Author foxh1234 Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 ha!! i need to see this movie...! Yes you do, go out and rent it or buy it. Great breakup movie.
sunshinegirl Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 My ex-fiance had been divorced for seven years and had been out of his most recent long-term relationship for over three years. However, the demons were still their. As soon as we got engaged, his insecurities and doubts started to come out of the woodwork. We spent a lot of time discussing his previous marriage in the past months, and I think that he started to come to the realization that he had made some pretty big contributions to the break down of the relationship. Unfortunately, even after seven years, there were still some major dramas that just came pouring into our relationship. Wow. Had he not processed his marriage and divorce *at all* in those seven years? My ex has done very little reflection and learning on his failed marriage. It was something that concerned me throughout our relationship; he seemed to externalize what went wrong to things beyond himself ("we married too young and just grew apart"; "she was needy and no matter how much I gave it wasn't enough"; "sometimes I still don't know what went wrong"). In short, no learning has taken place on what he needs to do differently in his relationships. I think he still thinks he just needs to find the right girl and everything will work out just fine. Was it a surprise to you to see how much baggage your fiance brought into your relationship?
sedgwick Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 Ready to date or not, no one is interested in me and that is a bummer! I hear ya! But in my case I'm trying to view this as a positive -- that way nobody will ever have to break up with me again. They'll never have to be annoyed by my presence. They'll never have to let me down gently and feel guilty when I cry. Now I know my place. I know that love and romance are for other people. And given that you're one of those people, I hope you do find it! I'm going to try from now on to just live vicariously through other people's relationships, to be happy for them because they have the thing I most want, and to realize that looking in at love from the outside is the closest I'll ever get and be happy with that. Some days are harder than others, but I really am just trying to channel my anger at my ex into gratitude for teaching me the lesson that I am not worthy of love. This way I'll never be hurt or bother anyone again! Really and truly, he did me a favor, and I am thankful to him for that. I just hope he can forgive me for taking up his time the way I did for a year. He lost a lot of time to being with me that he could have given to music, and I feel a lot of guilt and shame about that.
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