wildest dreams did I think it would one day all end like this. Now we are just two alien ships passing in the night.
Nevermind Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Issues, please...stay strong. Do not reply. He has hurt you enough. If he did it on purpose or not is not important. He did. Don't allow him back into your life. This ship has sailed.
ioncebelieved Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Serendip, I have always liked your advice whether given to me or others. There could be a host of reasons that this women attempted contact. The weak side of you says it is because he misses you and the strong side says she did it for AN ego trip. Hell, maybe a little of both!!! I applaud your stronghold on this matter!!! I hope one day I will be able to do the same as you did!!! I had a few bad days and even decided to start reading, "NO more Mr. Nice guy" per Caliguy's recommendation and WOW!!! What a wake up call. Keep strong my friend!!!
ladyinlimbo Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Serendip, Isn't it laughable, to what pathetic and transparent levels these toxic exes will go to, to initiate communication? What you've encountered is something like my ex would do. Or he'd just send me a totally "blank" email (so that I'd naturally respond to ask "why" he'd send me a blank email) -- or one that just contained a few "question marks"...nothing more. The first few times I'd fall for it but then I caught onto him. He couldn't even be 'man enough' to just say what was on his mind - he had to resort to little games like this. It just made me lose more respect. I'm a firm believer; if you have something to say, say it.
Issues & tissues Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 Issues, please...stay strong. Do not reply. He has hurt you enough. If he did it on purpose or not is not important. He did. Don't allow him back into your life. This ship has sailed. Thank you for your support and encouragement. Sadly, I agree with you.
Issues & tissues Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 Do you find it's boosted your self-esteem & confidence to have her contact you, even if you have no intention of replying or getting back together with her? It is most certainly comforting to know that they still occasionally think about you. But it is little consolation in the whole scheme of things.
Author serendip Posted July 3, 2008 Author Posted July 3, 2008 I found out he cheated on me. I forgave him but the damage was done. It was permanent. The reason I share this is because I so want to respond to his email and tell him that I haven't rejected him and that deep down I really do still care about him deeply and would do anything to turn back the clock to those wonderful early years when we first met and we both were simply head over heels in love. You can't really dwell on the past...you just have to let it go in order to move on. If my ex hadn't cheat on me and we just broke up b/c of the distance...I go through hell and back just to fight for our relationship. But unfortunately...her cheating means she didn't want/respect/cherish our relationship. ...and I don't want someone like that in my life.
Author serendip Posted July 3, 2008 Author Posted July 3, 2008 Serendip, Isn't it laughable, to what pathetic and transparent levels these toxic exes will go to, to initiate communication? What you've encountered is something like my ex would do. Or he'd just send me a totally "blank" email (so that I'd naturally respond to ask "why" he'd send me a blank email) -- or one that just contained a few "question marks"...nothing more. The first few times I'd fall for it but then I caught onto him. He couldn't even be 'man enough' to just say what was on his mind - he had to resort to little games like this. It just made me lose more respect. I'm a firm believer; if you have something to say, say it. Yeah I don't understand why she bothered with the pretense of replying to my email from 3 months ago and she's using the line "I can't remember if I responded to it at the time or not?" when clearly she knows she didn't (gmail account) and why she bother bringing up a email from 3 mths ago that needed no reply. She had to do a email search for my email and reread it and respond to it. This tells me she wants contact from me and she's running out of ideas or options to get me to respond while saving face. This is the longest I've gone NC (3 mths) and I guess it makes her wonder...she's probably thinking of the great times she had with me(there were many). It's too bad she cheated and I think she has a boyfriend now too.
Author serendip Posted July 3, 2008 Author Posted July 3, 2008 I just got a "private number" call...I didn't bother answering it but it always leaves me wondering. I've been getting them periodically since the weekend of her b-day when I didn't contact her to wish her a happy birthday. I wonder if she is recycling her emotions...guilt, sadness...etc. I know it sucks to be ignored(b/c when she did it to me when we first broke up...it bit hard)...especially twice now. She must realize by now...there is no going back to our relationship...it's dead and that I'm over wanting her back.
