foxh1234 Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Hi, I just found out through a semi-friend that my ex slept with a second guy while we were together. I am f**king furious now like I have never been before. I was getting over her and accepting that she has moved in with the guy she was cheating on me with. Now I find out about another f**king guy!!! I want to email her and tell her what a slut I think she is and how f**ked up she is. I also want to tell her that she is dead to me now and I never want to see her face again. I have alot of anger to get out but is it bad to send it to her ? Will this help me or set me back ? Advice please.
justine4 Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Hi, I just found out through a semi-friend that my ex slept with a second guy while we were together. I am f**king furious now like I have never been before. I was getting over her and accepting that she has moved in with the guy she was cheating on me with. Now I find out about another f**king guy!!! I want to email her and tell her what a slut I think she is and how f**ked up she is. I also want to tell her that she is dead to me now and I never want to see her face again. I have alot of anger to get out but is it bad to send it to her ? Will this help me or set me back ? Advice please. I'd say most responses to this would be to keep your dignity and maintain NC. However, you've nothing to lose. You don't want to take her back (I don't think thats on the cards anyhow is it?) therefore, getting all of this off your chest may be very cathartic and close the final chapter of this relationship. No point in letting the anger manifest and then further down the line you regret not having said anything. One things for sure though, you won't have to go through all this again with her. Keep us advised as to what you decide to do...
iwish Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 I would say sit on the knowledge for a little while. Calm yourself down first. You're in a state of shock and anger is the first response. Give it a couple of days and then if you still feel the urge to send a nasty email. Then by all means do. I mean what do you care about her now? You don't want her back do you? If you send it i think that you might want a response, an apology or something but what if she doesn't give you one and just ignores it? How would you feel then? Do what's best for you but IMO you need to have a cool head before you make the decision. You might regret it when you've calmed down.
northstar1 Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Hi, I just found out through a semi-friend that my ex slept with a second guy while we were together. I am f**king furious now like I have never been before. I was getting over her and accepting that she has moved in with the guy she was cheating on me with. Now I find out about another f**king guy!!! I want to email her and tell her what a slut I think she is and how f**ked up she is. I also want to tell her that she is dead to me now and I never want to see her face again. I have alot of anger to get out but is it bad to send it to her ? Will this help me or set me back ? Advice please. Fox - you've been a pillar of strength on these boards. Here is what I say you do - get up and go for a long run, or go hit weights, or whatever you like to do for exercise. Get those endorphins flowing. I know you are mad and have every right to be - but this really just validates that you are far better off without her. Sending her a note will accomplish what? She may feel bad, maybe not - she sounds selfish and callous. She may not care. I think it may set you back if you send it now. You'll just focus on waiting to her back from her. Sit on it for a few days, if you still can't get it off your mind, maybe consider it then. Go hang out with friends, vent off steam. Think about this, you are far far better off w/o this person.
Author foxh1234 Posted June 30, 2008 Author Posted June 30, 2008 I would say sit on the knowledge for a little while. Calm yourself down first. You're in a state of shock and anger is the first response. Give it a couple of days and then if you still feel the urge to send a nasty email. Then by all means do. I mean what do you care about her now? You don't want her back do you? If you send it i think that you might want a response, an apology or something but what if she doesn't give you one and just ignores it? How would you feel then? Do what's best for you but IMO you need to have a cool head before you make the decision. You might regret it when you've calmed down. I am so f**king mad, I have to calm down and give myself some time. I won't do anything tonight. I am going out with friends. I will read everyones responses tomorrow and decide what to do. F**k this sucks. I did not need that info from my so called friend. I was doing well and now this ****. I'll wait until tomorrow. Thanks everyone.
Ally Boo Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 I don't blame you for being really upset. Are you upset because she was a skank or because you feel disrespected once again? Honestly, talking to her about it isn't going to fix or change anything. It will show her that you know about it, and that she still has the power to hurt you. I don't think that's something you really want her to know. All you can do is be glad she can't hurt you again. Even if you could sit down with her, have a talk and let her know everything you feel and think about the situation, you'll still feel bad and want answers. I remember doing that to my ex who cheated on me so much. Nothing he ever said made it feel better and eventually, I realized there was no use talking to him about it anymore. Then again, if it really comes down to it, you can write her and destroy the letter. That always helped me.
