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So sad :( Why me?

melissa123

By melissa123
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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melissa123 Established Member

melissa123

Posted
Posted

Dear Loveshackers

 

I have been having a difficult few days recently and thought I would come here for a bit of encouragement/advice.

 

I have had a difficult year, my longterm relationship of 3.5 years fell apart and really destroyed me. My partner left me for someone else, he broke up with me and the next day was with someone else and carried on with life happy as larry while I was shattered. It took me months and months to get a smile back on my face. I was so stressed and unhealthy. I got very physically sick from all the heartache.

I loved this guy but the relationship had been difficult, his mother and friends had despised me from day one despite my best efforts and abiding by all their rules (they were part of a religious group that didn't like anyone different) I would get nasty comments constantly and my ex bf never once stood up for me. He would even tell them lies about me to make himself look better. Despite all this I loved him so much and I was by no means perfect either so it really tore my heart out when he left.

 

6 months on is the midist of all my struggles and heartache I met another man. Unfortunatly I fell for quite badly for him, he seemed to treat me so much better than my ex did and it really helped me in my grieving process. However it only lasted a month before things started to change. One day he would really like me and then he would ignore me for a few days and be quite rude. When I asked about it he said he didn't really like me. Of course I was shattered but I had learnt so i backed away straight away. However he continued to bombard me with txts acting like we were together. He would constantly invite me places and be all over me, he invited me to his party a few weeks ago and wouldnt let go of me all night. Then for the next few days ignored me again, untill he was all over me at the next event.

I was stupid, I didn't know what to do and I really liked this guy so I just let it carry on. I honestly thought we would end up together as that was the way he was acting, all the cute little txts and being all over me when we were out.

 

BUT one week after our last time out together I found out through his flatmate that he now had a new gf and was all "loved up". I never heard from him again and was so hurt about everything.

He has carried on life all happy with his new gf and yet again I am left to pick up the pieces :(

 

I came to Loveshack today feeling so sad and feeling that life is so unfair :mad: Both times I have tried everything to keep things together and yet both times my exs hurt me yet move on happily while I get crushed.

It hurts soo badly to be left for someone else, even more so when it happens twice. :mad:

Now I haven't been dwelling on it this time as it hurts to much. I tried to be the bigger person both times and carried on with life as normal however everything is fake. Im not happy, although I pretend to be, im misrable and everytime I am alone or stop to think it hurts so bad :mad: I keep myself incredibally busy and I just dont want to stop and think.

 

How is it fair that both time they moved on to be so happy while I was left to pick up the pieces?

On the surface I acted like I didn't care but deep down im so shattered.

I know I shouldnt rely on someone else making me happy but I couldn't help but fall for them and who wouldn't get crushed when they are left for someone else :mad:

I guess im just so sick of being unhappy, i miss being able to smile and actually mean it, i hate faking my happiness around everyone. How do I get that happinness back?

 

Sorry this had gotten so long, I really hope your still reading.

I really need some encouragement or something right now as my heart is aching and everything seems so unfair :mad:

 

Thanks

dead-dyke Established Member

dead-dyke

Posted
Posted

I'm so sorry for you. You've been getting a raw deal. As far as religious people, they are the worst Hypocrites. I'm sure to catch hell for that one. I wish I could offer some advice, but I don't know what to say. I can tell you, there are a lot of people on here that are really intelligent, and most likely, if you stick around, someone is likely to give you some bang up advice. I am sorry, though.

kizik Established Member

kizik

Posted
Posted

Why you?

 

Because you're human, and this is a part of life. There is no point in feeling sorry for yourself, though I will admit that I still do from time to time! :) I know it's new, fresh pain, but here's some tough love for you:

 

This site was created by some wonderful people 8 years back b/c heartbreak is a universal, never-ending experience. Just as people are dying and starving each day, people are also losing the one they thought they'd be with forever.

 

Once you can realize this, you can begin to understand that you are in NO WAY alone, and that this is part of life, a learning experience, something that happens so that you can deal with adversity in a healthier, more productive way in the future.

 

-kizik

sultry33 Established Member

sultry33

Posted
Posted

hi op,

 

hugs to you..

 

life really can be unfair and we all know this here.. so welcome aboard..

 

you have to kee on smiling as it will help you.. a smile gets a smile and all that jazz..

 

you need to work on you so you dont feel like you need someone else as much.. improve what relationship rules you have.. ie if they treat you bad.. get out simple as..

 

go out with friends/family get busy.. stay busy..

 

when you meet someone else as of course you will, make them chase you more and as above if it dont feel right let it go.. a guy should be good too you all the time not here an there.. you deserve the best.. dont settle for anything less.

