Toasted Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 My husband and I were married for 7 years, togehter for 12. I told my him i wanted a seperation after i found out he was having an affair. It has been about 2 months since i found out he was seeing someone else. We had been trying to work things out for a month when i found out he had not in fact stopped seeing her and that the relationship had been alot more serious than he had let on to. April 26th was D-Day, June 4th was my official "screw this - i'm done." day. One of my two closest frineds just got married and is in newlywed/just bought a fixer upper heaven. I have been trying to help as much as i can with my limiting skills as a painter, (thats pretty much all i can do - good thing her hubby is a handy guy!) and it has been good for me too - distracting. However it is tough to be around them, so much in love, i feel at times ill puke. And i don't want to make them feel bad for being in love - thats the way it should be. My other closest friend lives 3 hours away. What I'm looking for is feed back on what to do to deal with being so damn LONELY. I've bought half of borders, the first two seasons of Sex in the City and i do have a full time job. I guess the worst nights are when my daughter is with him or his/my parents and I'm home alone. I've never had alot of girlfriends, and i work around pretty much 95% guys. I've gone out with the guys from work, but for the most part, there is really no one there I'm close to. My newlywed friend thinks I should dive right into dating, not serious, just for fun. My other girlfriend thinks i should wait until i know what i want from my marriage - that is if i want to try and work it out or if i want a divorce. I have no idea what i want. (Well, i want to go back in time and knock some sence in my husbands head before he had an affair with another woman, but since i can't have that....). I guess i am starting to come to terms with the fact that yes i can live without my husband. What makes it hard is i know i don't want a relationship right now. But sitting at home makes me think about mu husband. i called him last night at midnight to see if he wanted to meet for a drink (my parents had our daughter for a visit). Thank God he didn't awnser, this morning i felt like an idiot and told him i must have hit his number on accident. i know he is not right for me, he cheated, lied and spent a whole lot of our money on his little fling. But im so damn lonely! Is it possible to date just for fun or does it make verything that much worse? Any advice? How soon is too soon?
SingleDad Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 I got some good advice from a friend of mine as I am in the same situation. The advice is: You are not ready to be dating if you can't go the whole date without mentioning or discussing your ex.
SingleDad Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 p.s. You also have a daughter. And from what I read you are in a trial separation vs. legal separation or divorce. Despite what your husband did and his justifications, you have to do what you feel is right for yourself and your daughter.
Billy Bob Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Is it possible to date just for fun or does it make verything that much worse? Any advice? How soon is too soon? You don't need a cheater, someone who lies and has an affair behind your back.. he was probably sleeping with both of you at the same time.. You are worth more than that and there are plenty of other guys out there that would treat you right. Date! Do it for your self-esteem! You don't need to develop any long term relationships.. put a profile on Match.com.. just to review all the interested guys. But, be ready for your husband to flip out when he learns your dating... He will probably come crawling back... Smart thing to do would be to not take him back. Your marriage is the past now.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 You know what got my confidence back was going out on dates, working out feeling good. getting compliments. The more self confidence you project the more you will feel good about yourself. Your soon to be ex made his choice. There's no need to hold a candle for him. Next time a good looking guy ask you out on a date, just agree and go. Dip your toes into the water. Just relax. dating is fine.
Ally Boo Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 I am so sorry that you are going through this. Being lonely is no doubt one of the hardest things when you find yourself single- no matter what the circumstances are. I can really identify with you. I also rarely have girlfriends and tend to be around "the guys." I've been through a break up of a marriage and an engagement and I'll tell you what I did. With the marriage, I waited a few months until I couldn't take it anymore and had to have fun. When the engagement broke up a few years ago, I did the opposite. I put all of my energy into making myself better. I went to school. I learned how to make jewelry. I picked up an old instrument that I hadn't played since high school and reconnected with that love. I got a dog and he was my world. I did things that weren't healthy- like getting obsessed with online role playing games. lol I even moved to Canada for a little while! I've even been on the other side of a breakup when I befriended a guy earlier this year who went through the breakup of his girlfriend of 9 years. I became his "cuddle buddy" for lack of a better term and for a brief moment during that time, I thought maybe having a cuddle buddy was the answer. It made things better temporarily, but feelings will develop- it's almost unavoidable. My point is, this is the beginning of a journey of self-discovery. It's not exactly a painless journey, but it is rewarding if you embrace it. I've learned so much about myself because of it and I am a better person for it. I think you'll discover that being lonely isn't the problem anymore- not having enough time or resources to explore all of your heart will be...and that's a pretty cool feeling.
Gunny376 Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 I am so sorry that you are going through this. Being lonely is no doubt one of the hardest things when you find yourself single- no matter what the circumstances are. I can really identify with you. I also rarely have girlfriends and tend to be around "the guys." I've been through a break up of a marriage and an engagement and I'll tell you what I did. With the marriage, I waited a few months until I couldn't take it anymore and had to have fun. When the engagement broke up a few years ago, I did the opposite. I put all of my energy into making myself better. I went to school. I learned how to make jewelry. I picked up an old instrument that I hadn't played since high school and reconnected with that love. I got a dog and he was my world. I did things that weren't healthy- like getting obsessed with online role playing games. lol I even moved to Canada for a little while! I've even been on the other side of a breakup when I befriended a guy earlier this year who went through the breakup of his girlfriend of 9 years. I became his "cuddle buddy" for lack of a better term and for a brief moment during that time, I thought maybe having a cuddle buddy was the answer. It made things better temporarily, but feelings will develop- it's almost unavoidable. My point is, this is the beginning of a journey of self-discovery. It's not exactly a painless journey, but it is rewarding if you embrace it. I've learned so much about myself because of it and I am a better person for it. I think you'll discover that being lonely isn't the problem anymore- not having enough time or resources to explore all of your heart will be...and that's a pretty cool feeling. Exactally! After my last LTR, I made my mind up to be Happy with just me, myself and I! It was hard, but I made my mind up to do so! Its do'able! You're about as happy as you make your mind up to be!
WTFOVERMAN Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Be happy with yourself and people will want to be with you. If you need someone to make you happy, your destined to fail in all relationships. If your partners sole responsibility is to make you happy, you just put one helluva responsibility on them. That is the main ingredient for the resentment recipe!
Gunny376 Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Be happy with yourself and people will want to be with you. If you need someone to make you happy, your destined to fail in all relationships. If your partners sole responsibility is to make you happy, you just put one helluva responsibility on them. That is the main ingredient for the resentment recipe! Exactally!
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