tc2008 Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 hi guys, here's my deal. fell in love with a girl a year ago, she fell hard too. we were totally sure we were both "the one" so we moved quickly, i have 2 boys and she has a son. we moved in march 2008 and blended. i could feel her pulling away, felt like she wasn't happy, was changing her mind about the whole deal. then to make matters even more complicated, she gets pregnant. although thats what she wanted more than anything in the whole world, the time was wrong and she felt she had changed her mind about me so we split up and she terminated the pregnancy. heavy ****. anyhow, 6 weeks after the abortion, i want my girl back. she still loves me, realized she missed me terribly. so we start talking and then we start dating again. 4 weeks later, she tells me she loves me but she is confused, she hasn't dealt with the guilt of the abortion, hasn't found a new place yet (still living with her sister) and she doesn't feel like she loves herself right now. so, she thinks it's best that we both take 2 months off, no talking or seeing each other to re-group and hopefully try again in the fall. so i'm mulling it over, thinking, i love this girl, if i love her i should wait. then i find that she has been emailing with the man she was with right before me on facebook, nothing too damning but lengthy emails and no mention at all of what she's been thru in the last year, no mention of me or that she was seeing me or anybody, and he asks her for coffee and she agrees to go. i ask her about him and she admits to emailing with him but denies that she agreed to go out with him. she apologizes for the lie, says she is honestly not interested in him at all and had no intention of actually meeting him, i sorta believe her. she still says she loves me, sees a future for us, but shes scared that we'll get back together and she'll become unhappy and flake out again. i feel like she's the one for me and it's hard for me but i'm also feeling like i've waited long enough and need to move on because the stress is starting to effect my mental health and my work performance. i want a commitment. i feel i deserve that, but i may also be pressuring her too much, but i can't just date her, i'm too in love, it's hard to go back. opinions please?
saraispiel19 Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 well.. she is very fickle. That is not a great quality. If space is what she needs then I suggest you give it to her. In my opinion: give her space, get a hobby, focus on work and your children, enjoy life as it is. A relationship shouldn't make you or break you it should help you become a better person- and in this situation it's patience that you need to work on. Goodluck to ya and keep us posted!
Lauriebell82 Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 I agree with Sara that she sounds very fickle. A few questions for you: Did she even tell you she was getting an abortion? Did she consult you on your opinion even? How do you feel that she aborted your child? You need to really think about whether or not this is a healthy relationship that you should be in. She doesn't sound like she is in the right state of mind to commit to you right now. You can either wait around for her to feel better about the situation, or you can start to see other people. I would opt for the ladder, mainly because it sounds like you are wasting your time with her.
Author tc2008 Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 to answer your questions; a) yes she consulted me, i wanted the child but if we weren't going to be together it seemed like the right decision so i supported her, but she wouldn't let me be with her when she did it, she didn't even talk to me for 3 days afterwards when i was calling to see how she was doing. b) no, it's not a healthy relationship. i feel i can do better. if it's this hard at this point then i think you are right, i am wasting my time. cheers, tc
Lauriebell82 Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 to answer your questions; a) yes she consulted me, i wanted the child but if we weren't going to be together it seemed like the right decision so i supported her, but she wouldn't let me be with her when she did it, she didn't even talk to me for 3 days afterwards when i was calling to see how she was doing. b) no, it's not a healthy relationship. i feel i can do better. if it's this hard at this point then i think you are right, i am wasting my time. cheers, tc Wow that sounds like a really terrible situation to be in. It's good that you acknowledge that this is not healthy behavior. It will be very hard to let her go, but you need to do what is best for yourself. Good luck!!!
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