I want to break up with my man who I think is going to propose to me. What do I do?

[nypr85]

I need some help. I've been dating my man for 3 1/2 yrs and my love for him is going downhill. I fell in love with another man that wants to take care of me and treat me better and he loves me so much. He understands my situation and he knows that im dating my man but he knows whats best and we comprehend eachother. Me and my man are living together and I think he is going to propose to me before the end of this year but I want to break up with him before he does. He loves me to death but i dont feel the same for him. I still have feelings for him and i would hate to break his heart but I think its whats best. How do i deal with this?

[replicator]

Do it, and be honest with him. Don't lie to him - don't let him have any hope, but don't be brutal about it. You don't need to attack his character or point out any fault in him. Do it soon as possible and don't delaly.

 

That is what I would want, if I was going to be dumped.

 

Either way - he's going to be really hurt, but better than you dumping him whe he gets down on one knee.

[ladyinlimbo]

So let me get this straight.....

 

You're living a huge lie. You're living with a man you've been together with for 3.5 yrs -- and you're using him (a place to live? someone to take care of you?) while sneaking around behind his back with a scumbag who is fine with the fact that you're already involved with someone...........and you're fearful that the man you're leading on and using is going to have his heart broken because you think he's going to propose and you're obviously not interested?

 

Be a decent human being. End the relationship with your boyfriend NOW. Stop dragging this out and leading him on. that's cowardly and sick. Have some integrity and class and move out and then carry on with guy #2.

 

Why are you screwing around with someone new when you're still living with and involved with someone else? How could you do that to someone? How could you live such a selfish lie?

[AnLandy]

My best friend went through someting similar about 8 years ago. He was involved with a woman that he felt was "the one", and he had even begun to do research on engagement rings.

 

She informed him, after 14 months of dating, that she felt she was far too young to be settling down and needed more opportunity to experience life and pursue other options. She was contemplating the break up for months before she finally said something. During that time, he was happily pursuing the dream that he had met his soul mate.

 

If you want to end the relationship, do it as soon as you can. Out of respect for your boyfriend, do it in person. Use your own judgement on how much to tell him about the other relationship. To your surprise, you may find that your boyfriend is in agreement that the relationship should end. The sooner you act, the better for you both.

[vivrantflo]

I need some help.

 

That's for damn sure..

 

 

I've been dating my man for 3 1/2 yrs and my love for him is going downhill. I fell in love with another man that wants to take care of me and treat me better and he loves me so much.

 

So in between the "my love for him is going downhill" and "I fell in love with another man" where did you try to work things out with your current boyfriend?? The one you live with??

 

How long were you cheating on your current live in boyfriend so that some other guy can fall in love with you and want to take you away from him??

 

 

 

He understands my situation and he knows that im dating my man but he knows whats best and we comprehend eachother.

 

This new guy sounds like an awesome guy. He finds no problem moving in on someone else's woman of 3.5 years. And I bet he's even smarter to think that you'd stay faithful to him, and that your love for him won't "go downhill" after the next 3.5 years when you meet a third guy after this.

 

 

 

Me and my man are living together and I think he is going to propose to me before the end of this year but I want to break up with him before he does. He loves me to death but i dont feel the same for him. I still have feelings for him and i would hate to break his heart but I think its whats best. How do i deal with this?

 

I'm so sad, just knowing that some dude's life is about to come crashing down..

 

You don't feel the same?? The grass is greener on the other side?? Fair enough.

 

Break up with your man. Immediately.. like today. You checked out of this relationship ages ago, and you didn't even have the maturity, or decency, to break up with him BEFORE you got emotionally attached to another man.

 

This guy is out probably looking at rings, while his woman is making plans to be with another man.

 

Break up with him, so he can mourn, and try to get over this situation as soon as possible.. It's bad enough that he'll have to deal with the fact that the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with and lives with, is dealing with another man, he's gonna be devistated.

 

As much as it's going to kill him, terminate the relationship. ASAP

 

Don't tell him that you love him

 

Don't tell him that you need "space" "time" or both.

 

Don't contact him after you dump him. Seems cold, but so was your cheating. He may take your contact as you wanting reconciliation, even tho that's FAR from what you want.

 

If he contacts you, don't ignore him, but keep the convos short and to the point

 

Don't offer friendship

[backto1]

Everything Viv said. Let the poor guy get on with his life.

