loveinlife Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 dont really see a future with her bc we are not in a exclusive relationship together. We have been talking and seeing each other and doing etc for about 3 months. She says she isn't ready bc she got out of a long term relationship that lasted 7 years. points that i don't like: -she still uses the same cell phone under her exbfs plans. -she is going on a camping trip with all guys. -she parties a lot and who knows what she is doing... what do you guys/girls think? leave her? im kinda stressed out about this and don't want to be there if i am not getting full attention and love from someone. just need a place to vent. thanks =)
Lauriebell82 Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 Okay she isn't ready to be in a relationship. If that's something you want then you have 2 choices: A) leave the relationship because you want different things B) hang in there hoping that she gets over her ex and wants to be exclusive Just out of curiosity, how long ago did she break up with her ex? 7 years is LONG time to be with someone, so if it was a fairly recent breakup I wouldn't be surprised that she isn't over it. On to your other points: 1. she uses the cell phone under her ex bf's plan: Do you know why she does this? Does she help pay for it, or is it more that she is mooching off him because she can't pay for her own? 2. She goes camping with guys: alright I could see how that would make you uncomfortable. Are these guy friends of her's? Have you talked to her about your feelings? (without sounding like a jealous, controlling, A-hole) 3. She parties a lot: As in going out drinking and trying to hook up with guys? Do you ever go party with her? To me it sounds like this girl is not over her ex. She is just up for having some fun right now, not interested in a committed relationship. The things you mentioned are what girls who want to be single do. If you aren't willing to wait for this girl to want to be exclusive with you, you should probably move on or else you will build up resentment.
Shygirl15 Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 This is a huge red flag, one of those situations you need to RUN (as fast as you can) away from! Okay so let's see: First, she's not over her ex (so even if she was not a party animal, this is enough reason to not be with her). You don't want to be a rebound. 2nd, she's a social butterfly, parties a lot, with guys (even if she was over her ex, you don't want to end up with this type of woman, do you? I gather partying is really not your thing, she will wear you out) Seriously, don't give yourself headache by trying to analyze the why's and how's. Find yourself a better woman who will give you the kind of attention you need.
dreamergrl Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 I look at it this way - she's been honest with you about how she feels and what she wants, and because she doesn't want a serious relationship right now, those points that you don't like about her, well... those will just have to be points that you don't like. As of right now, it's not your place to try and fix those areas. She's doing what she feels she needs to do, and you can either be supportive of that, or move on.
stillafool Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 dont really see a future with her bc we are not in a exclusive relationship together. We have been talking and seeing each other and doing etc for about 3 months. She says she isn't ready bc she got out of a long term relationship that lasted 7 years. points that i don't like: -she still uses the same cell phone under her exbfs plans. -she is going on a camping trip with all guys. -she parties a lot and who knows what she is doing... what do you guys/girls think? leave her? im kinda stressed out about this and don't want to be there if i am not getting full attention and love from someone. just need a place to vent. thanks =) At least she was honest and not playing you along. I can't blame her for not wanting to be exclusive yet after getting out of a 7 year relationship. Chances are she is not over her ex yet and she is right to heal herself before getting seriously involved with another man. She may be using her ex's cellphone plan because it saves her money. After a 7 year relationship I can see her wanting to let loose and party for a while and do some exciting stuff like go on a camping trip. She must feel comfortable with these guys she is going with. I think you are right to stop seeing her if your feelings and emotions are getting ahead of hers, but she is not a bad person for feeling the way she does.
A.G.Doren Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 She's been honest and straightforwad with you and doesn't want a relationship right now. Move on and If you really like her maybe you should check in with her in a year if you're still single, cause I doubt she'll be ready before then.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 dont really see a future with her bc we are not in a exclusive relationship together. We have been talking and seeing each other and doing etc for about 3 months. She says she isn't ready bc she got out of a long term relationship that lasted 7 years. points that i don't like: -she still uses the same cell phone under her exbfs plans. -she is going on a camping trip with all guys. -she parties a lot and who knows what she is doing... what do you guys/girls think? leave her? im kinda stressed out about this and don't want to be there if i am not getting full attention and love from someone. just need a place to vent. thanks =) 1. She is not looking for anything serious and you are...I don't believe in letting myself be played, especially if I am doing it to myself. If she REALLY wants you, she'll go after you. So, go, let her have her space and let her find her own way. BUT DON'T WAIT FOR HER! Find a woman looking for what you are. 2. You have two different ideas for what you want from your relationship. There is no amount of waiting and/or begging, etc. that will get her to change her mind or get in sync with you. Time to move on and move to more productive relations. 3. You don't trust her. While, yeah, I probably wouldn't want my woman to go on a camping trip with all guys and would be suspicious as to why she is still using a cellphone under her ex's plan. Now the partying that is an iffy...Especially if she was a partier when you met, I would not expect my woman to totally stop just because I am not into it. But, now if I met her and we hooked up after she was drunk and throwing herself all on me and this is how she normally acts, then yes, I would be concerned. But, yeah, though I am one for telling people to stick it out...This isn't good right now for you and it may be wiser for you to leave see what is out there. Who knows, maybe she will comeback to you and ready for the relationship you want. DNR
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