Inflikted Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 I had posted this topic in the Dating board, but I only really got one response from some one, and I was looking to hear from more people. So, I thought I'd try posting this here, and see if I can get some more responses. Anyway, there's a bit of a back story, but I'll try to keep it brief. There's a girl that I've been crazy about for a while, now (we're both 19, by the way; I just thought I'd add that, in case some things didn't make sense later in this post). She lives in a city that's not very far away at all, maybe 15-20 minutes tops. But during the school year, she goes to a college that's about 1.5-2 hours away. She's on summer break, now, and she's been in a relationship with some guy she met at her college for about 7-8 months. A few weeks ago, apparently they broke up (they were in a LDR for the summer, since he lives closer to the school), but I really don't know any more info than that (at the moment, her and I are in contact through MySpace, since it's been a little while since we've seen each other in person). I already know I have to be careful and play things slow, since I don't want to be a "rebound", nor do I want to push her too hard since she just got out of a relationship, but she returns to school in two months, and if I don't give this a go now, it'd probably be too hard to work it out when school starts. What I'm asking is, do you think this is worth pursuing, or not? Is two months enough time to get something going with her that we could move into a LDR from there? Is the distance manageable? (I know gas can be pricey) I'd really love to be in a relationship with this girl, but the idea of us fizzling out simply because of the distance and nothing more is pretty depressing... Part of me wonders if I should shelf this until she finishes college in three years, then see where she is then, but I imagine I'll probably drive myself crazy thinking about her for those three years. *Sigh* I don't know what to do. :/
confused and broken Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 This is a tough question....................could be the reason you got so few replies...... By the sounds of it you need to go for it and see if the feelings are mutual or it will drive you nuts Find out if she has feelings for you too Long distance is hard but give it a try thats all you can do by the sounds of it waiting is only putting you through hell Remember you are only 19 and at this stage of the game relationships usually don't last forever So try not to take this toooo seriously I know easier said then done and most importantly have fun if it doesn't work out i am sure you can find another girl who will drive you crazy
Author Inflikted Posted June 29, 2008 Author Posted June 29, 2008 Remember you are only 19 and at this stage of the game relationships usually don't last forever So try not to take this toooo seriously I know easier said then done and most importantly have fun if it doesn't work out i am sure you can find another girl who will drive you crazy Well, see, that's where things get a bit complicated... I didn't really go into this before, because I didn't want for people here to misconstrue it as creepy, or weird, or anything like that, but... This girl and I met when we were little kids; from the minute I met her, I just instantly felt something, some kind of connection. Though there have been some down times where she hasn't actually been in my life, my feelings never really went away. Admittedly, during the times when she wasn't a part of my life, there were other girls that I "liked", but I never pursued anything, because it didn't feel as strong as my feelings for this girl. So, the thing is, in my mind, this has been building up for 14, almost 15 years, now. If we got together, and only lasted a few months but couldn't deal with the distance, that'd just feel so... underwhelming after all that, you know? That's why I'm so nervous about pursuing this, and why I even mentioned that part of me wonders if I should wait until she finishes school. If her and I get together, I don't want it to end on an underwhelming note like that, I'd prefer it to be something that's lasting. I dunno, maybe I'm just crazy...
ls3360 Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Be careful. Assuming you have years of familiarity can backfire if the other person doesn't feel the same and doesn't have quite the level of comfort that you have.
Author Inflikted Posted June 30, 2008 Author Posted June 30, 2008 Well, I intend to take things slow, and sort of ease into it, so I don't know that that'll necessarily be too much of a problem.
confused and broken Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Well, see, that's where things get a bit complicated... I didn't really go into this before, because I didn't want for people here to misconstrue it as creepy, or weird, or anything like that, but... This girl and I met when we were little kids; from the minute I met her, I just instantly felt something, some kind of connection. Though there have been some down times where she hasn't actually been in my life, my feelings never really went away. Admittedly, during the times when she wasn't a part of my life, there were other girls that I "liked", but I never pursued anything, because it didn't feel as strong as my feelings for this girl. So, the thing is, in my mind, this has been building up for 14, almost 15 years, now. If we got together, and only lasted a few months but couldn't deal with the distance, that'd just feel so... underwhelming after all that, you know? That's why I'm so nervous about pursuing this, and why I even mentioned that part of me wonders if I should wait until she finishes school. If her and I get together, I don't want it to end on an underwhelming note like that, I'd prefer it to be something that's lasting. I dunno, maybe I'm just crazy... You are dealing with some pretty intense feelings by the sound of it and I hate to put it like this, but no matter how long you have been into this babe your feelings don't sound healthy. Somehow you need to look at this situation more realistically... She is a girl you have a huge crush on for a long long time and you are not sure whether or not she feels the same way By the sounds of it you are terrified to put your heart out on the line because you are scared it might get broken........ Reality check....there is no perfect time AND your heart might get broken... You need to be able to deal with the fact that this may or may not work
Author Inflikted Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 You are dealing with some pretty intense feelings by the sound of it and I hate to put it like this, but no matter how long you have been into this babe your feelings don't sound healthy. Somehow you need to look at this situation more realistically... She is a girl you have a huge crush on for a long long time and you are not sure whether or not she feels the same way By the sounds of it you are terrified to put your heart out on the line because you are scared it might get broken........ Reality check....there is no perfect time AND your heart might get broken... You need to be able to deal with the fact that this may or may not work Heh, well, ideally, I'm not going to overwhelm her with all of this. My "goal" is to keep my "real" feelings to myself, and try to get something going naturally. But yeah, you're right, I'm terrified of things not working out right, and that's why I'm so hesitant. Again, if this was a girl I didn't have such a history with, I wouldn't be overthinking things so much, or worrying about getting rejected, and all that. But 14, 15 years is a LONG time to not only know some one, but have feelings for them, too. I mean, that's most of my life already! @_@ I just... don't want these last 14 or so years to have been all for nothing... you know? I'd like it to end with a bang, not a whimper.
Ronni_W Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 So, the thing is, in my mind, this has been building up for 14, almost 15 years, now. The romantic in me is saying -- no, SCREAMING -- just go for it!!! :love: You are not going to know if or when or how it ends...if you don't actively facilitate a beginning. Will it be a bummer if/when it ends on an "underwhelming note"? Yes, of course. But will it be MORE of a bummer if/when you somehow come to find out that it was never going to end 'underwhelmingly'??? Or, will it be alright to end 'overwhelmingly'? Fear of an ending never won heart of fair maiden -- or something like that. Cos my big guess is that, in three years, you are going to be able to find another 'sensible' reason why THAT is not a good time to approach her. Just go for it, keep your heart open and your fingers crossed -- that's basically how the rest of us are able to do it
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