[Chrome Barracuda]

This guy is sooooo much better off with a woman who cant make up her damn mind. she's a liar and a cheater. and she is basically a coward who runs away from something good. Nice kinda woman. I hope the other man that fell in love with you 3 years later leaves you for your co-worker.

 

Then you will know what you feel like.

 

What you did is a choice. you made the choice to fall in love with someone else. Your cheating is a choice. I dont wanna hear the excuses that you didnt sleep with him yet so it's not. Dont give me that crap. because if the shoes was on the other foot you would be going crazy.

 

Give him back his ring, dont cry, and keep it moving, dont bother him. matter of fact why dont you tell him the truth and lets see what happens.

[wareagle]

Ditto!! Women like you make all women look bad!! End it and leave the poor guy alone!! Don't go crying and begging for him to take you back when you find out the grass isn't greener on the other side!!!!!!

[claycald]

ur sick... i wanted to spend the rest of my life with my ex and knew she was the one for me. i almost killed myself a couple of times after she left. you are going to kill this man. what makes it worse u are leaving him for someone else... WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND.... this new dude is going to start screwing some slut when u are wanting to marry him. hell yall will probably get married then he will leave you a month later for some other girl....

[Dark-N-Romantic]

I need some help. I've been dating my man for 3 1/2 yrs and my love for him is going downhill.

Was this before or after you started messing with this new man. Do your current man a favor and dump him. You aren't worthy of him.

 

I fell in love with another man that wants to take care of me and treat me better and he loves me so much. He understands my situation and he knows that im dating my man but he knows whats best and we comprehend eachother.

How often do you clean your shifting pan and pick axe when your digging for gold? He understands your situation alright, he found a woman who has no dignity or self-respect, let alone respect for relationships or another's feelings. So, I take it, it does not bother you that this man is a low down, dirty pig, who could careless for the boundaries of relationships? Do you consider a good man one who chases after a woman in a relationship? How does he knows what's best? He IS MESSING AROUND WITH AN INVOLVED WOMAN! And birds of a feather flock together.

 

Me and my man are living together and I think he is going to propose to me before the end of this year but I want to break up with him before he does. He loves me to death but i dont feel the same for him. I still have feelings for him and i would hate to break his heart but I think its whats best.

Before you break his heart even more, let him go. And if he sees this "DUDE RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!! DON'T LOOK BACK!!!! YOU CAN DO WAY BETTER!!!! You don't have genuine feelings for him. I bet he will cope better once you let him go and he finds a woman more suited for him.

 

How do i deal with this?

You have one of two options...

1. Figure out what the issues are with you, yourselves, and with the relationship and find ways to repair it.

2. Woman up and do what is right. Break his heart real quick so that you two can move on.

 

If I don't sound like I have any tolerance or understanding right now, I don't. I really could careless how you feel because you have the best of both worlds (at least for the time being). What you are doing is not right and too many people get hurt and do stupid things over such incidences as this. Why do people still play these ignorant games is beyond me (at least on a reasonable level).

 

 

DNR

Feeling pieces of his humanity dying each day.

[Ally Boo]

I fell in love with another man that wants to take care of me and treat me better and he loves me so much.

 

How about you stop worrying about how these guys can take care of you, and take care of yourself?

 

Seems to me that you are more concerned about how they are going to take care of you than anything else.

[Confused9]

This post makes me want to barf.

 

To think my x was thinking the same thing as he was banging some sl*t that would sleep with him without a condom after knowing him for like a day (!!!) while I was planning our wedding.

 

Ugh.

 

Please please please break up with him and don't lie to him and make him think there is hope. Don't tell him you need space. That's it...it's finished...bye bye. That's all. Leave it be. Leave him alone and let him heal. Imagine the situation was reversed...wouldn't you want to know now?

 

oh, and if you were sleeping with both men and not being safe...you should probably let him know he should be going to the DR's to get some tests done...

[chrisanderson]

lol, this lady is getting chewed up alive. My ex fiance did the same thing to me and it is WRONG.

 

I'm a firm believer that almost any relationship can work if you put in the proper amount of effort.

 

Like anything else in life a relationship requires hard and CONSTANT work to grow and maintain. Communication is key, respect is the foundation. I want you to know one thing, if your thinking the grass is greener on the other side... drop it right now. That is a North American view that has ended many good relationships. If you leave him for this other guy and do not change the way you approach the relationship (ie let the relationship fall into disrepair) It WILL end the exact same way or worse.