Peter_pan Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 it will be her. just ignore it and eventually she wont bother you anymore man. but for your piece of mind you could just let her know that, that way YOU finally had the last say etc
Author serendip Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 In some ways I feel guilty for ignoring/not responding to her especially after reading how some of the love-shackers feel when their ex doesn't respond to their contact. It's a knock on their self-esteem I would normally respond but I am not fully healed(hope to get there) from her infidelity and she has a boyfriend(last time I heard)...so she should concentrate on their relationship. But I still feel bad about not responding...and this is the second time in a row I haven't responded to her...so I assume she will feel worse...which is not my intent.
FauxVowel Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 I've been in NC for 3 months and it's been good. The ex text me in early May with this "How r yu doing was just thinking of yu today" I never bothered responding. Now(2 mths later) the ex emailed me 2 days ago(June 30) with this... "Thank you for this heartfelt email. I really appreciated it. (I can't remember if I responded to it at the time or not?) I hope you are doing well." I think she is fishing for contact because the email she is referring to was sent by me on April 1. She is replying to an email I sent 3 months ago and she uses an excuse of "I can't remember if I responded to it at the time or not?" which is bullsh*t since she has a gmail account which attaches all replies to the original email. So she knows she never replied...and now she is replying to an email I sent 3 mths ago and sort of kissing up to me by saying how it was heartfelt and how she appreciated it. What is up with this? The only reason I sent the email in the first place was a follow up to our meeting(2 days earlier) for the first time since the break up...and only to clear the air on 2 points she was misinformed on. The email I sent didn't need a reply...but to reply 3 mths later and to make up a bogus reason for replying is weird. She had to be actively looking for my emails and saw my last one I sent...reread it and respond to it. I don't know what she is up to and what she wants but I am happy with NC. I think I will continue with NC....I don't know how she will feel about my not responding to her...but I'm doing it for me. It's been 13 months since we broke up(she cheated) and I just want to continue to move on. This is gonna be me. And this is what? 13 months later? ****ing kill me.
FauxVowel Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 I just got a "private number" call...I didn't bother answering it but it always leaves me wondering. I've been getting them periodically since the weekend of her b-day when I didn't contact her to wish her a happy birthday. I wonder if she is recycling her emotions...guilt, sadness...etc. I know it sucks to be ignored(b/c when she did it to me when we first broke up...it bit hard)...especially twice now. She must realize by now...there is no going back to our relationship...it's dead and that I'm over wanting her back. This is gonna be me too in a few weeks.
confused and broken Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 I HATE the was just thinking of you and wanted to say hi bs it should be just decided to f you up a little for some reason I still don't understand
Trialbyfire Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Most often, this kind of random contact within the first year, is for ego stroking. If someone really wants to be with you, they will make a bigger effort than that. This type of random hit and miss is cruel.
FauxVowel Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Most often, this kind of random contact within the first year, is for ego stroking. If someone really wants to be with you, they will make a bigger effort than that. This type of random hit and miss is cruel. Yes! It's cruel! Why do they wanna do that??? WHY???? I'm a nice person i swear wtf i just ****ing a **** me
Trialbyfire Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Yes! It's cruel! Why do they wanna do that??? WHY???? I'm a nice person i swear wtf i just ****ing a **** me Y, they're not thinking about how you're feeling. They're only focused on how they feel. The only type of ex that cares about what you're feeling is the type that wants to get back. Beyond that, they're doing the same thing you are, trying to move on.
CaliGuy Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 In some ways I feel guilty for ignoring/not responding to her especially after reading how some of the love-shackers feel when their ex doesn't respond to their contact./ When you start to feel that way, remember that she cheated on you. Do you think she felt guilty about it? Apparently not. So why feel guilty about treating her like the dog she is? She doesn't deserve any of your attention. None whatsoever. It's a knock on their self-esteem I would normally respond but I am not fully healed(hope to get there) from her infidelity and she has a boyfriend(last time I heard)...so she should concentrate on their relationship. But I still feel bad about not responding...and this is the second time in a row I haven't responded to her...so I assume she will feel worse...which is not my intent. Uhhh brother. WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are not at fault. SHE is the one who made this bed. You MAKE her sleep in it. If she really wanted you in her life she wouldn't have cheated on you. SCREW HER dude and the horse she rode in on. There are better women out there for you man. Why waste your time on a woman like that???
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