tkgirl Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Sorry this is so long but it's a little complicated... it all started last fall... I moved to a new state... decided to give the online dating thing a try.. within the first hour of posting my profile I got a bunch of emails and "winks"... one of which was from this guy that I thought was really cute and sounded cool from his profile. We began emailing back and forth, and the next night we talked on the phone and by the third night we are out on our first "date"... we really liked each other so after that we continued to see each other here and there for the next couple months. Things were a little rocky.. not that we didn't get along but we spent a lot of time apart, both of us traveling and opposite work schedules etc. Then out of the blue (or so it seemed to me) he ended it saying he "didn't feel that deep connection" I was very bummed because I was really starting to develope strong feelings for him and also I felt he didn't really give "us" much of a chance.. but I let him go... because I had to. So almost six months later and not a day went by that I didn't think about him.. wishing to have another chance... or just to see him. I had dated other guys but still only wanted him... it was really bothering me that I couldn't get him out of my mind.. even went to a psychic who told me that he would be coming back, wanting another chance and then added that she believed we were "soul mates"! well, that didn't help at all to get over him! Anyways.. turns out she was right! What happened was I decided to post my profile back on the dating site... partly because I was hoping to meet someone but mostly because I knew he was still on it and hoped that he might see me and go "hmm...?" well.. my plan worked... I got an email from him the next day that said "good to see you again and just so you know, I hate match and dating in general, how about you?" Thought that was pretty weird but that it maybe meant he was wanting to test the waters with me again? So we emailed back and forth and finally he asked if he could see me. We went out, had a great time.. it was like no time had passed, the friendship, the chemistry, everything was still there. He apoligized about what happened last winter saying it was a "weird time in his life and shouldn't have been dating" Said he was very sorry he hurt me and seemed very sincere. Well, the night ended with us "making out" in the back of my car for about an hour... when things got a little heavy HE was the one to stop things.. saying it was too soon after just seeing each other again after all this time. BTW we had never had sex when we dated before... got VERY close but he would stop things, saying how he respected me and wanted to take it slow. Anyways... since then we have emailed and talked on the phone a few times... and right now he is out of town (here we go again!) so we haven't seen each other since that night.. but he said we would be getting together after he gets back. So it seems like he wants to take things really slow and I'm okay with that BUT ...and here's that part that's been bugging me.. he still has his profile on the online dating site! okay, fine.. mine is on there too but only because his is. Am I wrong to be worried about this? A part of me says that we only went out once and are just seeing where this is going again. Also, I know he's been on that site for a loooong time (since after things ended with us last winter) because well.. I would "spy" on him on there... it sort of made me feel better after a while seeing he was on there and still not finding what he was looking for... that it wasn't me... so maybe it's just "habit"? But now that he seems to want to try again with us... then why is he still on there? And it's not that his profile is on there, it's that he still logs on... and I know this because I check on there a lot (ugh) to see when he's been on last... it usually says "active within 24 hours" or "active within 3 days" So what is he doing? I really wish I could let this go... stop looking on there to see when he's been on last because it only makes me feel worse but the curiousity gets the best of me! Anyways.. am I overreacting? or should I be concerned? I wish I never met him this way.... the online thing stinks! thanks for reading all of this.. any input would be really appreciated!
Jilly Bean Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 First off, paragraphs are your FRIEND. Don't be afraid to use them. Secondly, I think he was, and is, continuing to casually date many women. I suspect he dropped you last year because he wanted to focus solely on one woman, and it didn't work out. Now he is playing the field again, and you are one of many. I'm concerned that he has wrapped you up all over again, as you are obsessing BIG TIME, and I get the feeling that he considers you someone nice to date, but not anyone he cares to get serious with. Sorry for the bluntness. And (bad) psychics will say what you want to hear so you pay them more $$$...
Author tkgirl Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 "First off, paragraphs are your FRIEND. Don't be afraid to use them." So sorry! I was trying to edit it after reading it again but it wouldn't let me..? anyways, thank you for taking the time to read all of it! and I do appreciate your opinion, no matter how "blunt" it was like I said.. it's complicated and really would have taken me 10 pages to write everything about both of us... first of all, I do know he is really not the kind of guy to "date around" I do believe he is looking for someone to have a relationship with, but just has issues from his past that makes it hard for him. And I know he has real feelings for me still, or he would not have sought me out and wanted to see me again.. and it isn't for anything superficial like say.. sex.. because that never happened with us! We do have a connection... I know he feels it too... I think he just got scared last time around. He's really different that most guys... I guess you'd have to know him... My "gut" tells me that I should be a little concerned about the online dating thing but not obsess too much... HE's the one that contacted me and wanted to see me... so I just have to let him pursue me, and then decide what is okay. IF we do become a "couple" again then I will say "okay, time to take our profiles off!" Thanks again for your response though!
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