shadowplay Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 I feel like giving up on making friends. One thing I notice consistently is that when I try to engage people in conversation, I end up doing all the talking (which isn't much at all) because most of the time they don't say anything. They just respond to my questions or statements. Why is that? Today I went out for lunch wth this girl from my job. I felt like I was doing all the work in the conversation. I showed interest in what she was saying and asked her questions, but she didn't reciprocate. I always feel like people are uninterested in me or I'm forcing a conversation, a friendship. Why does no one ever approach me as they do other people? This is the kind of thing that makes me not want to try. Why do I always have to force something? It shouldn't be this hard.
PandaStillLovesBunny Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 I look at friendship this way: if you have to force it, it's not worth it. Why should I try to make friends? I should be myself, and if other people find that worthy of knowing, then we'll be friends. What I guess I'm trying to say is that friends are not necessary. Friendship is a response to the values and characteristics of other people, it is not an end unto itself. One should never go out and say "I want to have a friend," one should say "I want to be friends with that that guy or that girl."
Star Gazer Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 You know, this situation would bother me in high school or my early college years, but not now as an adult. Back then it seemed more important to have MANY friends as opposed to QUALITY friends. I don't think you should force a friendship anymore than you should force a romantic relationship. Some people aren't meant to be friends anymore than most people aren't meant to be in a relationship with each other.
2sunny Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 is it possible you are not approaching the conversation in a manner that encourages a back and forth rhythm... try using "open ended" questions or comments that lead to more interest and discussion. for example: tell me where you like to go on vacation... then after the answer you can ask more open ended questions/comments that keep the flow going based on what they said... keep in mind that you need to be a good listener and work off of the information they are giving you along the way. BE TRULY INTERESTED! the dialog will come naturally when you find that you are actually ENGAGING in the exchange. and yes, it is an exchange.
Author shadowplay Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 You know, this situation would bother me in high school or my early college years, but not now as an adult. Back then it seemed more important to have MANY friends as opposed to QUALITY friends. I don't think you should force a friendship anymore than you should force a romantic relationship. Some people aren't meant to be friends anymore than most people aren't meant to be in a relationship with each other. Problem is if I didn't force those connections, I'd be totally alone. I don't feel natural around anyone I don't know really well.
Nevermind Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 What kind of questions did you ask? Did you force your interest?
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