melodymatters Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 1) I will not move next door to them. This enables them to "visit" when they like, while still not actually committing to living together and all it entails. 2) I will not put more money down on a house, unless we hold title as "tenants in commen" ( meaning we each get out our respective share rather than a 50/50 split. this includes a marriage situation) 3) I will not fund a business where i put up the money and "they" are the sweat equity. They suddenly lose the desire to get "sweaty" at all ! 4) I will not date a man who is too " kind' to kick his ex gF out of his house, so effectively, he lives with her, while i am technically the GF. Before y'all say DUH ! lol, every situation but the last was long ago. This has made ME feel better, please add your own !!!! :bunny:
Trialbyfire Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 Wish I could participate mm but since I've become a lesbian nun, I won't be having anymore relationships.
Author melodymatters Posted June 29, 2008 Author Posted June 29, 2008 Wish I could participate mm but since I've become a lesbian nun, I won't be having anymore relationships. ooh, ooh, where do I sign up ? as long as they pay room and board and i don't have to wear a silly wimple that'll mess up my golden locks, i'm so there !
KinAZ Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 I won't ignore the flashing red lights when I see them (eg. He says the L word too soon, he doesn't seem motivated, he says a lot of things he never does or isn't actively going for). I will NEVER mention an ex again. And even if asked I'll be vague. I'll never say everything I'm REALLY thinking. (They say they want the truth, but they usually don't.) I'll never let a situation linger on just to give a guy enough rope to hang himself with, so that I can be the one to enjoy the sweet revenge of his bitter agony at the end. (It was only pleasant for a short time, and then I felt horribly guilty for being so immature and spiteful.)
Author melodymatters Posted June 29, 2008 Author Posted June 29, 2008 I'll never let a situation linger on just to give a guy enough rope to hang himself with, so that I can be the one to enjoy the sweet revenge of his bitter agony at the end. (It was only pleasant for a short time, and then I felt horribly guilty for being so immature and spiteful.) uh, I'm still guilty of this one, but i look at it as being '" non controlling" and letting karma take it's course !
Orbit Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 I will never live with a woman for 5 years that I do not love. I will never be jealous of someone I love and trust (after all why would I be in a realtionsip if I didn't trust her) and I will never ever make a drunken phone call, text or e-mail telling them how i feel
Storyrider Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 If I were starting over, the main thing I wouldn't do again is marry someone I don't lust after. Oh, also, I wouldn't marry on the assumption/hope that he would turn into someone quite different with a little "fixing". Oh, yeah, and I won't marry someone because he has more goodness than me in the hopes that I can become a more upstanding citizen through osmosis. But other than that, I plan to do lots of the stupid things all over again and hope things work out differently next time because I'm a romantic.
JackhammerGemma Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 I will never lose my identity for a guy again.
KinAZ Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 Oh Oh Oh! Ditto to drunk dialing! I didn't pour out my heart, but it landed me back with someone I was sure I was long rid of... a couple of times. As far as karma, lol I let things unfold on their own, but I threw in a little kicker for him. I KNEW what he was going to do, and was ready for him.
Author melodymatters Posted June 29, 2008 Author Posted June 29, 2008 Oh, yeah, and I won't marry someone because he has more goodness than me in the hopes that I can become a more upstanding citizen through osmosis. . Veddy interesting ! How'd that one work out ? My guess is a lot of guilt and feelings of failing "the test' as it were. Guess i play it ' safe' and find people who have LESS goodness, so that i can feel magnanimous when it all blows up in my face (side note; i am learning a LOT about myself through these posts, but it took me 2 yrs to let down my guarrd enough to do so, so stick around newbies ! )
Storyrider Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 Veddy interesting ! How'd that one work out ? My guess is a lot of guilt and feelings of failing "the test' as it were. Pretty much... Guess i play it ' safe' and find people who have LESS goodness, so that i can feel magnanimous when it all blows up in my face Well, you know what Billy Joel said. I think I would go for someone more like me, with good intentions who f*cks up royally.
