AnLandy Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 My fiance and I ended the relationship 48 hours ago, but I have not been wearing the engagement ring for the past two weeks. It's currently sitting in my safety deposit box. He told me to keep it, that he doesn't want it back. Legally, it belongs to him, and I don't think that he's the kind of guy who would turn around and take legal action if he changes his mind. Should I give it back anyway? Frankly, I'm not all that interested in seeing him for a while, and I hate the idea of just dropping it off at his place. Should I keep it and decide what to do with it later? It is safe where it is. Should I sell it? Honestly, I could use the money right now, but do I have the right to sell it? Any ideas or suggestions would be appreciated.
kizik Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 Should I keep it and decide what to do with it later? Yes. You will regret anything else, at least for now. You need time to make the right decision. It's too fresh and new to decide.
carhill Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 Generally, traditionally, if the lady breaks the engagement, she returns the ring to the gentleman. If the reverse, she keeps the ring to do with what she wishes. So, how well does that date me? I would suggest waiting until the emotions of the moment have subsided to make such a decision. I would only have a clear mandate to return the ring if it were a family piece or gem; I would do this out of respect for his family. My sympathies during this time. I know it must be difficult....
stlnsmile Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 My fiance and I ended the relationship 48 hours ago, but I have not been wearing the engagement ring for the past two weeks. It's currently sitting in my safety deposit box. He told me to keep it, that he doesn't want it back. Legally, it belongs to him, and I don't think that he's the kind of guy who would turn around and take legal action if he changes his mind. Should I give it back anyway? Frankly, I'm not all that interested in seeing him for a while, and I hate the idea of just dropping it off at his place. Should I keep it and decide what to do with it later? It is safe where it is. Should I sell it? Honestly, I could use the money right now, but do I have the right to sell it? Any ideas or suggestions would be appreciated. Well from what I remember AnLandy, you broke it off with him because he was boring you to tears, so I would think, since you broke it off, the appropriate thing to do would be to return the ring. Do not sell it, that would just be crass. You could give it to a mutual friend to return, or send it by insured mail, or take it to him personally. You probably owe him that much. I hope you broke it off in person.
Art_Critic Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 Should I give it back anyway? Simple answer.. Yes...
Author AnLandy Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 Well from what I remember AnLandy, you broke it off with him because he was boring you to tears, so I would think, since you broke it off, the appropriate thing to do would be to return the ring. Do not sell it, that would just be crass. You could give it to a mutual friend to return, or send it by insured mail, or take it to him personally. You probably owe him that much. I hope you broke it off in person. Actually, we broke it off by mutual decision. He wanted my absolute assurance that we would be happy and compatible as a married couple. I couldn't offer him that because I can't predict the future. We talked for hours, we both cried all over each other, we parted on really good terms, and we both felt that it was the right decision. We even went to Starbuck's afterwards and had coffee because we were both getting a bad case of cabin feaver and just needed to get out of the house. I tried to give him the ring, and he would not accept it. He kept insisting that he had no interest in having it back. I considered leaving it at his place today when I went to pick up my things, but he had a prior bad experience of coming home to find a ring on his dining room table. I just didn't think it was the right thing to dump it at his place so he would have to come home to that. I don't want it either. It can't be returned because it was engraved. He doesn't want it back. What options are left?
carhill Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 Engraving can be removed. The gem (I'm assuming a diamond here) can be remounted and it's the diamond which carries the bulk of the monetary value. When not part of a promise of marriage, it just becomes another piece of jewelry. He can sell it on eBay if he wants. I've bought and sold many such items there. From your description and comments by other posters about your backstory, I'd give him the ring back. Find a neutral party to take it to him. Karma will smile on you
Ariadne Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 Any ideas or suggestions would be appreciated. Give it back.
Nevermind Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 Wait a while, while his hurt is too big to make any decision. Then, after a month or so, give it back. In person.
Trialbyfire Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 If he doesn't want it back, get it in writing, at minimum email.
Ally Boo Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 If he gave you the engagement ring as a symbol for your future marriage, isn't it a gift? When I divorced, my ex kept my rings and I was advised by my lawyer to sue him for the value. I should ask my best friend, she's a divorce attny.
stlnsmile Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 Actually, we broke it off by mutual decision. He wanted my absolute assurance that we would be happy and compatible as a married couple. I couldn't offer him that because I can't predict the future. We talked for hours, we both cried all over each other, we parted on really good terms, and we both felt that it was the right decision. We even went to Starbuck's afterwards and had coffee because we were both getting a bad case of cabin feaver and just needed to get out of the house. I tried to give him the ring, and he would not accept it. He kept insisting that he had no interest in having it back. I considered leaving it at his place today when I went to pick up my things, but he had a prior bad experience of coming home to find a ring on his dining room table. I just didn't think it was the right thing to dump it at his place so he would have to come home to that. I don't want it either. It can't be returned because it was engraved. He doesn't want it back. What options are left? Well thats good AnLandy, you were respectable and honorable and thats what I hoped. Just keep it. He may not want it now, he may want it later. Put it away where you don't have to look at it. If after a year he doesn't retrieve it, then I would assume you could sell it then.
curiousnycgirl Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 If he gave you the engagement ring as a symbol for your future marriage, isn't it a gift? When I divorced, my ex kept my rings and I was advised by my lawyer to sue him for the value. I should ask my best friend, she's a divorce attny. No engagement rings are given as part of a contract - the other half of the contract being that the marriage takes place. If the engagement is broken off - the law in most states says that the ring is to be returned. In your case you went through with the marriage - so you fulfilled your end of the contract.
stlnsmile Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 Well this is a great topic actually and I just want to ask, does this go for promis rings as well. Mine was a white gold ring with small diamons in it. I returned it upon breakup. He did not return his. His was very expensive for me $350...hate to talk money, but for a teen, thats a lot of money.....I mean how crass was it that he didn't return it. I mean doesn't everyone know you return engagement rings....Promis rings??? And it was engraved, so why would he want it??????????????????? It said inside "Always and Forever J******" I think its a narcissistic talisman for him:) And AnLany, Im seriously not trying to be hard, I am proud of the way you handled things:) Just be honorable, keep the ring, its the right thing to do for now.
sedgwick Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 Two words: gold tooth. Awwwwww yeah. But seriously, he gave it to you. It's yours. You need the money? Sell it. I'm going to be the voice that votes for that option. If he wanted it back, he had his chance to ask. In the immortal words of Missy Elliott, pop that, pop that, make that money, just keep it goin' like the Energizer bunny.
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