Decisions, decisions..

[Ssheena]

One of these years you are going to look back on your behavior now and just shake your head in disgust over how you are acting now. Unfortunately, no one is going to forget your behavior. They might forgive it (ah, he's brokenhearted) but no one, not your boss, not anyone who has witnessed anything between you two is going to forget it.

 

You have been on here for months. Same ol, same ol. That's why my money was on you behaving like you did. It's your choice how you handle this, how you react, what you do and you are making extremely bad choices.

 

Did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe the reason her flatmate contacted you is because she wanted to know if you were going to be there so SHE could prepare herself for how to deal with your ridiculous sniveling around her, pathetic begging, puppy dog eyes following her everywhere she went, and that's why he was by her side all night? Running interference for her.

 

No wonder she thinks you are a complete dick.

[Nevermind]

i got an email this morning berating my behaviour, saying that i'm just making things worse and that she feels bad enough as it is without me hassling her, that she is starting to hate me again..

 

I replied with a soppy email, saying i just miss her and am trying to win her back.. she says she knows this but i'm driving us further apart.. she says i have to relax, i hope that's a good sign??

 

You broke up 5 months ago, even more than that. She told you what she needed. Be it fair, be it right, it doesn't matter - those were her words. I took it from your first thread here.

 

You're still not doing this. You need to let her go. I honestly doubt that you will get her back again, or if you did she would feel respect instead of pity towards you. But you can get yourself back. Your life, your happiness. Maybe she will be attracted to you again then, maybe she will not. It won't matter. You have had a life before her, you can have a life after her again.

[iwish]

Yes sailing you are right. I need to have some more self respect. She's on the pedastal because i put her there. She is stunning and we had the most amazing sexual chemistry either of us have ever had. It ended. I need to accept that.

 

Serendip, I shouldn't have gone, no. There's not much i can do about it now. It's not a big problem as far as work is concerned as like i said, only one of the people there who witnessed my emotional breakdown was the girl who came home with me and she was cool about it.

Yes my self esteem is low. Rejection from someone you love sucks. It hurts so much, but like you said she can choose not to be with me and there's nothing i can do.

 

Ssheeena, I don't appreciate your twist on things. I didn't follow her everywhere, i didn't watch her every move and i did no begging. I actually played it cool all night until 3am when everybody was drunk. Yes i got emotional and yes i shouldn't have cried. i'm a cry baby, simple as that.

 

NM, you are so right. I have to let her go. I know that. I'm a stupid stupid man. Yes i posted that 5 months ago (wow!) but we've been on and off since then. With me always trying and trying and getting nowhere. Time to give up .

[serendip]

Dude...you just have to lick your wounds and stop chasing after this girl

 

 

It's OVER...you have to realize that....and once YOU accept that...then you can start the healing process

[iwish]

Yes serendip you are right. For some reason i struggle to accept it. I'm an idiot. simple.

It is OVER and i have to stop hiding from the simple truth of the matter. I think the reason is because we've split up before and managed to get back together again and again. It's been too long now and i can't continue living my life like this and neither can she. I love her and miss her and well i want her to be happy too.

 

There's also more to tell. I met her today for lunch and well.. We spoke, I will post the details once i've processed the whole thing in my own mind.

 

Thanks to you all for your opinions.

[iwish]

Well i'm feeling blue today, this morning anyway.. I've woken up this morning miserable as sin. I have to start on day one NC all over again ..

 

We met yesterday lunch time to clear the air after Thursdays stupidness.. We chatted, she told me things that made me feel better at the time..

 

She said..

 

That when i stop chasing she missed me, that after the two weeks of NC, she was thinking about me and all good things... But then after the two weeks i contacted her and she said i ruined it by doing that.

 

She's scared that she'll never find what we had again. That our sexual chemistry was unique and special and the best she's had. She's presuming that she will never get that again (as i do,)

 

I told her that i loved her and missed her and that she was very special to me. (i know, i'm a sap)

 

It was a nice chat. She knows that i didn't ring her ex, she knows that i wasn't following her. Appartentaly she was just angry...

 

I apologised for anything bad that she thought i had done. We both agreed that we had an amazing time together and miss them.

 

We sat in the park and hugged, there was also some flirting. .. She had to go back to work, so i walked her there hand in hand, but then she suggested that i hang around and we could meet up that night and talk some more and maybe have some fun.

 

So i did ... I waited for about 3 hours until she finished work. She came out and said that she just wanted to go home as she was tired. What could i do? So we got the tube home together (her to her house, me to mine)..

 

We stood on the train and hugged, i told her that i'm not going to contact her anymore (big mistake?) I told her that i understand that she just doesn't want me and that's fine. Nobody can help the way they feel .. I also said i need to get over her, i need to move on. For that reason i wouldn't be contacting her again. Telling her i missed her, etc... I did say that she has my number, she knows where i live and if she ever wants to talk, she can.

 

We kissed, quite passionately. It was nice at the time and it was a mutual kiss, just like we used to have .. She got off the train and i came home.

 

I was in a good mood last night, it has ended well. There's no anger on her part and none on mine. But i woke up this morning with nothing but her on my mind. How we're never going to see each other again, how we're not going to hug and share those kisses again.