Author melodymatters Posted June 29, 2008 Author Posted June 29, 2008 Pretty much... Well, you know what Billy Joel said. I think I would go for someone more like me, with good intentions who f*cks up royally. C'mon Virginia, don't make me wait ...... !
Suiyobi Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 There's only one thing I'll do, and that is no longer act like Mr. Nice Guy.
Storyrider Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 As a female, I have a new theory about how women choose sexually incompatible mates. I think if you are (A) Not financially independent and/or (B) Pre-childbearing and/or © Not emotionally secure That you have much greater chance of mistakenly choosing a guy you don't have chemistry with, because your first priority will have to be finding a good provider and your second priority will have to be finding a good dad. Your third priority will be finding someone who makes you feel cozy and loved. Are you hot for him? That will be way down there on the list.
Tony T Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 There's only one thing I'll do, and that is no longer act like Mr. Nice Guy. That's very nice of you!
JackhammerGemma Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 On second thought-maybe the stupid part for me is actually being in a relationship. Well, this one anyway. I will try my hardest not to discuss my exes, nor his. I won't snoop. That just leads to a world of sh*t. When he says he doesn't care, I will believe him. Red flags will cause me to take to my heels.
Yamaha Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 Are you hot for him? So , your saying the only concern is that you want to rip their clothes off. You don't need their money, their nurturing ability or their love. I think sexual attraction is important but why would you be dating them if your not attracted to them anyway? It sounds like you want a 1 dimensional person.
trubella Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 1) I will not move next door to them. This enables them to "visit" when they like, while still not actually committing to living together and all it entails. :bunny: this one struck a chord with me, bf and I have been together 6months now, kindof long distance (1hour apart) and we've talked about moving close to eachother. little worried that it will turn out like what youve described if we do. as far as what what i wouldnt do- i wouldnt stay with someone im not sexually compatible with again.
Balthazar Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 I hope I won't make the same stupid mistakes.... just some new ones!
imbewildered Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 THis is for the guys - 1. Never get into an LTR with a women who is still connected to her ex .You are his RIVAL. She will play the two of you against each other. That gives her the power, and you get to tug on one arm and he tugs on the other. NOt good. In addition, women who have been divorced or separated for less that about one year are not worth your time. They are usaually dating again to repair their bruised ego and are NOT givers - you are "rebound guy " . 2. Always place respect as a higher priority that pvssy. Now that is sometimes difficult to do IF she is a hottie BUT, let me warn you from personal experience. Be willing to just walk at the first significant display of disrespect. 3. Do not succumb to her demands if they conflict with your needs. Stay firm and true to YOUr values and beliefs. Women will push your limits and boundaries like children to test the outer edges of your tolerance. Stay strong and unwavering. IF she does not like it - dump her feminist azz. If she does accept your rules, then you have a keeper. Good luck men.
CaliGuy Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Stupid things I won't do? 1. Ignore red flags. 2. Lose respect for myself. 3. I won't ever look for approval FROM others. 4. Put up with her sh*t! (LOL) 5. Be too available. Bottom line, have a life and share it with others. Never, EVER let them BE your life. Cheers.
Storyrider Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 So , your saying the only concern is that you want to rip their clothes off. You don't need their money, their nurturing ability or their love. I think sexual attraction is important but why would you be dating them if your not attracted to them anyway? It sounds like you want a 1 dimensional person. Not at all. Who said anything about not needing love? And I would never be hot for a one-dimensional person. At least two dimensions are required--length and width.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 1) Have sex with a woman without her being my wife. 2) Take a woman's word that she is divorced. 3) Hold on to a woman who can't release issues of her past. DNR
OceanBlue Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 I'll never say everything I'm REALLY thinking. (They say they want the truth, but they usually don't.) Complete opposite for me. From now on I will always say what I am REALLY thinking, even if it might hurt. In the past I have always been too aware of hurting someone else and sometimes to my own detriment. If I were starting over, the main thing I wouldn't do again is marry someone I don't lust after. Absolutely - love and lust are both necessary for me now.
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