orangehose Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 Well, now that I see it in front of my eyes, I don't know what to say. She has failed me in every area that is important to me. I do not want to be with her again. Of that I am 100% sure. My problem is my mind. We still live within a few miles of each other and everywhere I drive or walk, I see reminders of things we did and experiences that we shared. let me say this, we had alot of great times over the 8 years. I want to be able to look back on them with fondness. I have to stop living in the past and stop thinking of great times. It is damn hard though. Hey fox, I really relate to you here. I had some great times with my ex, even though he proved to be a real ****head at the end, and it's hard to simultaneously acknowledge the reality of the good times while at the same time recognizing that they turned out to be a bad person (or at least a person with serious issues) at the end of the day. But I think eventually, we'll be able to keep that straight in our heads while remembering the good times... I also relate to not being able to get away physically from the ex. I would love for the guy to be instantly teletransported to the opposite end of the world, but fact is he's in the same neighborhood, and I occasionally run into him (and deal with his inexplicable cold shoulder) and may also see him with new women. I think it does make it more challenging to get over someone (and I envy those with long-distance breakups), but eventually the emotions die out enough that it doesn't hurt as much. At least, here's to hoping... We'll see... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 Absolutely not. She is moving further and further away from my values everyday. Exactly. So tell me why you want to be with someone who keeps downward spiraling? If you need to internalize it, is she good enough for your love? Did she treasure and value the love you gave her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author foxh1234 Posted July 2, 2008 Author Share Posted July 2, 2008 Exactly. So tell me why you want to be with someone who keeps downward spiraling? If you need to internalize it, is she good enough for your love? Did she treasure and value the love you gave her? No, she is not good enough for my love, far from it. She took the love I gave and stomped on it every time she lied, cheated, and still stayed with me. I told her that it would have been so much easier if she just told me, I WANT OUT. I would have been hurt but no where near as much as all the lying. I do not want her back. I do dream sometimes of having the old her back but I know that is just a dream. Seeing her for who she is now is the hard part for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 No, she is not good enough for my love, far from it. She took the love I gave and stomped on it every time she lied, cheated, and still stayed with me. I told her that it would have been so much easier if she just told me, I WANT OUT. I would have been hurt but no where near as much as all the lying. I do not want her back. I do dream sometimes of having the old her back but I know that is just a dream. Seeing her for who she is now is the hard part for me. Yes, this is the double-vision many of us have experienced after cheating. The person we thought they were and the person they really are. Every time she does something that brings you back to square one, go back to that list and run through the same process. Shortcut those softer emotions by slowly seeing her for who she is until you get to the point of real acceptance that there's nothing you can do to change her and she is who she is by her own design. Basically, she's just plain not good enough for you. This is a woman who didn't appreciate what you gave her. Don't allow her to continue having control over your emotions. You have control. Link to post Share on other sites
Author foxh1234 Posted July 2, 2008 Author Share Posted July 2, 2008 Yes, this is the double-vision many of us have experienced after cheating. The person we thought they were and the person they really are. Every time she does something that brings you back to square one, go back to that list and run through the same process. Shortcut those softer emotions by slowly seeing her for who she is until you get to the point of real acceptance that there's nothing you can do to change her and she is who she is by her own design. Basically, she's just plain not good enough for you. This is a woman who didn't appreciate what you gave her. Don't allow her to continue having control over your emotions. You have control. Thanks so much for taking the time TBF. I really do appreciate it. I will reread this often and think about everything you have said. It has really opened my eyes. What an amazing place this is. I don't know where I would be in this crazy breakup thing without everyone here. Thanks again to everyone and especially TBF. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 You're welcome fox. Nip it in the bud before obsessive thoughts kick in. Good luck! Btw, your sig is perfect! Link to post Share on other sites
