KinAZ Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Complete opposite for me. From now on I will always say what I am REALLY thinking, even if it might hurt. In the past I have always been too aware of hurting someone else and sometimes to my own detriment. Sometimes, in my experience, even when I've been totally honest in a well meaning way, sensitive people will hear what they want to hear and not what I'm really saying. They may dwell on the "negative" aspect of my honesty, not realizing that I wouldn't be trying to talk it out if I didn't really care. If I didn't really care, or thought you were just so horrible, I would have just walked away. I started thinking before I spoke. So, my ex might open up, and I wouldn't say more than a couple of words so that I could reflect, instead of just telling him what he wanted to hear or hurting him unnecessarily. (No, we weren't together, and he still had me on eggshells.) Admittedly, there were things I couldn't make myself vulnerable enough to express, but for the things I tried to express... I don't know... lol... it just didn't work out well.
flosslight Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 I will never stay with someone who forgets me or does not treat me like a priority. I will also not give a guy another chance when I have decided to end it.
Star Gazer Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Oh sh*t, Story... I'm glad I read your list, because I really worry sometimes about doing these things someday: If I were starting over, the main thing I wouldn't do again is marry someone I don't lust after. Oh, also, I wouldn't marry on the assumption/hope that he would turn into someone quite different with a little "fixing". Oh, yeah, and I won't marry someone because he has more goodness than me in the hopes that I can become a more upstanding citizen through osmosis. Because as I get older, I can totally relate to this: That you have much greater chance of mistakenly choosing a guy you don't have chemistry with, because your first priority will have to be finding a good provider and your second priority will have to be finding a good dad. Your third priority will be finding someone who makes you feel cozy and loved. Are you hot for him? That will be way down there on the list. EEEEKKKK!! Other than that, my #1 WILL NOT DO is to make excuses and/or justify HIS poor behavior.
OceanBlue Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Sometimes, in my experience, even when I've been totally honest in a well meaning way, sensitive people will hear what they want to hear and not what I'm really saying. They may dwell on the "negative" aspect of my honesty, not realizing that I wouldn't be trying to talk it out if I didn't really care. If I didn't really care, or thought you were just so horrible, I would have just walked away. I started thinking before I spoke. So, my ex might open up, and I wouldn't say more than a couple of words so that I could reflect, instead of just telling him what he wanted to hear or hurting him unnecessarily. (No, we weren't together, and he still had me on eggshells.) Admittedly, there were things I couldn't make myself vulnerable enough to express, but for the things I tried to express... I don't know... lol... it just didn't work out well. I recently made myself extremely vulnerable. And I put some really serious stuff out there - some of which I knew would hurt him, but that i had to let him know what I was thinking. It worked. He is still around, he knows how I feel about certain issues and we have a place to work from. So far, so good.
lino Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 I won't go out of my way to do nice things for women I'm interested in romantically anymore.
Woggle Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 I will never beg a woman to love me again I will never apologize if I am not aware of what I did wrong and if I do not feel that I was wrong I will never let a woman mold me into what she wants I will never put a woman over my friends who have been there through thick and thin
imbewildered Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 I won't go out of my way to do nice things for women I'm interested in romantically anymore. Yeh, I bet you did them as enticements didn't you? That is almost a guarantee of exploitation by today's women. A man should only do "nice" things for a woman as 'rewards', after she has qualified and proved herself by her behavior. Ya dig ?
imbewildered Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 I will never beg a woman to love me again Why did you do that even ONCE?
lino Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Yeh, I bet you did them as enticements didn't you? That is almost a guarantee of exploitation by today's women. A man should only do "nice" things for a woman as 'rewards', after she has qualified and proved herself by her behavior. Ya dig ? No, I didn't do them as enticements. I do nice things for all those I care about and I still do now, just not for women that I'm interested in romantically. I never got exploited in the past by women but I was always left feeling very unappreciated, thats for sure. Can you say a bit more about the part I made bold? Girls are really good actors from my experience and can be angels when it suits them.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 1. I will not be with a man who is a jerk to everyone but me -- because guess what? Eventually he will be a jerk to me, too. 2. I will not be with a man with whom I have anything less than great sexual chemistry and compatibility. I will not settle for a mediocre sex life. 3. I will not be with a man who is dependent on his family, or whose family is dependent on him.
Shygirl15 Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 1. I will not volunteer to pay for anything on dates. 2. I will no longer be 'nice', shy and accomodating, I'll speak up my mind all the time. 3. I will no longer date cute guys. Saves me the trouble of worrying if they're gay or not.
lino Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 1. I will not volunteer to pay for anything on dates. 2. I will no longer be 'nice', shy and accomodating, I'll speak up my mind all the time. 3. I will no longer date cute guys. Saves me the trouble of worrying if they're gay or not. your 3rd point really made me laugh I think your other 2 are very reasonable
Touche Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 I will never, ever again think that I can't live without the man I'm with. I'm prepared to walk if I'm ever mistreated. I will never, ever again be a submissive doormat. I will never emotionally give more than I get. It took me a loooonnnng time to realize you have to train a man regarding how you expect to be treated. Some are pretty slow and never learn. The good ones catch on fast.
