Feeling like I may have lost one of the best things in my life

[renaissancewoman101]

Recently, I posted this thread about how my friend (who I also had a dating relationship with for a while), decided to suddenly end his friendship with me via email.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t156656/

 

I'm not heartbroken about it, like crying and sobbing about it, but I am depressed over it and wondering if there is any chance he may change his mind down the road. No, I haven't contacted him. I've decided to take the route of letting things settle down before deciding what to do. I'm afraid of wrecking things more.

 

Part of me is kicking myself at not having seen that he was not happy with chatting with me so much on the phone. I really didn't see it coming since I did try to not be so dismal and serious with my phone calls. Sometimes I would talk about things in my life that were good, like me getting involved in my art class, going out to do other things, etc. I just looked forward to talking to him every week. It was something I enjoyed doing. And when I asked him if it was ok to call him, he'd tell me "you don't need to ask, if you want to call me, call me. If I am busy, I'll call you back".

 

I dunno what I could have done wrong. And this time there is no template to reconciling down the road. Yes, we did have a major fallout as friends about a year ago where he told me he didn't want to be friends with me anymore. That time I talked to him and he told me to give him a few months space. I did just that, even though it KILLED me inside. I went and dated (nothing materialized), and I got burned on a few dates. I wrote about my life on my facebook and read his facebook, just so I could know how he was doing. Now that is not possible anymore. He doesn't update it.

 

This lack of anything scares me. No toehold to hold on to.

 

Sometimes I wish that during that time when I went out and dated, that I could have found someone else. It would have helped me get over this attachment, and maybe helped us be normal friends.

 

I don't know what to do next. I do plan to continue with my art class and with some other social things I want to join.

 

Mostly, I'm scared that I have no one to talk to about my life, the ups and downs of it, like you would do with a good friend. He was a good friend, although sometimes I wish he would tell me if he was frustrated with me.

 

I would give anything to be able to patch this friendship up. I don't blame him though. To me, he still is a great person and a caring one at that.

 

I was the one who messed everything up as usual.

 

No wonder people say I am hard to be friends with.

[confused and broken]

He actually doesn't sound like a good friend

This friendship sounds like nothing but misery

[awkward]

Recently, I posted this thread about how my friend (who I also had a dating relationship with for a while), decided to suddenly end his friendship with me via email.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t156656/

 

I'm not heartbroken about it, like crying and sobbing about it, but I am depressed over it and wondering if there is any chance he may change his mind down the road. No, I haven't contacted him. I've decided to take the route of letting things settle down before deciding what to do. I'm afraid of wrecking things more.

 

I think this is a wise decision. There is a chance that he may change his mind down the road but I wouldn't bank on it in the foreseeable future. Maybe if years later you two bump into each other, he might reconsider being friends again.

 

Part of me is kicking myself at not having seen that he was not happy with chatting with me so much on the phone. I really didn't see it coming since I did try to not be so dismal and serious with my phone calls. Sometimes I would talk about things in my life that were good, like me getting involved in my art class, going out to do other things, etc. I just looked forward to talking to him every week. It was something I enjoyed doing. And when I asked him if it was ok to call him, he'd tell me "you don't need to ask, if you want to call me, call me. If I am busy, I'll call you back".

Hindsight is 20/20. The good news is that you can learn from this experience. I think you had more invested in the friendship than he did. He probably just didn't want to hurt your feelings.

 

I dunno what I could have done wrong. And this time there is no template to reconciling down the road. Yes, we did have a major fallout as friends about a year ago where he told me he didn't want to be friends with me anymore. That time I talked to him and he told me to give him a few months space. I did just that, even though it KILLED me inside. I went and dated (nothing materialized), and I got burned on a few dates. I wrote about my life on my facebook and read his facebook, just so I could know how he was doing. Now that is not possible anymore. He doesn't update it.

Don't worry about blogging on your facebook so he can see what you are up to. I don't think that he is really all that interested in your dates. Although, you could blog that you are spending some time working on your issues and will be back later when you get a better handle on them. He will see that you understood his message and that you are trying.

 

This lack of anything scares me. No toehold to hold on to.

I know it is really scary right now. But you will meet someone else.

 

Sometimes I wish that during that time when I went out and dated, that I could have found someone else. It would have helped me get over this attachment, and maybe helped us be normal friends.

Repeating myself here but I think this is important for you to hear. You will meet someone else. You may always miss this friendship, but it will get easier over time.

 

I don't know what to do next. I do plan to continue with my art class and with some other social things I want to join.

I think these are great ideas. Get out there and meet new people. You may even make new friends.

 

Mostly, I'm scared that I have no one to talk to about my life, the ups and downs of it, like you would do with a good friend. He was a good friend, although sometimes I wish he would tell me if he was frustrated with me.

I think that a therapist is a good sounding board for talking about issues in your life. In time, you will be able to share the ups and downs with friends again. Right now speaking with a therapist about how you feel with this loss of a good friend might be a good idea. The therapist may even help you work on social skills so you can make new friends.

 

I would give anything to be able to patch this friendship up. I don't blame him though. To me, he still is a great person and a caring one at that.

 

I was the one who messed everything up as usual.

I'm not sure that he was a good friend to you. He might have been, but I didn't get that impression when I read your initial thread. Don't beat yourself over it. If anything, I think that you tried too hard with a relationship that was one-sided.

 

No wonder people say I am hard to be friends with.

So you aren't perfect. It's okay. You are hard to be friends with. Since you know there is a problem, all you can do is work on it. Learn to be a better friend to others.

 

I think you are a good person. You see that you messed up. Right now you are hurting. It will get better. Just try to think about other things. Make plans and work on your social skills. Things will get better.

 

Try not to dwell on this relationship. It is over for now. And don't lose hope. One day you might be friends again. But I think once you have your issues worked out, it won't be as important to you.

 

(((Hugs)))

[renaissancewoman101]

Awkward, thank you for your post. I do agree with your interpretation about things. I guess what most saddens me is, is that this whole thing probably could have been avoided if he had told me that he was not happy with our "friendship" and that he wanted some space from my phone contact. I would have happily complied.

 

I am terrible when it comes to reading people. I can't always tell if I am a bother to people. And some people are too nice to let others know they are becoming a nuisance until its too late.

 

I think about him a lot, and although it does NOT make me cry or anything like that, it makes me depressed since I wonder how he's doing and stuff.

 

I never knew it would be this HARD to stay friends with an ex. I am good friends with my first ex (actually like best friends). It was hard but we both kept at it.