I'm at my wits end.

[grey goose]

First off thanks for giving some of your time to read and write back anything you might say in response to this thread. Anyways my wife and I have been separated since February of this year and I've been through most of the pain/guilt/self-pity and the rest of that mess that comes along with it already. I've gone down the path of doing all the things we humans naturally think will work and get our wife back or husband if your a female. The constant I love you's, the saying I will change speech no matter if you mean it or not, although I did mean it, just what ever desperation takes you, I was there doing all the wrong things that we do instinctively trying to get my wife back. So a couple of months roll by and there is very limited talk between the two of us, and I think I'm over her and ready for the divorce. I have even been dating and putting my self out there and getting catches. These girls are so great too, there nice, pretty and kind to me unlike what my wife has become to me. So anyways I spent the weekend with this new girl who I thought I was going to start a new relationship with. Turns out I'm not, cause i'm not over my wife or ex wife so I end it with her because i'm still hung up on my wife. So I start doing some research and reading, reading, reading and more reading of different forums and what you should do and not do to win back my wife. I stumble upon this site and start reading some of the threads and some sound very similar to my situation. But anyways I come across a thread with a book titled "Stop your Divorce" by Homer Mcdonald and there was some amazing feedback on it so I decided to download it and read it as soon as I got it. I couldn't put it down, it was genius and....well just genius. So I start doing the "tactics" in the book and the tide is changing, slowly but none the less changing. Now I've been following what the book has to say to the very T and not reverting back into the desperate, lonely, no confident person I was when she decided that she wanted a divorce and last talked to me. Honestly I wouldn't want someone like that either. Who wants to be around a person like that, and on top of that love them. So reading the book I found some of myself again that attracted her to me. So anyways I have been applying the things I've learned to my situation and been getting good feedback, well much better before I started using the book. We got back to emailing one another and talking to each other for more than a few minutes on instant messenger, plus there were no attacks on each others pride as well, like before. So a week goes by and were doing great with communication again, and her father gets a stroke, and she writes an email telling me to call her asap about it. So I do and I'm very sincere with everything I say to her at this moment. So I get done talking to her and I don't talk to her for a couple of days due to the airplane ride she had to take to go see her dad. So she finally lands, and I give her a ring so see if she made it alright and ask her how she was doing and how her father was doing. Now shes snappy at me for no reason what so ever and she puts out that i'm her ex wife and were nothing. I let that go, given the fact she has been on a plane for 24 hours and her dad is in critical condition. So I just end the conversation politely and wait til the next day. So I call her to see how shes doing and if anything new with her father has come up. On top of that I sent her some cash cause she said that the money I was sending her was going to her family cause no one is working apparatnly. So I tell my wife "let me know if there is anything else I can do to get or give you guys that would help, and that everytime I get paid I will send you alittle bit of cash to help out so you don't have to use up all of your money." Shes says "Okay and thank you very much." So we talk for a few more days and then all of a sudden she changes back to the person who just hates me. So I talk to a friend and she told me to wait a day before I called her again. So now its the day when I will give her a call to check up on things. Alright so I call her and her mom picks up and tells me she won't be back for an hour so I say thats fine. Before I hang up her mom is thanking me for sending the money and being concerned about my wifes dad, and I say to her its no problem at all. Now her mom and I got to a point where she hated me due to the past, so it was a surprise to hear her say those nice things. So anyways I hang up and wait for about an hour and ahalf and look on my cell i got a missed call from the area code she is at, So I call her to find out if anything new has changed with her father and to see how she was doing.

So the connection on the phone was bad and she kept having to repeat herself and that irritated her and put some tension on that conversation. So my dumbass decides to ask her how the papers of our divorce was coming along. BAD MOVE for me especially if my goal is to get her back. I don't know what compelled me to say it but I did and I can't take it back now. Now she is fired up even more and saying i can't believe you would talk about us knowing my dad is in crit. condition, you are such an blah blah blah. She says don't worry I'll have your papers sent to the court tommorow and i'll send back the money you sent my family, this and that. I tried to appologize and agree with her that i was being selfish, and she says just save it. Don't call me ever again, i'm not going to pick up. Don't ever contact me again. So I say one more sorry and one more I hope your dad gets better and to take care of yourself, she replies with f*** you and hangs up. So now I'm back at square one with her. I am at a loss with all of this. Is she just stringing me along cause she knows I want her or is she trying to see if I really have changed. there is another guy in the circle but I'm not sure about how that is going along. What to do.. should i just walk and leave this all behind me. I know I can, cause i've gone through all of the emotions all ready. Should I jsut hang in there, does it seem like she wants me or is just stringing me along.

 

~greygoose

[carhill]

I'll keep my advice simple...

 

Stop engaging her. In order to get her back (if that is possible), you have to first let her go.

 

I think you've made enough apologies.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Now she is fired up even more and saying i can't believe you would talk about us knowing my dad is in crit. condition, you are such an blah blah blah. She says don't worry I'll have your papers sent to the court tommorow and i'll send back the money you sent my family, this and that. I tried to appologize and agree with her that i was being selfish, and she says just save it. Don't call me ever again, i'm not going to pick up. Don't ever contact me again. So I say one more sorry and one more I hope your dad gets better and to take care of yourself, she replies with f*** you and hangs up. So now I'm back at square one with her. I am at a loss with all of this. Is she just stringing me along cause she knows I want her or is she trying to see if I really have changed. there is another guy in the circle but I'm not sure about how that is going along. What to do.. should i just walk and leave this all behind me. I know I can, cause i've gone through all of the emotions all ready. Should I jsut hang in there, does it seem like she wants me or is just stringing me along.

 

~greygoose

 

Ughh... your lucky to be getting rid of her! What a B****. The faster you realize she is a worthless shrew the happier your going to be.

 

If you call her again... you may as well change your ID to grey doormat. Plus we will be forced to take away your Man Card... until you earn it back.

[dead-dyke]

 

If you call her again... you may as well change your ID to grey doormat. Plus we will be forced to take away your Man Card... until you earn it back.

 

 

I know your not looking for a laugh, but that's funny. Anyhow, I agree w/ carhill. It almost sounds smothering, even though your genuinely concerned. I would lay off. Let her calm down, and if possible, leave a message when you know she's not at home inquiring about her dad. I would also make paragraphs. It was hard to read is all.

[sumdude]

Try not to think about winning her back... think about winning yourself back and let the chips fall as they may.

 

Being concerned for her and her family at this time is the right and honorable way to be.. yet.. I assume she made the 'choice' to separate? That means she has to deal with life and it's troubles without you because that is what she wanted.

[grey goose]

thank you very much for your input all of you. It is noted and I will do what has been advised, clearly I'm not seeing well enough to do it on my own. So thank you again for your advice people.