 

take time to learn from these last 2 guys.. meeting someone too soon is just rebound and really just delays healing..

 

be good to yourself x

Gordon's Right Member

Gordon's Right

Posted
Posted

You sure got a raw deal.

 

It hurts when someone we care about just disappears, because the only thing we can think of is that it is our fault, and or they didn't care about US. Which is terrible! We all deserve love, especially from the ones who we love and cherish.

 

However there are a lot of ways to kill attraction.

 

Can you think of any that you may have done?

stlnsmile Established Member

stlnsmile

Posted
Posted
Dear Loveshackers

 

I have been having a difficult few days recently and thought I would come here for a bit of encouragement/advice.

 

I have had a difficult year, my longterm relationship of 3.5 years fell apart and really destroyed me. My partner left me for someone else, he broke up with me and the next day was with someone else and carried on with life happy as larry while I was shattered. It took me months and months to get a smile back on my face. I was so stressed and unhealthy. I got very physically sick from all the heartache.

I loved this guy but the relationship had been difficult, his mother and friends had despised me from day one despite my best efforts and abiding by all their rules (they were part of a religious group that didn't like anyone different) I would get nasty comments constantly and my ex bf never once stood up for me. He would even tell them lies about me to make himself look better. Despite all this I loved him so much and I was by no means perfect either so it really tore my heart out when he left.

 

6 months on is the midist of all my struggles and heartache I met another man. Unfortunatly I fell for quite badly for him, he seemed to treat me so much better than my ex did and it really helped me in my grieving process. However it only lasted a month before things started to change. One day he would really like me and then he would ignore me for a few days and be quite rude. When I asked about it he said he didn't really like me. Of course I was shattered but I had learnt so i backed away straight away. However he continued to bombard me with txts acting like we were together. He would constantly invite me places and be all over me, he invited me to his party a few weeks ago and wouldnt let go of me all night. Then for the next few days ignored me again, untill he was all over me at the next event.

I was stupid, I didn't know what to do and I really liked this guy so I just let it carry on. I honestly thought we would end up together as that was the way he was acting, all the cute little txts and being all over me when we were out.

 

BUT one week after our last time out together I found out through his flatmate that he now had a new gf and was all "loved up". I never heard from him again and was so hurt about everything.

He has carried on life all happy with his new gf and yet again I am left to pick up the pieces :(

 

I came to Loveshack today feeling so sad and feeling that life is so unfair :mad: Both times I have tried everything to keep things together and yet both times my exs hurt me yet move on happily while I get crushed.

It hurts soo badly to be left for someone else, even more so when it happens twice. :mad:

Now I haven't been dwelling on it this time as it hurts to much. I tried to be the bigger person both times and carried on with life as normal however everything is fake. Im not happy, although I pretend to be, im misrable and everytime I am alone or stop to think it hurts so bad :mad: I keep myself incredibally busy and I just dont want to stop and think.

 

How is it fair that both time they moved on to be so happy while I was left to pick up the pieces?

On the surface I acted like I didn't care but deep down im so shattered.

I know I shouldnt rely on someone else making me happy but I couldn't help but fall for them and who wouldn't get crushed when they are left for someone else :mad:

I guess im just so sick of being unhappy, i miss being able to smile and actually mean it, i hate faking my happiness around everyone. How do I get that happinness back?

 

Sorry this had gotten so long, I really hope your still reading.

I really need some encouragement or something right now as my heart is aching and everything seems so unfair :mad:

 

Thanks

 

I know so much where you are, the same sort of things happened to me. I think the main thing is, and you really need to look at this, what are you deriving your happiness from? Is your happiness coming from a man, or from you? I think women tend to value themselves based on whether they are "lovable" or not. The truth is, you do not need a man to tell you you are worth something. You need to tell that to yourself. You are looking outside of yourself for happiness. I know how bad it hurts to be rejected, and more than once.....no its not fair...but you know what...life never is. If life was fair, children wouldn't die from cancer, and earth quakes wouldn't distroy entire villages. But they doooo. For so long I put all my eggs into the man basket, and I had nothing left when I was done. It took this painful expirience to teach me that, that is something I never ever want to do again. We have to be happy with our own lives, with ourselves. We have to be happy with who we are. I can tell you my man was certainly happy with who he was. We have to do the same thing. We have to live a life that is fullfilling to us, that makes us happy, and feel good about ourselves, and then...then we will find a good relationship based on mutual respect. Our mate will be able to respect us for who we are, in fact, maybe even be impressed with who we are. Look into yourself, find out why you are unhappy, seperate from the lonliness.....and then you will start to heal. You are lonly no doubt, its always hard loosing someone, there is a huge void.....but we have to learn to fill that void with ourselves and our interests and our lives.

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