thekid55 Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 I've made some recent postings on here. I'm just looking for verification that I am handling this the right way. I started dating this one girl at college in late March. Her and I instantly clicked. We jumped into things really quickly. While we were never in an "official" relationship, we pretty much acted like a couple. (We wouldn't hook up with others, etc). We shared a bed on most nights, were intimate, etc. Her and I had this thing for almost 2 months at school. Since we are 5 hours apart for the summer, we decided to just play it cool for the summer. Before she left, she cried in my arms for at least 10 minutes because she didn't want to leave me. That showed me her feelings were real all along. She gets home for summer and was immediately bombarded by her ex. Her ex's friends would even get in her face and yell at her for having someone new (me) when her ex loved her so much... They dated for a year in high school, but she broke up with him when he told her that she wasn't worth it anymore. This was right after New Years. He had been trying to win her back with gifts, cards, even came to visit her at school. (They went to school 12 hours apart for college). Apparently, he had been calling her a lot, trying to get her to hang out with him...she told me all of this and she never hung out with him. Apparently, all of the drama at home was starting to make the relationship with me not worth it to her. Things with her had been good. We would talk everyday. This lasted until the beginning of June when problems with her ex started to dominate our conversations. He apparently tried to kiss her at some party and she denied him. She got so flustered with all of this and he even begged her to forgive him. Her away message the next day was like, "f you"..so I was wondering why she made it such a big deal since she had me convinced at school that she was over it. She has told me that she really wants to be friends with him since she is pretty much friends with all of her exes...he just doesn't seem to want that. I got tired of hearing about the problems, so I told her that they were avoidable and that she should try to limit exposure to him at parties. (They have mutual friends) She viewed this as me "trying to control her"...this led to a huge argument between her and I when she told me "you don't understand me, i just think we should be friends because if we keep going at this, it'll make it worse" Needless to say, I was surprised. But I didn't cling on to her. I gave it a few days to die down. We had planned a trip for me to come visit her prior to the fight. I called her a few days before to see if it was on. I told her that I was coming to visit my room mate who lives near her and she suggested lunch. I went and it was awkward. I tried to save the relationship and try to talk to her about it. I even told her that I would be more willing to listen to her problems rather than advise. She wasn't for it and she told me that she doesn't want what we have right now. I left the meeting with her. She ended up texting me a few days later about the Celtics. Then after not talking for a week and a half, she called me on Friday night. Just to talk. Only talked for about 10 minutes. I've been really busy, etc. She told me that she wanted to catch up and all. My question: School restarts in September..about 2 months away..How do you evaluate her behavior? She isn't stringing me along and she has told me that she is totally over her ex, but not the relationship. Her and I really didn't have a base since we only had been dating for little over a month. I know that she likes me and all...my concern is her thinking that I have given up since I don't initiate contact anymore. What do you think? Am I doing the right thing?
Gordon's Right Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 You have every right to be upset, and you had every right to suggest she "limit" her exposure to her ex. I mean DUH. You have the right to stand up for yourself, and to set limitations and boundaries for what is acceptable and not acceptable behavior. One sure way to see how wrong she is, ask yourself if the shoe were on the other foot, what would you do? Exactly.
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