D-Jam Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Based on my past experiences, I say it's a bad idea for the woman to say it first. Guys need more time to assess their feelings. They don't deal with emotion the same way that we do. Our brains are wired based on emotion and commitment. A guy's is mostly on logic. I said it once to a guy after 5 months, and only because I was pretty damn sure he felt the same way. I got dumped! That sucks. Too many cowards out there. So afraid of a word, yet they still want to do everything that that word entails. They'll make out, snuggle, sex, sleep together (sleeping), dating, calling one another boyfriend or girlfriend, meeting parents...even having KIDS together! Yet people get so scared of words like "love" and "commitment". Is everyone really that scared of taking a chance because they think there will be someone better out there?
allina Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Personally, I have never said "I love you" first, I never would, and I don't think women should say it first.
Trialbyfire Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 While I've never said it first, it's individual reliant which person should say it first. A year is a long time not to have heard it. Is he usually reticent about showing his emotions? Is he at all affectionate or passionate?
berrieh Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 I hate to say it, but the woman should say it first. Main reason is that society looks down on men too much as "weak" when they show emotion. I know it sounds cowardly, but based on observation and experiences, women tend to get scared off more when the guy says "I love you" first. Kind of like how guys get scared off of women who show interest rather than play hard to get. Yes it's childish and even I think it's ridiculous...but I'm not thinking of my own personal logic and more of what I've seen of society as a whole. Wow. I always thought the guy should say it first. Because society looks down on women who are needy and clingy and express their feelings to guys before the guy tells them how they feel. And it will send guys running. So, if I dated a guy who thought the way you just said you thought, we'd be playing quite the game of chicken. I've never said it first. I'd be scared to, that it'd ruin the relationship.
itgirlragdoll Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 I have been with my boyfriend for around 7 months, and around the 4 month point I started having pretty strong "loving" feelings but was too afraid to say anything. As above posters have mentioned, the dating world looks down on women who are needy and clingy. Plus, I am 21, he is 32, and I didn't want to come off as a young, stupid, faint-of-heart floozie. Know what I mean? So I waited and waited and expected him to say it and he just wasn't. He was giving every other indication that he cared for me besides those three words. Finally one night around the 5 month point we got into a little argument about something unrelated, and I somehow blurted out, "I guess I'm just insecure because I've never been in a relationship for 5 months with someone who doesn't love me." Immediately his expression and demeanor changed and he said, "Wait, wait...you don't think I love you?" I thought it was the dumbest thing I had ever heard because he never told me he loved me, why would I know he did?! He felt the same way I did and was just weary of saying it for some reason. Men can be very closed off about those emotions unless they are POSITIVE they will be reciprocated. To them the idea of saying it and not hearing it back is terrifying. So if you feel like the feeling might be mutual but he has yet to come forward, drop some hints that you are wondering about it or just outright say it. However, if you get the vibe that he wants to "hold off" on the "serious" aspect of things (have you met any of his family or friends or vice versa?), I would hold off. He may not be on the same page as you. Chances are that he is though and is just scared.
D-Lish Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 I always wait for the guy to say it first. I just feel more comfortable with that. I've been dating my guy for about 7 weeks now- not very long, but we have become very close quickly. The other night we were drifting off to sleep and he whispered really quietly "I am falling in love with you". It took me by surprise- he'd had a few drinks, so I think his feelings were amplified a little from the drink. On more than one occasion, we've been goofing around and he'll say "let's get married"... I know he's not serious, but it still makes me feel good when he says it. I wasn't ready to say it back so I just pretended I was sleeping. I think he thought I was sleeping anyway when he said it. I'm head over heels for him though. He's currently on a year visa travelling across Canada and he asked me to come with him when he he heads west in a couple months. I am seriously considering it. I don't think there is a standard waiting period for falling in love- it happens when it happens.
orangehose Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Would let the guy say it first (I'm too much of a coward). I was in a relationship once in which it had been close to a year and he hadn't said it, and it definitely contributed to my breaking up with him (he was basically "in like" with me, as it turned out).
Author wierdmunky Posted December 14, 2008 Author Posted December 14, 2008 It has been a long time lol - - - well I've never said I love you first. Every time I dated someone they would say it first, so I just thought that was the way it's supposed to go! It's frustrating because I really don't want to ruin it, but if saying I love you is going to ruin it after a year than srsly Idk where this relationship is headed, as much as I'd like to just let things "be". Have everything go "naturally" and "whatever" I met his ENTIRE family like 3 months after we were official. Scared the crap out of me, but they are pretty cool. One thing I don't like is we never see each other. We see each other like once a week if that... Idk sometimes I feel like its going wayyyyyy too slow for my taste now, but we don't have any problems, so I'm staying for now.
gd26 Posted December 14, 2008 Posted December 14, 2008 After my personal experiences, I would wait for a man to say it first. My first year of college, I had an infatuation for this man who I was friends with/dating. We weren't in a committed relationship.... just friends who flirted/dated. I told him one day that I loved him.... after which there was a silence on his end, and he just said "thanks". A few weeks afterwards, he told me that he just got a new girlfriend and proceeded to tell me explicit details of their sexual relationship. (Yuck!) I was heartbroken, but got the point... and cut off communication with him entirely. That was over 8 years ago.... Although I don't say "I love you" anymore (until after the guy says it), I may indicate feelings of love in a much subtler way. Like if I'm writing him an email, I might close it saying "Love, ___". But even I wait months before doing that as well, until the man and I am really close. After getting burned in the past, I am careful now.
johan Posted December 14, 2008 Posted December 14, 2008 The one who is least able to be strong in the face of their emotions is the one who says it first. The other one wins.
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 14, 2008 Posted December 14, 2008 The one who is least able to be strong in the face of their emotions is the one who says it first. The other one wins. That's RIGHT!
Shygirl15 Posted December 14, 2008 Posted December 14, 2008 ..it feels very awkward though when you both know you have fallen for each other and nobody says anything.
chris250 Posted December 14, 2008 Posted December 14, 2008 okay so romantic love love is oozing out of my butterflying freakn heart right now when I'm with this person. We've dated for like hmm 6 months? (we dont do the month to month celebration thing) and I don't know if I should do it already,.. or should I wait,.. or wait till I scream it out on accident. We have a lot of fun when were together and he seems really into me so I'm just wondering when and do you even try to make it something serious or let it ride ?? or how did you do it. I wait for the woman to say it first.
Author wierdmunky Posted December 24, 2008 Author Posted December 24, 2008 Well, thanks, I still don't know what to do. Maybe we just don't click like I thought As much as I want to, I can never do it when I feel like I have the chance. The moment isn't quite there... We were at D&B's (local bar/restaurant) and one of his co-workers (actually it was her going away event) had a lot to drink, and was like... "you know, R---, ... loves you...." and my bf kept interrupting her, saying "S---- , your drunk" lol Idk what that was, like a "don't tell her I will", or "your drunk and you don't know what your saying. I should've took the opportunity there!
WhenWillSheLearn Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 I've NEVER told a man I was dating that I love him...ever. So, I have no clue. But I've always imagined that, when I do, it'll be during an argument. "....because I love you, you friggin' idiot!!"
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