araxis73 Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 I grieved hard when you said you did not love me anymore. But after some time I see what you mean. We both are no longer happy at all. It is cruel to stay chained in hell when we do have the resources to say "GoodBye". I realize I have not loved you in a long time. Now that this "amnesiac denial" is wearing off. We are not to each other who we were then. I can't say it is all your fault. But I will say it is our own joint fault and yes we both failed. But I have anger towards you for what I let you do to me. So with that said................. 1 More month to go and you will be gone. I cannot wait till you move out. You have made my life these last 6 years hell with your up and down mood swings. Never in my life did I ever try so hard for a women like I did you. I gave you love, attention, money, and even accepted the fact we would not be able to have a child because of your infertility problems. Did I let that stop my love for you? No. I instead enjoyed raising your son from your previous marriage. Now he has to suffer. He is the one who is hurting from this more than you know. But we have to do this. We do not work out together. You like doing everything with your family only and screw mine or my friends. I cannot take that anymore. I want my life back. I am going to get it back. I have no doubt I will find that person someday who will not get mad at me because I just wanted to take tim e with her and have cool conversations over coffee. Some men such as myself think we are lonely during this process. When in reality we were lonely all the years we put up with your hell raising, up and down, high/low moodswings, and demands. I feel our divorce is fair. I am glad you see it as the same. I wish you nothing but the best in your life. You want to stay friends because of our 6 year marriage. I hate to say it but once this house is gone so will I. I will say hi maybe here and there only if you call. I sure won't. Considering I am moving 1300 miles away I think I will have a great new start in life without your constant nit picking bitch atittude, your constant anger, your constant manipulating, and yeah I must say you played me well. I gave you my heart plain and simple. You ran me over and over and over. I am going after my career, working out, the spirituality side of my life, and networking like crazy to restore myself to a happy man. I will not let our failed marriage ruin my life. I have 2 choices 1 to make it destructive or 2 a positive. I choose the latter. See, you have thrown these unstable storms at me in the past but what you do not understand is what makes the man is how he rides this hell blown storm out. Well honey I am a sailor of the sea after being with you this long. I know your problems like you saying "you know your hard to live with or put up with" are all in what happened to you at age 13 when your father killed himself. You had so many adult problems thrown into your young life. My heart will ache for you there always. Because I know you had to grow up fast. But no therapy, no help and no good support base has made you what you are. You can make all the excuses in the world for not getting a therapist over it but you are only hurting yourself. If you just gave that therapy a chance you will be a much happier person with yourself. Even the future men you will meet will benefit from you getting therapy otherwise God help em! But hey they can have you. But I am sorry. After turning 35 and you being almost 41 life is to short for this crap. I am not going to pay all your bills anymore. God thank you. If you had been appreciative for the demands I held on my back for you I would not have ever cared. I am not taking your **** anymore. I am not palying by your rules anymore. It is now my way or the highway like Limp Bizkit sings. But even that is no biggie anymore cause it is the highway for both of us. I would have done anything for you. All you had to do was be my best friend, love me, take an interest in me, and just be good to me. Instead your kind thinks a man with a good heart is weak. Not true! A man with a good heart in the wrong hands is in trouble as was the case of us. But the big factor rite now is I cannot wait till your ass moves out. So I can really begin recovery within myself. I am tired of being around you acting like we are bosom buds. There are many beautiful women in this world who have so much to give a man like me and have it given back to them likewise. Give and Take! all you ever did was take! Never give back. Not just with money but everything. Love. Sex. etc..... There are many kind hearted woman in this world and you know what? When I am ready, I am going to find one and live so happy.... A friend. Someone to talk to... Do things with... Hang out with... Love and possibly have a child with... Someone I know who would have my back... All these things I never had with you. NEVER! It is not the most pleasant of times in life rite now because of this. But I have some hope this storm will blow away like they all do and when my ship comes out of it she will be wiser and stronger. I have to hold on this to hold onto my sanity. I have grieved or relationship up and down. I was in denial the last 2 years. But I/We have to move on and let go. I am angry with you. But I wish you no ill-will in your life. I hope you find what it is you want in life. I want you happy. I want to be happy to. So I wish us both Grand Luck! Just please move out soon so we can both begin to recover who we were, are, and what we are now. Regards...
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