peace_pipe Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 I've been dating this girl for a few months now. Everything was going pretty smoothly until last week. About 2 weeks ago she brought up monogamy and we both agreed to it. She called me up last Sunday and we had a nice talk, I told her I missed her (we live 1.5 hours apart). She got really distant and quiet after I said I missed her. We ended the call politely and I went to bed. She calls the next evening and I asked her why she was so distant the previous evening. She said that she was freaked out when I said that I missed her. I started asking why and she clammed up. I tried to get her to tell me and I became frustrated and ended the call. Keep in mind we've both told each other that we missed each other before. She sends me a MySpace message the next day. Here's the gist of it: Her ex boyfriend beat her up, she likes me, her requesting patience from me. I never called or wrote, 2 days later she calls me again. She keeps saying that I don't understand how her ex's abuse affected her. She claims that she was "one step away from the mental health facility" and "didn't get out of bed for a long time.". I told her that I was sorry that happened to her, but that I need her to tell me things so I am not left in the dark. I don't know if it was out of frustration on her part or what... but the conversation quickly declined. She said - "I will eventually meet someone else I want to date and I'd like to have that option." That did not sit well with me, especially after this girl asked for "monogamy" 1-2 weeks prior. So I asked her how she would feel if I kissed or went down on another girl. She said "As long as I didn't know about it." That speaks volumes to me.... how gross!!! I don't know what this girl's problem is - but I don't think that I did anything wrong here. The last we spoke was last Thursday. I really thought things were going well with us. I want to call, but I've been holding off so far.
imbewildered Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 She said - "I will eventually meet someone else I want to date and I'd like to have that option." That did not sit well with me, especially after this girl asked for "monogamy" 1-2 weeks prior. . You did everything perfectly here. You are dating someone who has no clue about what she wants, or how to get it. This chick is not someone who understands adult relationships. She is already treating you openly with disrespect and careless insensitivity, by telling you essentially that she is "still shopping " and that makes you Mr Rightnow until she meets a BBD or another branch to swing over too. Her request for monogamy (exclusivity) is just her selfishness revealing itself . You probably decoded that request as her saying that she saw herself in a strong relationship with you, and she wanted to make it more permanent and more committed by asking for monogamy. What she really wants is for you to be committed to her, but she wants the freedom to date another guy if one comes along who appeals to her. Welcome to women's delightful double standards. I would dump her if she said that cr*p to me. Respect trumps pvssy.
Stockalone Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 I don't know what this girl's problem is - but I don't think that I did anything wrong here. The last we spoke was last Thursday. I really thought things were going well with us. I want to call, but I've been holding off so far. Given her comments, I can perfectly understand that you don't want to call her again. I wouldn't want to either. If what she said is indeed her understanding of monogamy and fidelity, then that is really gross, especially the "As long as I didn't know about it." part. The only thing that would have me thinking of talking to her again is that all this developed over text messages and/or phone. Also, her comments and asking for monogamy 2 weeks prior don't match. So, if you really like her a lot, I would think about a face-to-face meeting, to see how she reacts when you confront her with what she said. But I certainly won't blame you if you never speak to her again.
lino Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Seems like a real piece of work you got there mate. Good luck Welcome to women's delightful double standards.
Jilly Bean Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 I don't think this needs a lot of analysis at all. You can speculate until the cows come home, and so can everyone here, as to why she did this. Why spend the energy? Ultimately, the background to the actions are of little consequence, IMO. Just proceed with the information you have been given.
diesel1218 Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 To me it sounds like she is playing games. She wants you to be interested but enjoy's the chase too much too.
Sothas Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 She seems very confused and if you haven't yet I suggest pointing out to her how recently she said she wanted to be exclusive and is now saying the opposite. Otherwise, her saying "As long as I don't know about it" seems to be a bit of a red flag to me that she doesn't think cheating is a big deal. If you don't agree with that then it will likely be difficult to figure things out. Also, after hearing that you will be suspicious about any other guy you hear about or see her around. It just doesn't seem worth it to me, I would just let her go. -Sothas
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