replicator Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Hi, I just found out through a semi-friend that my ex slept with a second guy while we were together. I am f**king furious now like I have never been before. I was getting over her and accepting that she has moved in with the guy she was cheating on me with. Now I find out about another f**king guy!!! I want to email her and tell her what a slut I think she is and how f**ked up she is. I also want to tell her that she is dead to me now and I never want to see her face again. I have alot of anger to get out but is it bad to send it to her ? Will this help me or set me back ? Advice please. I know this might not be the best advice, but in this situation, I'd let her know that you know. Then just go back to NC - forever. At least she'll know that you know all the bad things she did behind your back. I know you don't really get much out of it, but she should feel ashamed.. You're truly lucky to get her out of your life - you should pat yourself on the back.
v33 Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 No, no, no.... The only thing contacting her is going to accomplish it to upset you further. You are going to feel like an ass after you do. I know you are hurt, pissed off and angry and want to tell her off. I did all these things when I found out about the cheating, but really, it was pointless and far too late. It just made her dislike me more and think I was a raving lunatic. Yes, she did you wrong, but letting her know that you know will accomplish nothing now. She doesn't care if you think less of her. She is not going to feel remorseful. Not now that you have been broken up for some time and she cheated before. Was she sorry about the first guy? Do you think she feels bad about doing it now? Do you think you can make her feel bad? Not likely. If she is dead to you now just don't contact her at all. Contacting her to tell her you won't contact her will seem flakey to her. Don't give her the emotional upper hand. If you still aren't convinced at least take some time to sit on the information and think it over.... don't think about it too much though. I know betrayal hurts..... but if she didn't care about hurting you when she did it and you two were together, why would she care now?
critter909 Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 The email would feel damn good. So maybe write it and tear it up. Like some of the others said you don't really have anything to lose but some dignity. Contact seems to make things worse though, what if you get some crap response that you didn't want? Maybe set you back...
kizik Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Fox, It's OK to be mad. I understand you're furious. But contacting her will change nothing. You knew she was a whore, now you now she was a superwhore - there is nothing new here. Contacting her and expressing your anger won't change or fix anything. She'll be defensive and angry with you, too, b/c that's a f*cked up person't reaction to confrontations. I am sorry about this. The person who told you this? Not a friend. Not good for you to be friends w/ that person. What an azzhole.
sunshinegirl Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Fox, It's OK to be mad. I understand you're furious. But contacting her will change nothing. You knew she was a whore, now you now she was a superwhore - there is nothing new here. Contacting her and expressing your anger won't change or fix anything. She'll be defensive and angry with you, too, b/c that's a f*cked up person't reaction to confrontations. I am sorry about this. The person who told you this? Not a friend. Not good for you to be friends w/ that person. What an azzhole. I wouldn't necessarily write off the friendship - it's possible the friend was trying to help. I will say that I actually DID feel better sending an email to my ex after I found out about his cheating. Then again, I had forced him into an in-person discussion where I made him tell me everything...and then I was so furious the next day that I sent a follow-up email. In a way, I think you would feel better if you had some way to confront her in person about it. She'd have to face you then - if you send an email now it just goes off into cyberspace and you will have no way to know how it impacted her - you may likely get no response at all, and would you be okay with that? Besides all that, honestly, the first thing that came to my mind is: what if there are yet more men that she cheated on you with? If you confront her now and say you'll never speak to her again, and then god forbid you learn of yet another guy, are you going to want to tell her off for that one too? I support you whatever you do...just think a bit about what you want to accomplish with your email. I've gotten a LOT of kudos on the email I sent my ex: sharp, to the point, but dignified at the same time.
critter909 Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 I support you whatever you do...just think a bit about what you want to accomplish with your email. I've gotten a LOT of kudos on the email I sent my ex: sharp, to the point, but dignified at the same time. You should post your email
FauxVowel Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Hi, I just found out through a semi-friend that my ex slept with a second guy while we were together. I am f**king furious now like I have never been before. I was getting over her and accepting that she has moved in with the guy she was cheating on me with. Now I find out about another f**king guy!!! I want to email her and tell her what a slut I think she is and how f**ked up she is. I also want to tell her that she is dead to me now and I never want to see her face again. I have alot of anger to get out but is it bad to send it to her ? Will this help me or set me back ? Advice please. Dude, who gives a ****? I'm probably gonna find out about 50 more guys that my ex boned. She's a *bleep*, but she's not my problem anymore. You wanna call them, or e-mail them, and complain, like you're still together? Or they still mean something to you? I completely understand where you're coming from, but just forget about it.
LikeCharlotte Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 Are you 100% sure that the news is true? If so then don't call. I'm sorry. Hope you are ok...
