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Is he sick, a depressed alcoholic, or does he want out?


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Posted

Hi

My I am a 26 year old woman who has been living with her 22 year old boyfriend for the past year and a half.

I am seeking some advice, or insight. I don't know what else to do.

I have always known he drinks a little much, but I would just chalk it up to his age and the "college years". I guess I was like that too, but I also graduated school in the process. Now I have a career, 2 dogs, some money but more debt, and I feel like I am progessing, however slowly, and working towards my goals. My boyfriend works consturction (originally worked at a bar), had not finished high school, does not have his license, knows that he hates his job but won't do anything to improve his situation.

Lately he has been on a few "benders" where he usually goes out with his less tasteful buddies, and gets wasted. Sometimes he won't come home until 3am, and this includes weekdays. Sometimes he won't come home at all. Like this time.

I went camping for the weekend, he couldn't come because he had to work, and he went on a bender all weekend. We got in an argument when I got home, and he took his little party elsewhere. I didn't see him until 8pm the following night (he wouldn't answer my phone calls) and he had his buddies stand at the door while he grabbed his stuff, he wouldn't even look at me. Now it's the following day, and I haven't heard anything, neither has his Mom.

I guess when I put it all in front of me like this I can really see how pathetic I must look. I'd like to think I am a smart and level headed but there are some really wonderful things about him. And I wonder if alot of his lack of ambition stems from his drinking/depression. I know he was suicidal in the past, and thats something I don't really understand.

I love the person he is when he's sober. He's just not that guy often enough I guess.

Anything anyone could tell me couldn't hurt.

Thanks

Posted

I hate reading your post because I could have written this same thing. My Bf moved out a month ago after an argument we had over a weekend long binge. I'm still in love with him and suffering terribly. The only big difference is that he is older than yours 28, at 22 some of this behavior seems more excusable. I'm not sure what advice to give because nothing worked for me. I tried being nice, tried reasoning, fighting, threatening, begging etc. nothing would get him to change any of it.

 

Most people on here are going to tell you the same thing they told me- move on. If he is an alcoholic he has to change himself. It's really hard because you love him still, you love the person he can be and it makes you hang on. I'm still hoping that mine will get some help but it's slim. So hang tough, as long as he puts the bottle first you will not be able to have the relationship you want. Right now give him a chance to miss you and at least time to figure out if he is willing to change his behavior to keep you. But hold firm, you don't want to be like me (10 year relationship) and still dealing with this, if he won't do something about it walk away.

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