AnLandy Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 A friend of mine recently witnessed a crime in our apartment complex. She walked into the laundry room, and caught a man and a woman breaking into the coin box on one of the dryers. They emptied it and ran out. When she told me about it, I asked if she had called the police or informed the manager. She said that she didn't want to get involved. The next day, another dryer was broken into. I called the police to report both of the thefts. A police officer came to the complex and took prints. He filled out a report, and stopped by my friend's apartment to take her statement. After the officer left, my friend came to my apartment and went off on me. She accused me of not respecting her wishes, not validating her feelings, and being dismissive of her choices. I have never seen her that angry or that aggressive. I closed the door on her because she was, frankly, scaring me a little. The rage that came out of her was completely out of character. Two days later, she e-mailed me to remind me to walk her dog while she was out of town. I e-mailed her back to reasure her that the dog had been taken care of. Since then, we have not spoken or seen each other. No more e-mails either. This was seven days ago. We have been fairly close for over a year. Frankly, there are not that many people in the complex that I actually like, and I miss having her around, especially since I have recently gone through an unpleasant break-up. I have no idea what her outburs was about. Should I make an effort to talk to her?
Mary3 Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 Clearly she was afraid for her own safety , mainly retaliation for reporting a crime. You did the right thing though in eventually reporting it. She also could have reported it anon. with Crime Stoppers Hotline. She is mostly reacting out of fear than anything. She will likely calm down and forgive you. Tell her you understand she was afraid and did not want to get involved.
Author AnLandy Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 My friend and I actually had a brief conversation yesterday. I was at the complex to retrieve some personal items from the apartment. (The apartment is actually me ex-fiance's residence. I was there three days out of the week for the past year.) She was walking to the mailboxes when she spotted me loading my bags into the car, and she stopped to ask if I was going out of town. I told her about the break up, and she was pretty upset. We did talk about my call to the police in a roundabout way. It turns out that they did catch someone in the act of breaking into another dryer late Sunday. Aparently, this had been going for weeks at surrounding complexes in the neighborhood. So far, no one is sure if the man they caught is responsible for all of the break-ins. Once the manager of the complex found out what was going on, he announced that the company would be installing card-opperated washers and dryers in a few months. Neither of us exactly appologized for what happened. We talked for maybe 15 minutes total in the parking lot, mostly about my break-up. She hugged me when I left. This morning, she sent me a brief e-mail asking how I am doing. I responded with an equally brief e-mail to let her know that I am feeling confident about our decision to end the engagement. Now that I am back at my house full-time, we are 65 miles apart, so I don't know how frequently we will be able to see each other, but I think that we have made peace. When and how should I directly bring up the incident with reporting the break-in? Should I even initiate this conversation? I just feel that this needs to be addressed to clear the air between us.
Art_Critic Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 Time can also clear the air.... Maybe she has a reason for not wanting to get involved and then finding herself involved.. Maybe she was a victim once before and she fears being a victim again.. Maybe she has warrants on her or has a past with being in jail. Maybe she has a family member that has been arrested for something similar.. Either way.. just let it go..or if you wanted to push the issue then just say something in an email to her about how you feel sorry for upsetting her and you hope that you didn't cause her any ill feelings that would get between you both.. chances are she would respond favorably and the past would be the past...
Fun2BMe Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 I wouldn't take all the blame. Tell her you were ethicallly bound to report the crime and everything that had to do with it that you were aware of, and that her reaction was out of line though you will forgive her and hope she forgives you too.
Author AnLandy Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 My friend e-mailed again this afternoon. The police contacted her to come in for a line-up to confirm that the man they arrested is the man she saw in the laundry room. She was really upset by that request and stated that in no uncertain terms would she be willing to do that. I e-mailed her back, telling her that going in for the line-up was totally a personal decision, and I would support her choice. She responded that she was surprised I would take that attitude. The tone of both e-mails was pretty cold, but at least we're communicating.
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