Ssheena Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 You have to move on because: 1) it's over 2) she is a liar and a cheater and you don't, nobody does, deserve that. 3) relationships are supposed to be 50/50 or 60/40 and yours was not (not is, it no longer is, it is past tense was). and all the reasons others have written on here. You have your answers. When you feel weak come back and read what you have written and what others have written to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author foxh1234 Posted July 3, 2008 Author Share Posted July 3, 2008 You have to move on because: 1) it's over 2) she is a liar and a cheater and you don't, nobody does, deserve that. 3) relationships are supposed to be 50/50 or 60/40 and yours was not (not is, it no longer is, it is past tense was). and all the reasons others have written on here. You have your answers. When you feel weak come back and read what you have written and what others have written to you. Thanks, you are right. Link to post Share on other sites
loomis Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 You need change!!!!!!!! Change your room, get new friends, get new clothes, go to the gym, pick up the guitar, I donno. All I do know is that you need to go out there and stop dwelling on your sorry ass. She's a bitch dude. Be who you want to be now. Being single is a good thing. I know it's a hard adjustment, but look at all the positive things that are out there with it. Be happy Link to post Share on other sites
Author foxh1234 Posted July 3, 2008 Author Share Posted July 3, 2008 You need change!!!!!!!! Change your room, get new friends, get new clothes, go to the gym, pick up the guitar, I donno. All I do know is that you need to go out there and stop dwelling on your sorry ass. She's a bitch dude. Be who you want to be now. Being single is a good thing. I know it's a hard adjustment, but look at all the positive things that are out there with it. Be happy Thanks Loomis, you are right. I feel better today after TBF's eye opener last night. I really feel like a light switch went off in my head when I thought of how she treated me. I have made a huge step and I feel 100% better about things. Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 Thanks Loomis, you are right. I feel better today after TBF's eye opener last night. I really feel like a light switch went off in my head when I thought of how she treated me. I have made a huge step and I feel 100% better about things. Is that light switch change 'sticking' for you? TBF has been helping me too, and it makes a difference, yes... the heartstrings still miss him, though, in my case... Link to post Share on other sites
Author foxh1234 Posted July 3, 2008 Author Share Posted July 3, 2008 Is that light switch change 'sticking' for you? TBF has been helping me too, and it makes a difference, yes... the heartstrings still miss him, though, in my case... Hi Sun, I have read and re-read what I wrote in this thread last night and it has helped me alot to see her for who and what she really was. This person is no longer the beautiful girl I fell in love with 8 years ago. The new person is someone I don't know and really have no desire to know. It is almost like the old person is dead to me now. I really feel like I can close this thing and start to live normally again. I am not saying I am over everything but it has helped alot to put things in perspective. She does not deserve my love, time, or thoughts. She made her bed and now she has to lie in it, with who ever she wants. It won't be me again. Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 Wow, congratulations! That's really awesome progress in such a short time. I can't yet say I've overcome the "betrayed's double vision" or whatever TBF called it - I'm still struggling with who he is vs. who I wanted him to be or saw glimpses of, or loved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author foxh1234 Posted July 4, 2008 Author Share Posted July 4, 2008 Wow, congratulations! That's really awesome progress in such a short time. I can't yet say I've overcome the "betrayed's double vision" or whatever TBF called it - I'm still struggling with who he is vs. who I wanted him to be or saw glimpses of, or loved. I am not over things yet for sure but everything TBF said last night and made me realize are exactly the right things we should all be thinking about. In my case, she is not even close to being the person that I want to be with now. She has done so many bad things to me. TBF made me see her for who she is now and that person is not the person I fell in love with. The double vision thing will take time for us to see for sure, but I now can see clearly why she is no good for me. I finally knocked her off that damn pedestal for good thanks to TBF. I would like to see everyone on here answer the same questions I did last night. It was an eye opener . Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 Excellent progress! You're going to keep moving forward! There's a moment in time when you're sick of the negativity of living in that place of hurt and pain. Forget that noise and keep progressing. To sit in that dark place forever is sucking the life out of you for no good reason beyond who she isn't, y'know? Stay strong fox. Keep the momentum going! Link to post Share on other sites
Author foxh1234 Posted July 4, 2008 Author Share Posted July 4, 2008 Excellent progress! You're going to keep moving forward! There's a moment in time when you're sick of the negativity of living in that place of hurt and pain. Forget that noise and keep progressing. To sit in that dark place forever is sucking the life out of you for no good reason beyond who she isn't, y'know? Stay strong fox. Keep the momentum going! Thanks again TBF for last night and for continuing to support me. It helps more than you can know. I do feel alot better today. Link to post Share on other sites
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