confused and broken Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 I have been playing the make up break up game with this guy now for over a year... I do NC very well for months at a time But it's like he can sense when I'm weak or lonely and that is when he contacts me and that is when I break NC I have even been really harsh and told him never to call me again but nothing works This time I want out... I want to do NC on a permanent basis... I want to move on with my life for good I can't even tell my friends when I hook up with him anymore because they think I am such a looser My best friend told me that if she ever sees him she will spit on him... SO I need advice as much as I can possibly get how do I move on for good? And never get weak to him again..
Tabatha Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 You sound like my Uncles ex girlfriend. (are you? ) For three and a half years, almost four now, they have been having really nasty fights, breaking up, and then a few days later they get back together and its good for maybe a week or more. Her friends always tell her to keep away but she goes back and is embarassed about it. Lies to her friends and lies to her own family because she is so ashamed that she keeps going back when she knows it's not healthy. My only advice is to change your number and ignore him. Usually people like that only get back together because you get used to the person and it's convienent. Break the Habit!!! It's all in the mind. If you know he's not good for you, keep telling yourself that each time you think about contacting him! Think about all the stress you endure breaking up and then getting back together, not knowing how long it will last this time. Just picture yourself running through a field, and you taking in a deep breath of fresh air!! It's refreshing isn't it?? You can feel just as liberated if you put your mind to it.
Author confused and broken Posted July 3, 2008 Author Posted July 3, 2008 I can definitely see how this could turn into 4 years..... It is like you say a bad habit....... I do want to feel liberated... thanks for the advice
ladyinlimbo Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 I think some people do love the drama and emotional rollercoaster of breaking up and making up. Almost like it's the thrill of the chase? I believe my ex enjoyed this strange phenomenon, though he declared otherwise. To him, each time we got back together it was a new beginning -- which to him meant he was "off the hook" with regards to having to make a commitment and settle down with me. You obviously wouldn't be talking marriage and commitment to someone you were just starting a relationship with -- so 'starting over' to him was a great excuse to not have to make any commitment - even though we had a substantial history together and it was well past time for him to stop talking and talk and start walking the walk. I think in his disturbed little mind, it was the best way to go because then we'd immediately jump back into the usual concept of a relationship (doing things as a couple, sex, sleepovers, him having a best friend) but without him having to meet any expectations. It was perfect for him, the f*ckstick that he was.
Author confused and broken Posted July 3, 2008 Author Posted July 3, 2008 I think some people do love the drama and emotional rollercoaster of breaking up and making up. Almost like it's the thrill of the chase? I believe my ex enjoyed this strange phenomenon, though he declared otherwise. To him, each time we got back together it was a new beginning -- which to him meant he was "off the hook" with regards to having to make a commitment and settle down with me. You obviously wouldn't be talking marriage and commitment to someone you were just starting a relationship with -- so 'starting over' to him was a great excuse to not have to make any commitment - even though we had a substantial history together and it was well past time for him to stop talking and talk and start walking the walk. I think in his disturbed little mind, it was the best way to go because then we'd immediately jump back into the usual concept of a relationship (doing things as a couple, sex, sleepovers, him having a best friend) but without him having to meet any expectations. It was perfect for him, the f*ckstick that he was. What you said about them feeling like they are off the hook the second you forgive them is sooo true... He begged for another chance and said he was willing to be on probation, he had changed ect ect and then the next day he was back to his old tricks... The only thing that has changed is unlucky for him or maybe even lucky for him this time I have had enough
sid3 Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 It's makes them seem pretty desperate. Sometimes people do realise what they had and are willing to put in the effort to work on the issues. Most often it is their fear of being alone, the need to be in control and their ego that dictates how they behave. I'm not sure if they ever realise just how selfish they are, probably not.
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