Author foxh1234 Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 Hi folks, I'm back home after going out for a bite with a friend. I have calmed down and come back to my senses. What's done is in the past. I will continue with NC and never give the bitch the time of day again. I am lucky to be done with her and this latest revelation just lets me know how lucky I am. She doesn't deserve to hear from me and she won't again. Thanks to everyone that cared enough to respond.
northstar1 Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 Hi folks, I'm back home after going out for a bite with a friend. I have calmed down and come back to my senses. What's done is in the past. I will continue with NC and never give the bitch the time of day again. I am lucky to be done with her and this latest revelation just lets me know how lucky I am. She doesn't deserve to hear from me and she won't again. Thanks to everyone that cared enough to respond. There ya go, Bravo! Now you can continue to give the rest of us good advice, and virtually punch me in the face if I come close to sending my ex an email.
Author foxh1234 Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 Are you 100% sure that the news is true? If so then don't call. I'm sorry. Hope you are ok... Yes, it's 100% true. Thanks LC, I feel alot better now.
Author foxh1234 Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 Fox, It's OK to be mad. I understand you're furious. But contacting her will change nothing. You knew she was a whore, now you now she was a superwhore - there is nothing new here. Contacting her and expressing your anger won't change or fix anything. She'll be defensive and angry with you, too, b/c that's a f*cked up person't reaction to confrontations. I am sorry about this. The person who told you this? Not a friend. Not good for you to be friends w/ that person. What an azzhole. Your right Kiz, he is not my friend and that is why I am going to punch him in the face the next time I lay eyes on him. The ****ing *******.
Author foxh1234 Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 Dude, who gives a ****? I'm probably gonna find out about 50 more guys that my ex boned. She's a *bleep*, but she's not my problem anymore. You wanna call them, or e-mail them, and complain, like you're still together? Or they still mean something to you? I completely understand where you're coming from, but just forget about it. Your right Y, I will forget but never forgive.
Author foxh1234 Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 There ya go, Bravo! Now you can continue to give the rest of us good advice, and virtually punch me in the face if I come close to sending my ex an email. I will NS, don't worry. Thanks
Author foxh1234 Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 No, no, no.... The only thing contacting her is going to accomplish it to upset you further. You are going to feel like an ass after you do. I know you are hurt, pissed off and angry and want to tell her off. I did all these things when I found out about the cheating, but really, it was pointless and far too late. It just made her dislike me more and think I was a raving lunatic. Yes, she did you wrong, but letting her know that you know will accomplish nothing now. She doesn't care if you think less of her. She is not going to feel remorseful. Not now that you have been broken up for some time and she cheated before. Was she sorry about the first guy? Do you think she feels bad about doing it now? Do you think you can make her feel bad? Not likely. If she is dead to you now just don't contact her at all. Contacting her to tell her you won't contact her will seem flakey to her. Don't give her the emotional upper hand. If you still aren't convinced at least take some time to sit on the information and think it over.... don't think about it too much though. I know betrayal hurts..... but if she didn't care about hurting you when she did it and you two were together, why would she care now? Thanks V, you are so right. NC and forget the whole thing.
FauxVowel Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 Your right Kiz, he is not my friend and that is why I am going to punch him in the face the next time I lay eyes on him. The ****ing *******. You know what I do with people like this? I NC their asses too. Seriously. I'm sure punching him in the face would feel good though... Maybe THEN go NC on him. heh I dunno.
Author foxh1234 Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 I'd say most responses to this would be to keep your dignity and maintain NC. However, you've nothing to lose. You don't want to take her back (I don't think thats on the cards anyhow is it?) therefore, getting all of this off your chest may be very cathartic and close the final chapter of this relationship. No point in letting the anger manifest and then further down the line you regret not having said anything. One things for sure though, you won't have to go through all this again with her. Keep us advised as to what you decide to do... Thanks for the response, you are right of course. I just lost my head earlier. It still hurts so much to think someone you loved so deeply could do this to you. It is really hard to put into words. I am really crushed by this on top of everything else.
FauxVowel Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 Your right Y, I will forget but never forgive. Forgive, forget... Tomato, tomáto...
Author foxh1234 Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 I would say sit on the knowledge for a little while. Calm yourself down first. You're in a state of shock and anger is the first response. Give it a couple of days and then if you still feel the urge to send a nasty email. Then by all means do. I mean what do you care about her now? You don't want her back do you? If you send it i think that you might want a response, an apology or something but what if she doesn't give you one and just ignores it? How would you feel then? Do what's best for you but IMO you need to have a cool head before you make the decision. You might regret it when you've calmed down. Thanks, I would have regretted it if I sent it for sure. F**k her.
Recommended Posts