BlindleadingtheBlind Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 After nine months, I ran into the OM. I knew it was likely to happen -- it was at an annual event we both always attend. I wasn't with my husband, and I knew it was probably the best way to have a "controlled" interaction with the OM. I had told my husband about the OM way back when it happened, came clean, and we have been working on our marriage. My biggest fear was what would happen if I someday ran into the OM in my husband's presence. So, I went to this annual event to confront some fears and lay some demons to rest. The problem, of course, is none of my worst fears were realized (was frightened I would burst into tears, see him with someone and get jealous or upset, or be totally repulsed and disgusted with myself, or his friends would call me a whore, etc.). Instead, we had a really pleasant, pretty flirty, brief interaction. When it happened, I felt great. I thought to myself, finally! Closure at last! But today, while I still feel great, I'm sort of wondering if I feel great because the exchange made me remember all the things I liked about him in the first place. And so, of course, there is a part of me that really, really wants to break NC and write an email saying, "Hi, it was great running into you." I've been missing our friendship, even though I know I'm delusional in thinking what we had a friendship. Please talk some sense into me.
northstar1 Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 After nine months, I ran into the OM. I knew it was likely to happen -- it was at an annual event we both always attend. I wasn't with my husband, and I knew it was probably the best way to have a "controlled" interaction with the OM. I had told my husband about the OM way back when it happened, came clean, and we have been working on our marriage. My biggest fear was what would happen if I someday ran into the OM in my husband's presence. So, I went to this annual event to confront some fears and lay some demons to rest. The problem, of course, is none of my worst fears were realized (was frightened I would burst into tears, see him with someone and get jealous or upset, or be totally repulsed and disgusted with myself, or his friends would call me a whore, etc.). Instead, we had a really pleasant, pretty flirty, brief interaction. When it happened, I felt great. I thought to myself, finally! Closure at last! But today, while I still feel great, I'm sort of wondering if I feel great because the exchange made me remember all the things I liked about him in the first place. And so, of course, there is a part of me that really, really wants to break NC and write an email saying, "Hi, it was great running into you." I've been missing our friendship, even though I know I'm delusional in thinking what we had a friendship. Please talk some sense into me. Don't break it. He was the OM - you can't stay friends. Gotta keep that door closed if you have truly committed yourself to your husband.
Trialbyfire Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 Your focus is in the wrong place once again. IF you can't keep your focus on your husband, leave him. He deserves better.
Nevermind Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 Agreed, if you want to make your marriage work - focus on it.
wareagle Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 You need to put your OM behind you or you will ruin your marriage!!! You are fortunate to have a very understanding husband who must love you very much. You have been given a second chance from your husband so don't **** it up because of your Om! I wish one time someone could prove me wrong when I say once a cheater always a cheater! Can you do it! Whether you get back into contact with the OM because you want to be his friend (ha yeah right!) or you hope to rekindle the old flame, it will still be cheating emotionally or physically! Stay away!!! your husband deserves better!!!!
Author BlindleadingtheBlind Posted June 29, 2008 Author Posted June 29, 2008 Thank everyone. I know I am being an idiot. I am pushing on an old bruise just to push on it at this point. I think I lean towards engaging in some self-destructive behavior, and I know that breaking NC would be a very dangerous idea. I just wish I could forget about this OM. Oh well. I've survived 9 months, so I can survive many months more. But it just sucks how hard this is. I wish I were over it.
justaman99 Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 You're married. Knock it off. Exactly. How can you even THINK of being friends with a man you slept with while still married to your husband? Something else going on in your mind there?
ianandris Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Don't do your husband like that, Blind. Don't do yourself like that, either. You made some promises of your own. Have some integrity.
pickingupthepieces Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 No I did it and I t sucked.. BTW you have a loving husband.. you should be so lucky!
Recommended Posts