 

I just don't know what to do. I'm in a world of pain again and i'm fed up with it. I'm fed up with feeling so bad. It's been going on too long and i can't help but wonder that maybe i should have just left it on an angry note. I miss her so much and it hurts

[iwish]

I need to get over this and i don't know how. It's driving me crazy. It's been left on a good note with us kissing goodbye and going our separate ways. I'm having trouble maintaining NC again. It's only day one. We spoke yesterday and there really is nothing more i can say or do. I can offer her sex again and maybe she'll accept, but after the hotel incident i don't want to go through that pain again.

 

i've told her i intend to not contact her, i've told her this and i can't break my word. i've made a statement and i need to stick with it.

 

I read other posts of people with more than a month NC and i am truly jealous. I want to be healing, i want to stop with the ****ing contact. I need to stop. But even now i have a stupid bloody urge just to text her, just to thank her for yesterdays niceness. Just to offer her sex. Just to be in her head again. Just to possibly see her again.

 

Help me!! please.

[sailing]

Well, iwish, you haven't exactly listened to or followed advice before, and you can't really rely on other people to do the NC work for you.

 

You have to practice your will power just like everyone else. Yes it's tough in the beginning but also - let's face it - really quite simple. But instead of controlling your own urges, you still seem to be looking for a way to control her and the whole situation.

 

I'm amazed at your denial, you're so focused on having this girl at any price. Why? Is it to prove something to yourself? I wouldn't be suprised if, after yesterday, you're partly considering NC as a way of getting her to miss you rather than to move on, but I do hope not. Just imagine if you could use that optimism and blind faith to look to the future instead.

[iwish]

thanks sailing ..

 

I know i'm an idiot and this has to stop. I have to move on, i have to heal. I always look at the small actions that she does. The kissing, the hugging, the flirting and that gives me false hope. The fact that she mentions the sex all the time gives me false hope too. I hate that i always have hope, i really do.

 

Why do i want to be with her at any price, because i miss what we were and what we could've been again, if only she actually wanted to really try. Yes if i'm honest i miss the sex as much as she said she does. But i miss more than that. I miss just sitting with her and relaxing, kissing, hugging.. the normal stuff..

 

It's not about proving anything to myself. I can get with other girls and i've been on dates. But i've not connected with them in anyway. I've always thought about my ex and how i'd rather be with her. I can't see myself with anyone as good as her again.

 

I have to be honest with you, yes i'm hoping (a little) that NC will make her miss me. My main reason though is to move on. I need to move on. I don't want to be here in a years time going through the same stuff.

 

I need to be happy again. I need to lose the stupid hope that i have of reconciliation. I have tried so hard with her so very hard and just got burnt at every turn. I want to try and hate her, but i know i wont. She's done nothing wrong. She just doesn't want me and who can blame her.

[sailing]

Why do i want to be with her at any price, because i miss what we were and what we could've been again, if only she actually wanted to really try.

 

But she doesn't want to really try, and it isn't likely to change. You don't want to accept that though, do you?

 

Yes if i'm honest i miss the sex as much as she said she does.

 

You're not alone in this. I for one have never had, and am not really expecting to find again, the chemistry I had with my ex. But it could happen. In any case, sex can gloss over a lot, but not change or fix an unbalanced relationship.

 

It's not about proving anything to myself. I can get with other girls and i've been on dates. But i've not connected with them in anyway. I've always thought about my ex and how i'd rather be with her.

 

Come on - you haven't even begun to get over her yet! And is it a connection or a compulsion? I was wondering why you go back, again and again, flogging this dead horse, expecting it to miraculously get back up. Is it to prove that you're good enough?

 

I have to be honest with you, yes i'm hoping (a little) that NC will make her miss me.

 

This is madness. Besides, even if she said she missed you, she also said that the moment you contacted her you "ruined" it. It's a bit of a catch 22 then, isn't it? The most you can possibly hope for is that the whole rollercoaster starts all over again, only this time heading even faster towards the exact same result.

[iwish]

But she doesn't want to really try, and it isn't likely to change. You don't want to accept that though, do you?

 

My friend, i'm trying to accept it, I really am. I just struggle to believe it. We've broken up before and we've always got back together again. I do know that she can do what she likes. I want to let go, that's why i'm here. I don't want to be the guy that cant let go anymore. I don't want to be here in a year.

 

You're not alone in this. I for one have never had, and am not really expecting to find again, the chemistry I had with my ex. But it could happen. In any case, sex can gloss over a lot, but not change or fix an unbalanced relationship.

 

Sorry to hear i'm not alone in that. It was amazing and i hope that i do find that connection again. I very much doubt it, but i guess it's something i'm going to have to live with.

 

 

 

Come on - you haven't even begun to get over her yet! And is it a connection or a compulsion? I was wondering why you go back, again and again, flogging this dead horse, expecting it to miraculously get back up. Is it to prove that you're good enough?

 

I know i'm not good enough. I've always know that. She was just too beautiful and smart for me. I loved her and i feel that i have to prove that to her. I don't pre-plan texting her. I get a stupid urge that i can't stop. But i will stop!

 

 

This is madness. Besides, even if she said she missed you, she also said that the moment you contacted her you "ruined" it. It's a bit of a catch 22 then, isn't it? The most you can possibly hope for is that the whole rollercoaster starts all over again, only this time heading even faster towards the exact same result.

 

Yes catch 22 indeed. It's a no win situation. The only thing i can do is try and move on, try not to think about her and just accept that this happens to the best of us. But it's hard!