Muse003 Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 So here is the story. My ex and I were together for 5 years, 4 of those we lived together (note: if this makes a difference, we are young – only 23!). As far as the basic relationship essentials – we have/had it all. The same values, goals, morals, sense of humor, and basic approach at life. We both have good jobs and our career paths well defined. When we met, we literally would talk all night long almost every single day and even as the relationship progressed, we were able to connect in such a deep way. Everything was great (including the sex!). We both agreed (and still do) that our love and time together was the happiest time in our lives. Well, since around January of this year, he had become more and more distant. He stopped saying he loved me as much (unless I said it first) and stopped saying the sweet things like “you are beautiful” etc. Well, finally around the mid to end of April, I confronted him about it and asked him what he wanted. At that point, I was shocked to find out he wanted to break up and said he didn’t love me anymore. He said he just wants to be alone. Now, since then I have been able to work through my issues and realize why he felt alienated by me. I worked from home and hated my job and situation in general so when he returned home from a very stressful 11-hour a day job, I would be there and would try to just suck the happiness out of him. My life became all about him and my happiness was reliant completely on him as well. Well, since this realization I have quit my job that made me miserable, started back on a fitness program, met some new friends, and in general reformulated my life goals to not be based around him. So back to the confusing part. We broke up and here we are, 2 months later and he still lives with me. Yes, he finally put some effort out there and got an apartment, but why would he say he wants to be alone, yet not leave right away? We also have continued to have sex the entire time. Another thing is that he still holds me at night or if I am upset. When asked if we have a chance in the future he said “Yes definitely, don’t worry we do”. Just last night we had a great time watching movies and talking about things and laughing. He even lightly kissed my neck while giving me a big hug. So, now that he is definitely moving out in the next week, my heart is breaking all over again. In a way I want you all to tell me that it sounds like we do have hope in the future, but I don’t know if that is ever possible? Do you think he is just going through a phase? I don’t plan on banking on it, but it would be nice to know that it is possible I guess. Anyway – what do you guys think of this??? Thank you all!
Ronni_W Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 but why would he say he wants to be alone, yet not leave right away? We also have continued to have sex the entire time. Another thing is that he still holds me at night or if I am upset. When asked if we have a chance in the future he said “Yes definitely, don’t worry we do”. Just last night we had a great time .... He even lightly kissed my neck while giving me a big hug. It sometimes takes time to 'go into action', even when one has decided the next step. Having sex in the meantime isn't necessarily an indication that he wants to be/stay in relationship with you. Holding someone who is upset is a natural thing to do (unless one is made of stone.) That said. You obviously figured out you role in the break-up...but was that HIS reason for ending things? If so, and you can 100% convince him that your changes are permanent --and you won't get all needy/dependent the NEXT time you have a personal crisis of work or family or whatever-- then, yes, maybe you do have a real chance in the future. Explore it further with him by going way deeper than just "do we have a future chance?" -- basically, tell him about the stuff that you posted: your realizations, and working to grow and make personal changes, and especially about your desire for a second chance. Much luck .
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