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 This has made ME feel better, please add your own !!!! :bunny: I will not waste my time with someone who can't be affectionate. I won't intentionally go after women who are unavailable. I will no longer try to prove things to myself. I won't judge women too quickly. I will no longer go around thinking that the universe controls my attraction. I will MAKE chemistry not be a lazy slave to it. I used to think it just happens. I've learned that view is for idiots.
Trialbyfire Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 I will never stay with someone who forgets me or does not treat me like a priority. I will also not give a guy another chance when I have decided to end it. Those are two of my biggies! No more justification for bad behaviours.No more men who put pride/ego before all.No more baggage-laden, insecure, obsessive men.
notgoodatthis Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 uh, I'm still guilty of this one, but i look at it as being '" non controlling" and letting karma take it's course ! Same here! I love karma and I had incredible karma when she cheated on me. I also got to embarass her in front of her new tool of a boyfriend. I do not feel a bit of guilt either.
notgoodatthis Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Stupid things I won't do? 1. Ignore red flags. 2. Lose respect for myself. 3. I won't ever look for approval FROM others. 4. Put up with her sh*t! (LOL) 5. Be too available. Bottom line, have a life and share it with others. Never, EVER let them BE your life. Cheers. This is a great response. If every guy followed these 5 rules, he would be fine, just fine.
coffeemaker Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 1. I will never (try my best not to!) react emotionally - will take the time to properly analyze the situation, figure out what's best for me, and then make a the rational decision. 2. As a consequence of 1, I will never hold back - if she can't handle the honesty, brutal honest at times, f**k it. I am what I am, I think what I think, I feel what I feel. It ain't gonna change.
Trialbyfire Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 More to the list: No more selfish men. No more controlling men.
AAlike Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 I need to chill out on my perfectionism a little bit and let even my SO be herself and not nitpick everything that I find to be suboptimal. Realize that even though I'm not normally the type to compliment people without them doing something spectacular, that telling a girl that she "looks hot today" for no reason other than just to do it can work wonders for your relationship, and it doesn't really hurt anything! and for god's sakes, and I think that the majority of people on here will agree with me, I will never ever get involved in a discussion about either my nor her past sexual history in any level detail beyond "I have one...yeah me too."
Author melodymatters Posted June 30, 2008 Author Posted June 30, 2008 I need to chill out on my perfectionism a little bit and let even my SO be herself and not nitpick everything that I find to be suboptimal. Realize that even though I'm not normally the type to compliment people without them doing something spectacular, that telling a girl that she "looks hot today" for no reason other than just to do it can work wonders for your relationship, and it doesn't really hurt anything! and for god's sakes, and I think that the majority of people on here will agree with me, I will never ever get involved in a discussion about either my nor her past sexual history in any level detail beyond "I have one...yeah me too." Thank you ! I had an ex who for some reason, felt that any nice thing he said to me, was equivalant to giving pints of blood. I agree, it costs nothing, and makes the whole relationship a happier land to live in ! And NO, "numbers" are not ever a reasonable point of discussion, so why go there. You all are coming up with great ones ! Hopefully we can learn from each other ! :love:
Keridan Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 This thread rocks. I will never again date a woman who I'm so infatuated with I can't talk near her. I will never again show real pictures of my ex. If asked, I will find the best "uggo" pics available on the web I will never again date someone I don't completely trust. Hopefully I will never date again because I'm married
JohnnyBlaze Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 1. Being the nice guy sucks. Being the good guy is okay, but forget this nice guy s__t. I'm sick and tired of being the guy that the girls run to when they want to whine to someone about how bad their boyfriend treats them or how he doesn't call when he says he will, or how things aren't as exclusive as she wants. It's time to employ Dr. Leary's therapy program. 2. No chasing taken women. Most times, I don't do it intentionally (i.e. don't find until afterwards that they're involved with someone else - there are a few good stories here!), but it invariably happens. 3. The only time I'm going to play Santa Caus to a girl is if she's into kinky dress-up games. Gifts are for three major events only: birthday, Christmas, and anniversary (Valentine's day gets the cute stuff, but not the big guns). Some exceptions will be made, like if you get that dream job you've been fighting for. Wednesday is not such an exception. If we're going to celebrate Wednesday, remember that it's called "Hump Day" - we'll celebrate it accordingly. 4. No giving up my life for a girl. One girl I dated years ago loved that I played guitar. Then she loved it, as long as it didn't cut into her time. Then she and I started spending a lot more time together, and she didn't like the guitar getting ANY time. I ride motorbike now. I kicked myself for giving up the guitar; I'm certainly not letting go of my bike. Like Ed Norton said, "it's never gonna happen, Murray. F___'in forget it. Not on my watch." ...well, okay. #2 is more of an "I know I shouldn't" than an "I won't". I'll just try to minimize it. 3. I will no longer date cute guys. Saves me the trouble of worrying if they're gay or not. Does that mean us mutts have a chance now?
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