iwish Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Well today is Wednesday, tomorrow is thursday.. Just another day right? Nooooo... Tomorrow is my works drinks and my ex has been invited (not by me!) and has decided to come. I mean she was with one of the guys who is leaving before me (for about 1 week) and she hasn't worked here for 8 months.. Yet she is coming. I have 3 choices and i don't know what to do.. A) I can not go.. Just go home and imagine what she's getting up to with my work mates .. B) I can go.. Play it cool and just ignore her.. And be a man!! C) I can go, when she comes i can leave.. Now in the past when we used to work together and when we had split up, we would get back together at these events. We always would..I'd play it cool and things would just happen .. But.. and a big but, I can't count on that happening again. I don't want to go and see her getting 'friendly' with one of my work colleagues. That would kill me. Do you think she would be so nasty as to do something like that? Oh, what to do?!
Corinne Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 I think it depends how long you have been apart? but I think if I was you and a Man! I would go and not get back with her or even give her the time of day.... easier typed than done Be brave, be strong and love yourself without her!
Ronni_W Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Do you think she would be so nasty as to do something like that? Who really knows, huh? But perhaps there are some clues in her 'why' for deciding to attend? Do you know if she still has good relationships with many of her former work colleagues? If not, doesn't make sense for her to really be interested in the event...other than, perhaps, to 'stir your pot' and 'press your buttons'? You can also "be a man" by not putting yourself in harm's way -- if your gut is telling you to stay away or to leave as soon as she arrives, it is also "being a man" to listen to that. Well at least, in this woman's opinion, that is also being a man . Interesting that you said you "can't count on" getting together again, THIS time -- not sure why -- it just made me go, "Hhmmm..."
Author iwish Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 Well a quick recap or our turbulent recent history.. She first dumped me at the beginning of Feb.. We got back at the start of April.. She dumped me again middleish May.. We met up at the beginning of June in a hotel just for sex.. That was the last time we were together and the last time she was civil to me, now she just tends to ignore me... Before all this we used to work together and she dumped me a few times over the year but at these events we got back together again. As for having a good relationship with these guys, well not really. To my knowledge she has seen them once since she left. But now suddenly they're her friends and she wants to go..
Nevermind Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Do you want to go and would stay home because you fear seeing her again? Or do you don't want to go but think you should to be a man?
Author iwish Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 Do you want to go and would stay home because you fear seeing her again? Or do you don't want to go but think you should to be a man? To be honest NM, i want to go and see her and have the possibility of a reconciliation.. Sad aren't i
Nevermind Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Then...don't go. Don't stay at home either. Do something different. Go to the movies with a friend, maybe?
Author iwish Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 But then i miss out on a possible chance and i don't want to kick myself about it.. She actually said that she wants us both to go, relax and have a laugh. She added that it was my best chance.. (i don't know what she meant by that!)
Peter_pan Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 wow she is a right one isnt she. playing games. b****
Nevermind Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 iwish: Why exactly do you want to continue this on/off relationship?
ianandris Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 It was your best chance? Where does she get off saying that? It's pretty clear what that means. You mentioned that you've had a history of getting back together at these things. You realize that if you go, she's going evaluate you the entire time to see if she wants to do it all over again, which means she thinks that's okay behavior. You realize that every time she dumps you and you go back to her, you're reinforcing the idea that it's okay to dump you, right? It's not going to stop if you get back with her again. It just won't. If she wants you back, let her come after you. You don't want to be groveling after her. Hell, the way she dumped you embraced you and dumped you again is just plain cruel. Clearly, she doesn't have your best interest in mind and, more than anything, is probably just missing companionship. Once she gets her fill of companionship, she heads for the door until she needs it again. As painful as it is, you need to let her go completely, bro. She left, now she needs to live with the consequences of her decision. She thinks you're always going to be there for her, and she's self interested enough to leverage that to her advantage. You don't want a woman like that in your life, bro. You deserve better than that.
Ronni_W Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 She added that it was my best chance.. (i don't know what she meant by that!) YES, you do know exactly what she meant by that! But. Nevermind posed the question that is also on my mind.
Author iwish Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 Why do i want to continue it? I miss the girl and as much as she obviously doesn't love me, i do her ... Also the statement about it being my best chance, is in all honesty a bit crap. Because what if (and probably most likely) she deems me not worthy of that chance. She's had many an opportunity to be with me and thrown me away every time. She wasn't promising me anything and in fact said some rather sobering things during our conversation.. i.e 'we all want something we can't have' (she wants brad pitt apparently). What if she goes with the other guy? What if she gets with someone new? All these thoughts are running through my mind and it's killing me.
Nevermind Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Don't you want to be loved? She is not going to fill that void. If you want a good relationship, you have to erase the drama. She is drama.
serendip Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 What if she goes with the other guy? What if she gets with someone new? You know she has most likely slept with a couple of guys since you. Come on buddy...it's time to let her go and start the hard part...heal
wareagle Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Hey buddy, I wouldn't go!! Why take the chance? It is never going to work she is just playing games with you!
