me003 Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 If a MM has had various long term affairs, W knows of 2. What could be SOME of the reasons why a MM 1st get away with so many affairs and continue to have more? MM affairs and both E & PA.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 How does he get away with it? Believable sounding reasons for his absences, and enough covering of his ass. Add a BS who either knows and doesn't care, or suspects but doesn't want to know and you have a MM who can get away with it. Why would he have multiples? To satisfy the various needs/wants he has.
Lizzie60 Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 What could be SOME of the reasons why a MM 1st get away with so many affairs and continue to have more? Why he's getting away with it.. could be because : 1) W knows and she's OK with it.. 2) W knows but she scared to face it on her own, so she turns away.. 3) he's good at hiding his As.. 4) he loves the variety.. 5) he has needs that one woman alone can't fulfill... there are multitude of reasons.. but these are the first ones that came to mind.
John Who Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 He gets away with it because he probably has never faced any consequences from W. He knows he can go have A's and W is still going to remain by his side,so why stop having the A's right? What leads him to these A's maybe he has not fixed what was wrong in his M to begin with,because he's to busy with ow,while W is depressed at home. If the W know's of all these A's and still stays with him,thats your answer right there he is only getting away with what W is allowing him to get away with,sure she is'nt making him cheat,but she is'nt exactly doing anything about it either, she's still with him is'nt she?
White Flower Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 What could be SOME of the reasons why a MM 1st get away with so many affairs and continue to have more? Why he's getting away with it.. could be because : 1) W knows and she's OK with it.. 2) W knows but she scared to face it on her own, so she turns away.. 3) he's good at hiding his As.. 4) he loves the variety.. 5) he has needs that one woman alone can't fulfill... there are multitude of reasons.. but these are the first ones that came to mind. I agree with the above but you forgot to mention ego. A serial cheater has an ego like no other and that will always be his priority. No woman comes before that, not even the mother of his children or the woman he claims to currently love.
White Flower Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 He gets away with it because he probably has never faced any consequences from W. He knows he can go have A's and W is still going to remain by his side,so why stop having the A's right? What leads him to these A's maybe he has not fixed what was wrong in his M to begin with,because he's to busy with ow,while W is depressed at home. If the W know's of all these A's and still stays with him,thats your answer right there he is only getting away with what W is allowing him to get away with,sure she is'nt making him cheat,but she is'nt exactly doing anything about it either, she's still with him is'nt she? Exactly. If she digs deep enough she will find the truth, but that truth might be too scary. To lose the home, the benefits, the lifestyle, the retirement plan and all the vacations and cushy little extras enjoyed each day, well, putting up with a WS is just a little acceptable especially when you pretend it is not happening.
OWoman Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 I agree with the above but you forgot to mention ego. A serial cheater has an ego like no other and that will always be his priority. No woman comes before that, not even the mother of his children or the woman he claims to currently love. ... or insufficient ego, that he feels the need to make up for it elsewhere, to prove himself adequate. I think another reason - or combination of reasons - is opportunity, coupled with weak self-control. Some people are simply exposed to more temptation than others - either situationally, or because they're hot and sexy and attract that kind of attention to themselves. Couple that with either a sense of entitlement (related to WF's point about ego) or poor self-control, weak boundaries, insufficient groundedness - and you have someone whose hand can't stay out of the cookie jar. But in part I also "blame" social stricture for this - there's so much hype about "the one", finding that perfect fit with that perfect partner who will be everything to you forever and always - that when someone finds out their M is not like that, they feel cheated and feel the need to make it up elsewhere. And because of the prohibition on stepping outside of the M-that's-supposed-to-fulfill-every-need, it gets driven into dark hidden As as the search continues for some other perfect "one" to fulfill all those needs. If there was a little more realism upfront about what a single partner can and can't provide, and a little more tolerance of where else those needs could legitimately be met, there'd be far less of this continual hunting, striving, for the ultimate "one" who will make all the needs and longings disappear.
nadiaj2727 Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 He is selfish and only loves himself. He is good at lying and leading a double life. His wife loves him and trusts him, thinks he would never do such things. Perhaps she is naive/ gullible. And his OW are somewhere between him and his wife... either they are selfish serial OW who don't give a d&mn or they love him and are trusting and naive/ gullible.
Lookingforward Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 Exactly. If she digs deep enough she will find the truth, but that truth might be too scary. To lose the home, the benefits, the lifestyle, the retirement plan and all the vacations and cushy little extras enjoyed each day, well, putting up with a WS is just a little acceptable especially when you pretend it is not happening. or as one I know of said "I don't intened to be 'one of those divorced women'", so will do whatever is necessary to forestall that if possible, even if it requires them to live with someone that no longer loves them and from the sound of that quote they don't love either.
