loomis Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Silence speaks louder then words people. It helps to clear your head, helps get back to who you are. Be the person you always wanted to be and show them how happy you are with out them. I'm happy being by myself and it took a while for it to be that way. I accomplished this by not say one word to her. You can all do it too.
wareagle Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 I have to agree with you 100%. Haven't spoke, texted, imd nothing for almost 4 months now! I feel so good about that! You wanted me gone, now I'm gone and I am not looking back biaaaaaatch!! HaHa
inulg Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 yes! actually despite i have tried to contact my ex, he has never responded. and slowly i am starting to find myself again, and realize... WHY AM I CONTACTING HIM??? lol also, i'm doing things i wouldent normally do if he were around! things i'd forgotten i liked doing! ha!
northstar1 Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 yes! actually despite i have tried to contact my ex, he has never responded. and slowly i am starting to find myself again, and realize... WHY AM I CONTACTING HIM??? lol also, i'm doing things i wouldent normally do if he were around! things i'd forgotten i liked doing! ha! Going NC is like weaning off crack I'd imagine. You still want a little fix from the ex - any form of contact - just to keep yourself in their thoughts - even if there is no going back. Like any addiction, it's hard and painful and takes time and there can be setbacks. Just have to realize that the final goal (healing) is worth it in the end.
inulg Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Going NC is like weaning off crack I'd imagine. You still want a little fix from the ex - any form of contact - just to keep yourself in their thoughts - even if there is no going back. Like any addiction, it's hard and painful and takes time and there can be setbacks. Just have to realize that the final goal (healing) is worth it in the end. lol, if this is how coming off an addiction feels like, i hope to NEVER EVER get addicted..!!
Author loomis Posted June 30, 2008 Author Posted June 30, 2008 It is a good feeling. The other day I had a mini break down. The ex always hated myspace so she had facebook. I always hated facebook so I have myspace. Well everything is going great and now she has myspace. She's adding all my friends, none of which are really adding her. Some are but they are mutual so what do you do? for the one didn't though, They know how big of a bitch she was to me. I have good friends. I went and looked at her profile to just get it over with. I knew I would anyway so I did. you know what I realized? I'm not missing out on anything. All of her pictures are her with dumb f*cks, getting drunk and being stupid. In a way I'm glad I looked so that I could see just how good my life is with out her now. Things like this happen and I realize and you know what. It helps believe it or not. Makes me feel like the better person.
D-Lish Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Whenever I break up with someone the first thing I do is delete and block them on both msn, facebook, etc. I find when the temptation isn't there I won't be inclined to look... I hate having anything around that might remind me of things. I actually stayed away from facebook for a few weeks just to give myself a break... I think it's understandable to have min-relapses and moments where you miss your ex or want to know what they are doing. You had a good distraction thing with that other girl going on for a while, so it's natural that when that went bad you would think about your ex again. You are better off being alone than being with someone who doesn't treat you right. That doesn't mean you can turn your feelings on and off just because someone treated you badly though. It does help to count the reasons and think about why you are better off without someone... but that can only take you so far until you can reconcile with how you feel about someone. I've pined for someone who treated me badly- and it did help to remember the crappy things he did instead of thinking about the good times. I still think about a particular guy who was pretty mean to me. It's getting better though. I find I get particularly weak when I go back to thinking about the beginning stages of our relationship when he was on his best behaviour. Sometimes I grasp onto those times and I feel myself regressing.... but I try really hard to replace those thoughts with the memories of the bad things he did... And it truly does help when I put into perspective that the guy I fell in love with wasn't the guy that he really was. There will be moments of relapse, and moments of weakness, but there will also be stages of progress that make up for it. There will come a time when you can see her profile or see her out and you just won't give a crap. I think you are handling this pretty well all things considered. You are learning to appreciate yourself and what you have to offer the right person when they come along, and they will come along.
Author loomis Posted June 30, 2008 Author Posted June 30, 2008 Whenever I break up with someone the first thing I do is delete and block them on both msn, facebook, etc. I find when the temptation isn't there I won't be inclined to look... I hate having anything around that might remind me of things. I actually stayed away from facebook for a few weeks just to give myself a break... I think it's understandable to have min-relapses and moments where you miss your ex or want to know what they are doing. You had a good distraction thing with that other girl going on for a while, so it's natural that when that went bad you would think about your ex again. You are better off being alone than being with someone who doesn't treat you right. That doesn't mean you can turn your feelings on and off just because someone treated you badly though. It does help to count the reasons and think about why you are better off without someone... but that can only take you so far until you can reconcile with how you feel about someone. I've pined for someone who treated me badly- and it did help to remember the crappy things he did instead of thinking about the good times. I still think about a particular guy who was pretty mean to me. It's getting better though. I find I get particularly weak when I go back to thinking about the beginning stages of our relationship when he was on his best behaviour. Sometimes I grasp onto those times and I feel myself regressing.... but I try really hard to replace those thoughts with the memories of the bad things he did... And it truly does help when I put into perspective that the guy I fell in love with wasn't the guy that he really was. There will be moments of relapse, and moments of weakness, but there will also be stages of progress that make up for it. There will come a time when you can see her profile or see her out and you just won't give a crap. I think you are handling this pretty well all things considered. You are learning to appreciate yourself and what you have to offer the right person when they come along, and they will come along. For real. I don't feel like looking at her profile was a set back in any way. It was just sort of surprising I guess you can say. In my mind I was like "what the hell?" lol afterwards though I blocked her. I don't want her to have any way of contacting me. Meh that other girl was alright. It was nice to get out and go on a dates and stuff but as it turns out she wasn't anything I was looking for anyway. Plus I'd rather just hang out with friends right now. Life is good, I have absolutely no desire to ever get back with her. I know there is someone better out there for sure. I just need to find them. Like I said D-lish you are awesome. Reading your posts always help me out. You're too nice lol Keep em coming people lets hear about how you're all doing!!!!!!!
renaissancewoman101 Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Unlike others, I have always found it hard to do NC. Sometimes I would rather have someone in my life, even a little piece of that someone, rather than nothing at all. I don't know how you guys can do that, just move on and never look back. It hurts like hell.
wareagle Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Yes it does hurt like hell!! Why would you want a piece of someone in your life who has done you wrong time and time again? We are better than that, I don't want to be second best to the person I gave my heart too!! She doesn't deserve me, or my friendship. I gave her all of me and in return she pulled my heart out and stepped all over it!!
foxh1234 Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Silence and NC are very hard. It is so hard for us because we really cared about them. If we didn't, it would not bother us at all. As much as it hurts though, it would hurt 10 times worse to have contact. My ex has a new man and has moved on, I must accept that and do the same. She wants me as a friend, not gonna happen. It's all or nothing for me.I won't play second fiddle to make her feel better. NC is the ONLY way folks.
Art_Critic Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 loomis your OP is very wise... Silence can also be deafening if applied properly.. Nothing says I don't want you like dead silence.
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