 

You both need to find new ways to rejuvenate your love life. Join a few clubs together, start taking dance lessons. Go talk to a relationship counsellor, read books on rebuilding a relationship, Much like the body without exercise, it will get sick. Trust me, you can still take steps to work on it.

 

In the end, the final choice will be in your hands... is it to far gone? Is he/she worth it? Do a little soul searching, in the mean time go out on a date with him try something new. That flame CAN be rekindled.

[wareagle]

Dude she's checked out out of this relationship emotionally a long time ago!! Do HIM right for once and end it!!!!

[sally4sara]

I need some help. I've been dating my man for 3 1/2 yrs and my love for him is going downhill. I fell in love with another man that wants to take care of me and treat me better and he loves me so much. He understands my situation and he knows that im dating my man but he knows whats best and we comprehend eachother. Me and my man are living together and I think he is going to propose to me before the end of this year but I want to break up with him before he does. He loves me to death but i dont feel the same for him. I still have feelings for him and i would hate to break his heart but I think its whats best. How do i deal with this?

 

Ugh, this is sick......where is Woggle when you need him?

 

nypr85, you probably are unfamiliar with Woggle. He is a poster on here who insists 99% of women are worthless, lying, manipulative users who change their mind about their relationships without batting an eyelash for a perceived "better deal".

As a woman I want to thank you for making it just that much harder for men to look at us as equals. I hope you get to meet your equal one day.

[Woggle]

I don't feel that 99% of women are worthless. More like 65%. There is a good 35% that are good women but they usually are taken pretty quickly so it is hard to find one that is single.

 

As for this poster she just needs to tell this guy so he can get on with his life and thank god everyday that he dodged a bullet. Men who have women pull this crap on them before marriage are very lucky. She is showing her true colors while a man still has a chance to walk away unscathed. I feel sorry for the new guy though because he will be in this same position in a few years. Women like this are all about the chemical high and the emotional rush. They don't know the meaning of the word love.

[Gordon's Right]

So let me get this straight.....

 

You're living a huge lie. You're living with a man you've been together with for 3.5 yrs -- and you're using him (a place to live? someone to take care of you?) while sneaking around behind his back with a scumbag who is fine with the fact that you're already involved with someone...........and you're fearful that the man you're leading on and using is going to have his heart broken because you think he's going to propose and you're obviously not interested?

 

Be a decent human being. End the relationship with your boyfriend NOW. Stop dragging this out and leading him on. that's cowardly and sick. Have some integrity and class and move out and then carry on with guy #2.

 

Why are you screwing around with someone new when you're still living with and involved with someone else? How could you do that to someone? How could you live such a selfish lie?

 

Exactly.

 

How selfish. If karma exists, it will come for you!

[PhoenixFromTheFlames]

I second everyone else.

 

Remember, if they cheat with you, they will cheat on you! You've already made your decision, let this guy go so he can find someone better.

[Nevermind]

I don't need to get into the whole gender thing. You're a person, and as such you have been making lots of mistakes.

 

Break up with your boyfriend. Be honest about it and then lose your phone and get a new number. Never contact him again and never try to get back with him.

[Peter_pan]

pretty low and harsh on your poor soon to be ex. what goes around comes around. the new guy will leave you for some one more young and attractive. And then you will finally realise what your actions feel like

[Confused9]

I don't feel that 99% of women are worthless. More like 65%. There is a good 35% that are good women but they usually are taken pretty quickly so it is hard to find one that is single.

 

As for this poster she just needs to tell this guy so he can get on with his life and thank god everyday that he dodged a bullet. Men who have women pull this crap on them before marriage are very lucky. She is showing her true colors while a man still has a chance to walk away unscathed. I feel sorry for the new guy though because he will be in this same position in a few years. Women like this are all about the chemical high and the emotional rush. They don't know the meaning of the word love.

 

 

As a WOMAN that had a MAN do this to me...I think the same thing about men. I don't think we should genarlize as in the s*x of the cheater saying one does it more than others because if you look on this board there are just as many women this happens to (if not more) than men. So...although you probably don't want a debate regarding this...I just want to point that out. OK...off my soap box!

[JohnnyBlaze]

Confused, it's amazing that you could even get up on the soap box in the first place with so many others here already crowding it! Do I agree with NYPR's actions? Not particularly. But I'm not going to start crapping on her like most here seem to enjoy doing. I'll bet money that no one here is a saint; we've all had our screw-ups.

 

NYPR, I was in your current bf's position (ironically, for about the same time period, too!), so I know what's coming down the pipe for him. No matter what, it's going to hurt like hell. Two years from now, he will probably look back and realize that there were a bunch of signs that you weren't in love with him any more. The problem is that he's too close to the situation right now; he can't see them.