White Flower Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 or as one I know of said "I don't intened to be 'one of those divorced women'", so will do whatever is necessary to forestall that if possible, even if it requires them to live with someone that no longer loves them and from the sound of that quote they don't love either. Yes, love is always nice to have, but does it pay for the vacations?
OWoman Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 Yes, love is always nice to have, but does it pay for the vacations? Well, mine did :lmao:
Lookingforward Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 Yes, love is always nice to have, but does it pay for the vacations? Personally I'd rather have a "vacation" in my own living room or backyard and know I was truly loved than a loveless trip to anywhere else no matter how 5 star - but that's just moi
OWoman Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 Personally I'd rather have a "vacation" in my own living room or backyard well, they say a change is as good as a holiday and the bedroom does get a bit, well, not quite boring, but there are so many other places for hot nookie, and living rooms and back yards, why not?
Lookingforward Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 If a MM has had various long term affairs, W knows of 2. What could be SOME of the reasons why a MM 1st get away with so many affairs and continue to have more? MM affairs and both E & PA. Some men are so broken inside that NO woman (W or OW) has any chance of "fixing" them. With these men it's not the actual woman per se it's any warm body that makes them feel better for a time. They may be getting away with it because they are great actors or consumate liars or even that the W knows but will overlook it for the purpose of retaining the status quo of a lifestyle she is happy with, who knows, and honestly, who cares ? Just avoid this type at all costs............and the reasons won't be a concern to you.
White Flower Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 If a MM has had various long term affairs, W knows of 2. What could be SOME of the reasons why a MM 1st get away with so many affairs and continue to have more? MM affairs and both E & PA. me003, how do you know the W knows of 2? Did you talk with her? It could also be that he is addicted to sex and his W is not so she allows him to go out and fulfill his needs. She probably suspects there are many others but is only willing to admit to 2 because it makes her feel better. Maybe the M is more open than suggested?
White Flower Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Personally I'd rather have a "vacation" in my own living room or backyard and know I was truly loved than a loveless trip to anywhere else no matter how 5 star - but that's just moi C'est moi aussi;)
White Flower Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Some men are so broken inside that NO woman (W or OW) has any chance of "fixing" them. With these men it's not the actual woman per se it's any warm body that makes them feel better for a time. They may be getting away with it because they are great actors or consumate liars or even that the W knows but will overlook it for the purpose of retaining the status quo of a lifestyle she is happy with, who knows, and honestly, who cares ? Just avoid this type at all costs............and the reasons won't be a concern to you. And this is perfected to ensure there is always more. It is hard to avoid this type though when you've never met one before.
Author me003 Posted June 30, 2008 Author Posted June 30, 2008 He is selfish and only loves himself. He is good at lying and leading a double life. His wife loves him and trusts him, thinks he would never do such things. Perhaps she is naive/ gullible. And his OW are somewhere between him and his wife... either they are selfish serial OW who don't give a d&mn or they love him and are trusting and naive/ gullible. Wife has proof of 2 affairs. Not sure if she is aware of any others.
John Who Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 My best friend of 7yr's has had 2 PA and 1 EA on his W she knew about all of them. My point is he continued to have these A's because she was allowing him too,she never left him nor did he have to deal with consequences. I asked him after my W left me for having a EA,how does his W deal with it and accept the A's and how can he continue to have them,he said well W and I have drifted apart I have these A's because of what I am laking at home I know I can go outside of my M and my wife won't leave me. After his last A I guess his W was'nt going to put up with it anymore because she left him and man did he get a rude awakening he told me he took his W for granted and he realizes he does love her after several months of being gone she decided to work on the M with him and went back home. It has been a little bit over 1 year since they got back together,when I see him he seems very happy now he tells me he never wants to hurt his W again the way he did and I believe him. What I am trying to say OP W needs to stop allowing this to happen to her if a person know's they can cheat and still keep W and have no consequences will chances are they will continue to cheat,yeah he has a ego because W and OW have been giving him the ego, it's time to shoot down that ego.
Author me003 Posted June 30, 2008 Author Posted June 30, 2008 John Who Nice to hear from a guys point of view.
Lookingforward Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 And this is perfected to ensure there is always more. It is hard to avoid this type though when you've never met one before. That's true and lord knows there are plenty of this type amongst the SG out there as well, but once bitten one starts to exercise a little more caution. There are always red flags enough to go by
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