okflyer1 Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 my wife of 24 yrs. started getting distant a while back I have been asking if everything was ok, and allways the reply was it's ok, judy has been a pot smoker most of her adult life, i'm not, we have 2 children, I confronted her monday night and she told me she was leaving, a fight ensued, and she grabed me by the throte , told me she hated me, and proceded to grab a few things and left, we talked via e-mail tuesday and wednesday , she came over we cooked out had a burger or 2 , ans the 16 year old asked her to come home, she told him she didn't know if she could right now, we talked about seing a counsler , and she said she didn't know, then the 16 year old said she should, "it couldn't hurt mom" and she agreed, everything was serene and comforting, i noticed she was still wearing her wedding rings, she took a few more things and left, when i was cleaning up after monday i noticed a rether large joint in the ashtray in the bed room, the boys know she smokes and they don't like it either, so i showed them the joint and then i don't know why, but i just put the ashtray back, after she left wednesday night, i thought things might be ok, then thursdey i get a scathing e-mail thelling me to get my head on straight and take care of the boys she didn't know what she was going to do but she agreed to see the counslel and she would but there is a problem and she can't fix it. she was going to the lake for the week end and she would call me on monday, have a good week end and thanks,then i noticed the joint was gone, I'm so comfused, judy is my life, i'm no saint, and i know i have hurt her as much as she has me, i'm trying to figure out if judy is doing this or the drugs are, i'm losing it fast, and starting to entertain the ideas of just ending it, i can't live like this anymore, any advice would sure help, i'm so lost, and desperate........
Lizzie60 Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 WOW.. this is a pretty messed up situation... Do the sons want her to leave? I think this has been going for a long time.. and you either close your eyes when you needed to do something about it.. and now that it's all 'exploded' you're desperate and don't know what to do.. This is a very common mistake/negligence people do.. when things start to go wrong.. they don't address them right away.. then problems accumulate, grow.. and then one day..it's beyond repair.. and sh*t hits the fan and everyone looks at each other and wonder who's fault it is.. now what do we do?... I have no advice for you.. unfortunately.. my bet is that it's over... she just doesn't love you enough anymore.. Sad but true.
confused and broken Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 Because the two of you have kids you owe it to them to try and work this out and go see a counselor... This is very important....By the sounds of it she is pretty messed up... and you are in a difficult situation. Aside from seeing a counselor there is not alot you can do...... Other than do not fight in front of the kids, and stop making her look bad (ie showing them the joint). You can be mad at her ect ect ect but to the kids you need to act as if you love her and emphasize her good points and that the two of you just need space........listen to your children take care of them that is where you need to put your energy right now Situations like these can be devastating to children try to lessen the impact And yeah it sucks ending up with someone dysfunctional...
LostHusband Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 Sounds like she has some anger issues. I highly doubt that is a side effect of the marijuana - I've known quite a few "pot-heads" and none of them are violent or angry, they are a pretty mellow lot in general. Ever seen a couple of stoned people get into a violent fight? I sure haven't. If she's been smoking it most of her adult life one joint isn't going to do much to her but make her think about stuff - though it also can cause paranoia, which goes away after the drug starts to wear off. Now if she has gotten into some other drugs like meth or something - those can and will screw up a persons brain and they can become unthinking and very violent. Though also in my experience pot is not a gateway drug. To me it just sounds like she's angry because she feels trapped in a marriage where she no longer feels the love like she use to and wants out - and it is causing her frustration.
Curmudgeon Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 ...i get a scathing e-mail thelling me to get my head on straight and take care of the boys she didn't know what she was going to do... Between the drug and the physical abuse, she is NOT someone you need directly in your life, nor do your sons who are on the fast-approach to manhood anyway. If it was me (and my former marriage failed after 25 years) I'd cut my losses, take care of myself and my children and let her get on with her life and lifestyle that aren't compatible with yours anyway. Not saying you should divorce her, yet. Just saying that you should start living as if the relationship is ended and if she gets her head on right, perhaps consider giving it another try but with clear and unambiguous boundaries and deal-breakers.
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