 

For all the condescension, the advice given is pretty good. If you want to give this relation one last chance, you have to tell him what's happening. He needs to see that the spark is gone and if something isn't done fast, it's over. Certainly postpone any engagement until things are back in shape.

 

If you've already checked out, then tell him so. Cut ties and let him go. And be succinct about it, but be civil. Don't give him any false hope, but there's no need to crush his heart more than it already will be. And for heaven's sake, don't hook up with the new guy 48 hours later. At least give it a week or two; it may be a lie to the current/old bf, but at least then it'll look like you just found the new guy, rather than had him waiting in the wings all this time. It may seem small compared to the rest of the hurt he'll be going through, but trust me on this; it's huge.

[wareagle]

**** that, yea I have made mistakes, but I have never cheated on someone!!!! Yea good advice Johnnyblaze, lie to him even more after you crush him by not hooking up with your new flame!! Like two weeks later, come on dude he will find out the truth anyways why make him feel the pain of finding out later that she checked out of the R a long time ago! Be ****ing honest with him!!!!! You owe him that respect!!!!!

[Confused9]

People are harsh because the OP needs to hear that what she is doing is wrong. I mean, we are all hurt so part of it is probably taking our frustrations and hurt out on her from our previous experience.

 

But, it's the same thing as a murdered saying, I murdered someone, but I did it nicely. Don't you think they would hear some not nice things. Not that I am saying cheating is the same as murdering someone -- I am just trying to make a point.

 

The OP came on here for advice and we gave it to her...but sometimes the truth hurts and she should know how much she is hurting her current b/f.

 

She doesn't seem to be thinking about his feelings...just what she wants and needs and as OP's have said...the grass isn't always greener. Maybe some responses will help her see that and help her work at her relationship?

[JohnnyBlaze]

**** that, yea I have made mistakes, but I have never cheated on someone!!!! Yea good advice Johnnyblaze, lie to him even more after you crush him by not hooking up with your new flame!! Like two weeks later, come on dude he will find out the truth anyways why make him feel the pain of finding out later that she checked out of the R a long time ago! Be ****ing honest with him!!!!! You owe him that respect!!!!!

 

Let me guess; you haven't had someone pull that stunt on you, have you? If I'm correct in that assumption, then be happy. Believe me, it sucks. I've been there, done that, got drunk and threw up on the t-shirt.

 

I've had ex's hook up with a guy a week or two later, and although I was fairly certain (i.e. 99.5%) that they had him waiting in the wings already, since I wasn't 100% positive, I could at least tell myself that maybe she met him in a bar Friday night. Being fairly certain and knowing for sure are vastly different when it comes to getting over an ex.

 

My ex-fiancée had her new guy in the house (literally) 48 hours after we broke up, and that hurt even more than the breakup itself. Instead of thinking that it just wasn't working any more, suddenly I was wondering how long she had been seeing him and how I meant so little to her that she would do such a thing. Being told that the thrill is gone means the girl doesn't love you anymore and is going shopping for a new guy. Being told there's a new guy means she hasn't loved you for a long time now, has been lying to you about it, has been shopping behind your back for some time now, probably snuck out for a few dates, and found one that she thinks is best. Both may be nails in the coffin, but it's the difference between a Brad nail and a railway spike.

 

Is not telling about a new guy less respectful? On paper, yes. In reality, I say no. Once the breakup happens, he won't be concerned about respect anyway. He'll have lost most of that (at least, self-respect), so what would complete disclosure do? It'll make her feel better and him feel worse. If she ever cared for, or had any respect at all for the guy, she'll do what she can to not make the breakup any harder than it already will be.

 

Besides, if she really is meant to be with the new guy, what harm can waiting a whole week do?

 

Confused: The shot wasn't aimed at you; I only commented it to you because you mentioned leaving your soapbox. I think you are one of the more respectful posters in this thread. It was aimed at those who are beating on the OP without saying anything constructive to help resolve the situation. As I mentioned above to WarEagle, I do know what it feels like, but to expand on your 'murdered' analogy, if I was going to go, I'd much rather get the Italian double-tap than a chainsaw any day. Am I still just as dead? Yup. But one's less painful to the innocent party, and that's what I'm trying to focus on here. All morality aside, if she does break up with him (and it sounds like she intends to), what can be done to make it as painless as possible on him?