Nevermind Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 I do not regret it, but I would like to hear if someone thinks this is morally wrong. My ex and I had been in an LDR (after living together for a year). I found out that he had an affair, by reading his e-mail (yes, this is wrong, but that's a different topic). She had been living in the same city like he did, and they were leading a normal relationship life. She is going to live in a different country around this month, I think. The study programme ended in June. I wrote her. Here is what I said: You don't know me. I am the other girlfriend of G. When you started going out, he already was with me. Whenever he said that he loved you and wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, he said the same to me. I don't want to hurt you, but save you from the pain I am going through right now.I know that people usually say that telling is cheap and wrong. BUT, we have been in a relationship, I was not the other woman since I was there before her. When I wrote that I thought that she had no idea about me, and was basically being cheated on as well. I did not hate her. Sadly, the thread about this time was lost due to the data problems, or I could prove that I never blamed her for anything. Through an e-mail from her I later found out that she actually knew about me all along. The ex used my e-mail to her as a means to pressure me and blaming me for the end of our love. I do think that he is partially wrong, but I accept that it wasn't the best thing I could have done. My question is, from the outside, was it really wrong to send this e-mail? Is this showing some charactre flaw that I should work on?
quankanne Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 your ex is a jackass. You, in your ignorance of HER knowledge of you, were trying to save your relationship. A relationship that he obviously had no respect for, and for him to say that you facilitated "the end of our love" is complete and utter bullshxt. you didn't know about their relationship, but it was okay for him to tell her about it, then proceed to hook up with her anyway? That dog don't hunt. you were not wrong, just ignorant of the facts. Don't let him continue to treat like some kind of idiot or fool for ruining HIS lie of a life by contacting her. Tell him to stick it up his bunghole, that he's just not worth your time because he's a damned liar and will say anything to justify his behavior.
Author Nevermind Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 Thanks, quankanne. We are no longer in contact. I just want to learn from this experience and grow as a person. I don't want to make the same mistakes another time, and this means that first I'll have to figure out what was a mistake and what not. However, I did not try to save our relationship. It was 4 days after D-Day and we had already been broken up. I just wanted to put an end to the questions and drama. I felt it was only fair for her to know the truth. According to her e-mail I was a nasty piece of work whom he never loved anyway, so I guess she didn't have the real picture either. But had I known that she knew about me, then I'd never have written her in the first place.
Ariadne Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 My question is, from the outside, was it really wrong to send this e-mail? Is this showing some charactre flaw that I should work on? The only thing I get from reading that email is bitterness and retardedness. They are adults and they can solve their own problems and it doesn't seem like it's your business to "let her know better". Obviously she knew all about you and didn't care.
Author Nevermind Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 Obviously she knew all about you and didn't care.It wasn't obvious to me. Thanks for calling me a retard. So did she. So, that's two.
Ariadne Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 It wasn't obvious to me. Thanks for calling me a retard. So did she. So, that's two. Oh, she did? Well, that email was kind of dumb, but I don't think you are dumb. I've done all kind of stupid things for love myself.
Author Nevermind Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 Oh, she did? Okay, it's just a smiley. But I am really offended by that. Please go laugh at somebody else's expense. I thank you for your honest reply. But I don't need to be laughed at.
Stockalone Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 My question is, from the outside, was it really wrong to send this e-mail? Is this showing some charactre flaw that I should work on? You had no idea that she was aware of your relationship with him. She could have very well been another victim, unaware of who he really is. So, you did the right thing and let her know what her bf is capable of (cheating, lying, abusive). A good person would have appreciated that information about that guy. It turns out that she aware of how he treated you and she didn't mind. It's not your fault that she an amoral, cheating whore.
underpants Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 I don't think sending the warning was morally wrong. Actually, it was a kind and unselfish thing to do. Many people value the truth, even if it an unpleasant one. However, because they both knew and were embroilded in a deception they projected and deflected what they needed to in order to make their situation feel okay. With that attitude then my money says that their relationship will not be an all to happy one.
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