Ssheena Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 I know! Go and let her know that you would take her back, you would do anything to have her back, you love her and always will and why can't she see it. You can do that and be pathetic (pathetic - er) or you can get it through your head it is OVER and will never be what you want it be. My money is you do option #1. Prove me wrong.
pickingupthepieces Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 Perfectly put Ssheena.. it IS so much easier to go with option #1, because that's what you WANT.. The thing about what we WANT, especially in these situations, is it is not usually something we need. You HAVE tried it again.. and what happened? You split... Second chances work for the very few... but this is beyond second chances.. the whole hotel thing... (If I remember correctly, it was the whole no strings attached thing) and you TOLD her you loved her and what happened nothing. SHE knows you love her... and shes using it... for drama, maybe? Whatever the reason you are worth so much more then that.. you are not a doormat.. she has stomped all over you one to many times don't you think? Just my opinion... it is SO hard I know.. but you DO deserve someone who is NOT going to say "it's your best chance!" Who says that seriously.. thats so rude.. that makes me want to hit her and I don't even know her. If anyone said that to me I would be SO hurt.. You don't WANT a chance, you don't NEED a chance **** her and her "chance" GGGRRRR!
Author iwish Posted July 3, 2008 Author Posted July 3, 2008 Thanks to you all for taking time to reply. I really appreciate it. I've had her flat mate online today asking me if i'm going tonight. I find that weird since i haven't spoken to him in a month. It leaves me thinking that she is obviously discussing the whole situation with him and at least isn't a total cold bitch in realising that i'm suffering a bit. I would like to go for option B, just go and ignore her. I don't know if i'm strong enough for that. But will see how i feel later. Everyone here is saying how 'messy' it is going to get tonight and how it's going to be so great. Should i miss out on some office bonding just because i'm a pussy? Damn!!
sultry33 Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 tell her flat mate you have a better offer;) i wouldnt go.. i would get busy doing something that would make me happy.. if its going to make you happy to go.. and ignore her anyway.. which speaks words anyway.. then go. i hope whatever you decide its good for you:)
Nevermind Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 Just because she spoke to her flatmate doesn't mean she is saying nice things. Neither would saying nice things mean that she actually truly cares for you. You are the mouse, she is the cat. On/off relationships are always to the benefit of the drama-loving party.
sailing Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 Everyone here is saying how 'messy' it is going to get tonight and how it's going to be so great. Should i miss out on some office bonding just because i'm a pussy? ...AS IF your mind would be on office bonding! Just adding my voice to the naysayers in retrospect - not that it makes an ounce of difference. Hope it didn't get too messy.
Author iwish Posted July 4, 2008 Author Posted July 4, 2008 Well i went. It started ok. She showed up late with her flat mate. I managed to ignore her for a bit, but then the groups merged and we talked in the group. All good and cool. Then the night went on, the alcohol flowed and we all moved on. Throughout the night, her and her flat mate just talked amongst themselves (i was getting jealous!).. They were practically inseparable. Every where she went, he went and vice versa. I tried to ignore it but by the end (3am) I made a complete tit of myself .. I tried to get her on her own to talk and i actually heard him say to her not to do so. That pissed me off (i know i have no right).. Anyway, the tears flowed amongst a group of 5. Not a big deal as she doesn't work here, he doesn't either the other guy was leaving and the other girl came home with me! I was gutted, she looked stunning (as usual). I wanted us to relax and talk but she just wouldn't. It ended badly but what can i do? I try and try and i get nothing back. She things i'm a complete dick and there's nothing i can do. The tears were embaressing and i hate that i cried again. I'm an emotional sap and really need to move on and forget her. But i can't! She's on a pedastol and i can't seem to get her off!! Damn!
sailing Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 Ok, sorry about the upset and embarrassment but - why on earth do you keep doing this to yourself? You say you "need" to move on, and "can't" get her off the pedestal, but it's not going to make any difference because you don't want to do either. I really don't want to start the whole attractiveness debate again, but as even you realise that her behaviour isn't exactly pleasant, it seems like this is mainly to do with her being "stunning", and the effect it has on your male ego to have her on your arm, or lose her. Why is that more important to you than your self-respect?
serendip Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 iwish you should not have gone if you can't control yourself...especially in a place of work. It's not professional. Your self-esteem is really low right now...but I have to tell you this for your own good. What little respect she had for you is gone after this fiasco...you can't expect her to respect you when you don't respect yourself. You seem like a good chap who cares for this women but the situation is she has every right to walk away from this relationship just as you do. So you have to respect her choice. It hurts like a mofo but you have to deal with the pain without pestering her. MOVE ON and heal...it's the only way.
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