dmiers Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 I have been with this guy since last april. He is in the process of getting a divorce which he is really happy about. He has been promising me this rosy future of happiness and is always telling me how much he loves me and can't stand to be away from me...however we have a hard time seeing each other with our work schedules, kids and living situations. About six months back I received emails from his ex where she advised me that she had been having sex with him when we were together and she always seems to know some details to make it fit. I confronted him on it and he got extremely pissed and denied it and after a lot of talking, crying and thinking...I chose to believe him.....things have been quiet since. Then about a week ago I received a phone call at work from some girl named Chris who new all these details of our relationship...she said they had been talking and that my guy was wanting to start a relationship up with her but she found out we were still seeing each other and she stated that she knew his ex wife and that he had been having sex with this other girl...when I confronted him on this again he admitted to talking to this girl because we were having problems and that he just needed a neutral party to talk to but that there was nothing else and that he still wants to be with me and he is sorry for talking to someone else but didn't see any harm in it at the time but realizes that he shouldn't have kept it from me and that he should have come to me instead. He denies sleeping with the other girl....so I decided to give a chance to prove himself then I just got this desire to check behind him to make sure and I saw an email where another mutual friend of his and his ex wife's who is asking for my guy to tell her what is true and what isn't about him having a baby w/ the other girl he was having sex with...He swears to me that it isn't true and that she is pregnant but it is her husband's baby not his....I keep getting fed all this information or rumors..not sure what to call them and I don't know what to believe...just looking for advise.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 You have been messing around with a married man (and YES HE IS MARRIED NO MATTER WHAT PROCESS HE IS IN WITH HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS WIFE). I believe his wife and this other girl. Apparently he is a cheater and has women foolishly engaged in his wrongs. You want some advice, here it is... 1) Let him be UNTIL he gets divorced. If it was meant to be, it will be. You and he are cheating and their is no justification for adultery. And if he is willing to do this to his wife, what will he do to you? 2) Talk with the wife and the ex wife and the girl or any other girl that comes up. As a matter of fact have a date with them at the same time and have a sit down with your man. Put him to the test, have him sit down with these women in your presence and listen to them. 3) Don't let his dismissals and his making you feel stupid for asking him the questions seem wrong. Don't be the foolish woman to take your man over other women who are trying to tell you something. Those who are innocent can stand up to the flame of lies, those who are even partially guilty will dissuade you from finding the truth. 4) Talk with the wife he is getting a divorce from. Find out from her why they are getting a divorce. Look at how his kids act, they tell a story of the family relationship. The reason why you have to be in contact with the ex is because YOU WILL BE APART OF THE FAMILY. Only the fool will distant themselves from a ex-spouse who has kids that the current lover/spouse is linked to. DNR
Lookingforward Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Your post was a little confusing to follow. It seems one of the main issues/problems here is that your bf tells FAR too much of your intimate information to others outside your R. You might do well to ask him exactly why he feels he can disrespect your R by doing this, because that's what it is. Just for clarification, what does "in the process of getting a D" mean ? Is he separated, living on his own or with you ?
Lookingforward Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 You have been messing around with a married man (and YES HE IS MARRIED NO MATTER WHAT PROCESS HE IS IN WITH HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS WIFE). DNR I beg to differ on this point..... if they are separated, living in separate homes and D has been filed then it's not the same as being with a MM who is having an A while living with the W..... just my opinion and I know you're rather black and white on these issues. Starting your post by calling someone an adultress isn't likely to be conducive to her listening to any advice following that.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 I beg to differ on this point..... if they are separated, living in separate homes and D has been filed then it's not the same as being with a MM who is having an A while living with the W..... just my opinion and I know you're rather black and white on these issues. Starting your post by calling someone an adultress isn't likely to be conducive to her listening to any advice following that. Well I right and wrong is black or white. And not states that separation is a legal or acceptable grounds for an affair. And yes, I know a lot gof men and women who got admonished by the courts because of it. Another situation is that he may be engaging in spousal things with his WIFE (not ex-wife, only a divorce decree makes that legal). Lastly, what if the married person and their spouse get back together? So, yes anyone who engages in romantic relations with someone who is still married, separated or not is engaging in adultery. Now if a person want to get huffy about being show the truth and wish to ignore any advice that comes afterwards, that is on them and may be their own folly. I know a few people who have comeback and made that realization. DNR
GPFan Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 ....I keep getting fed all this information or rumors..not sure what to call them and I don't know what to believe...just looking for advise.Too much drama! Too many paramours, a wife, possible pregnancy with woman who is married (excellent opportunity for much explosive dramatics here), etc. If you want to live this 'lifestyle,' continue on with him; if this is making you unhappy, consider ending the relationship.
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