snide responses to porn...don't get mad guys

[Stockalone]

But to some extent, that is what most men seem to want. They don't want other men staring at his woman's goods but it's okay if he stares at other women's goods.

 

How much a man dislikes other guys looking at his women's goods depends on how possessive, jealous he is. And that differs from guy to guy.

 

Staring at other women isn't o.k., but a quick glance here and there at other women sometimes happens. It's not even something we men do consciously. I make an effort not to stare, but I am not always aware when I look, it's nearly as automatic as breathing. That doesn't make it right, but it really isn't on purpose.

 

 

It was enough ogling that I noticed and felt uncomfortable.

 

Poke him in the ribs and he should snap out of it.

 

 

Okay, you don't but there are alot of men that do.

 

Okay, but again, for alot of men it does.

 

No argument here, most women in Hollywood look good (but a bit too thin fot my taste), but that doesn't mean I will be more attracted to them than to the girl next door who is different, but gorgeous nonetheless. If I am attrated to her, I don't bloody care if she has cellulite (like my first gf) or has a bit more meat on her bones (like my last gf).

 

 

Well I have been attracted to "average joes" and not been attracted to "hot guys" and vice versa, it depends on the person. I think that is true for alot of women. We don't have the same physical standards that men do about men's bodies that men do about women's bodies. But yes, maybe sometimes we expect better emotional standards from men.

 

I guess for us men it is that way because we are more often than not still supposed to make the first move. And when you have no idea what kind of character/personality a woman has, we will go for the one that we find interesting/attractive in the hopes that she will have a good personality too.

 

 

Well, at least you regonize it.

 

Well, my family isn't physically affectionate (no hugs or kisses), so I had no idea that many women want their man to be affectionate. It is still something I struggle with but I have come to appreciate some of those little gestures.

 

And empathy (or using it) is something that most men avoid to some degree. Men are brought up to be strong and not act like some whining wimp. Sometimes it is also necessary and helpful to not be that close to one's emotions. As a soldier you are of no use to anyone when you fall apart at the sight of a fallen comrade or a mass grave, especially if you have men expecting you to lead them. It is also a way to protect myself and you can always throw up later and cry later.

 

I am not a heartless bastard though. I cried when they shot Bambi's mother, and I have cried a few times since. But I will cry at home or someplace else where no one will see it, certainly not in public.

 

 

I think alot of men do since men are always reminding us that they don't even really have the chance to run away with one so we shouldn't worry. But that's like saying that if they did, they would which is insulting. Or that they don't expect their women to look as good/hot...which again, is somewhat insulting that they fall pray to the fantasy that isn't even real. Men say the understand the difference between fantasy and reailty but that doesn't stop men from wanting the fantasy to be reality. That's the cold hard truth.

 

So you are telling me that some women stay with a men that implie that they would leave them for a porn star. That is insane, why would a woman put up with that.

 

Come on, many guys would never touch a porn star even if they could, there is no telling how many deseases she has been exposed to in the recent past. Ewww.

 

But sadly yes, there are also men who would just do that and would be all over the porn star. But I refuse to believe that is the majority of men, that just doesn't seem right.

 

Regarding fantasy vs. reality. Buying into the Hollywood or porn star hype is pretty stupid, at least I think so. Take a regular girl and let the hairsylists, make up artists, etc. work on her. Add to that jewelry that suits her and a custom-made dress and she will look stunning.

 

Then look at some of the pictures of the women in Hollywood when a paparazzi got to them in a not so perfect moment and a lot of them will look just as mortal as the rest of us.

 

 

Well that's good. But even if you do understand that, will it effect how you use porn? Because I think in most cases men might understand but they don't completely care because their desire for porn out weighs.

 

No, not really. I never watched porn when I had a relationship. For one thing, I don't want porn if I can have sex with a woman I deeply care about. But I also understand the conflict potential, so why risk the relationship and make that woman uncomfortable when there is absolutely nothing to be gained by watching porn.

 

I don't see myself giving up porn while I am single though. When you have been single for years, it's nice to look at a naked women from time to time, even if it's only porn.

 

 

I think men that need "variety" are insecure.

 

Some may be insecure, others will do it because they can.

 

 

Most men, to some degree are influnced by their porn consumption. It's a fact of lie and a fact of advertising.

 

I agree but you don't turn into a misogynist SOB unless you allow it to happen.

 

 

But most of the time you said that it was.

 

Yes, I think most porn is degrading, but not all of it.

 

 

Of course not. its the way women are treated in porn, the unrealistic standards men buy into from porn that get to me. I understand why men want to think about wome nwhile he masturbates but it is over whelming the things men expect women to just be "cool" with.

 

You don't have to put up with it if it bothers you. I live my life the way I see fit and if other people avoid me because of what I have done, I am o.k. with that. I do the same thing with people whose choices I don't like.

 

 

And is he being disrespectful to women in general since you said most porn is degrading to women?

 

From my point of view, yes he would be disrespecting women in general if he watches certain porn and one of the reasons he watches it is because he wants to see women being disrespected and used and also thinks that is how things should be in real life.

 

But there are also situations where I don't think the guy is being disrespectful.

 

It's a fine line to walk for sure, but I think that there is a difference between enjoying the situations where the woman in the movie is being used and disrespected and watching the same movie without focusing and/or agreeing with the way certain things are portrayed in that movie.

 

 

Well you are one of the first men to be honest and acknowledge that that is the case. Men want wome nto be vulnerable with them but how are we suppose to be when men like to use women like that?

 

If men are so obsessed with opressing and disrespecting women, I think that would reflect on other parts of their life as well and ultimately lead to women avoiding them.

 

I guess I have difficulties picturing a man that "secretly" wants to use women like a disposable toy, but is still capable of maintaining a relationship with a woman who wouldn't put up with disrespect.

 

Do you think that this is what most men do? Keep up a fake front in order to keep their woman happy and then live out their woman hating fantasies through porn?

 

 

 

It's all over this post and my last one, the message.

 

It is a very bleak outlook you have. I am not saying you are completely off with some of the things you say. But it almost sounds like you expect every guy to be a misogynist in disguise.

 

 

I don't but it would be nice if men didn't creat double standards about what is acceptable in their sexuality but what shouldnt be acceptable in a woman's.

 

I still have a hard time considering looking at porn and sending out pictures to be completely equal.

 

I can think of it as comparable, but then I wouldn't call it a double standard. For a double standard, it would have to be the same thing, not just comparable.

 

Whether it's a double standard, or a difference of opinion doesn't really matter. A couple will either reach a compromise or will have to come to terms with the fact that they are incompatible.

[Jersey Shortie]

RubySlippers:

 

Yes, and men usually prefer to look and women usually prefer to show. Your average guy is more turned on by looking than showing, and your average woman is more turned on by showing than looking. When you're out with your woman checking out other women, other men are checking out your woman. That's just the way it works.

 

Making the argument that looking is OK while showing is not is male-centric.

 

SunnySideUp said it best:

 

a man looks at a woman naked online. if both parties are in a relationship, the woman is in the wrong, but the man is not.

 

how in the world is that fair?

 

I agree.

----------------------------------------------------------------

When a man watches porn, he as only exposing his eyes to someone that doesn't know he exist. No one knows outside of the house but him. (Men too are in the porn which women say ignorant to)...

 

What happens in a situation when a man is in public and he is exposing his eyes to someone that does know he exists then?

 

 

When a woman posts a nude picture of herself she has exposed her entire body to the public. When he walks out of the house; what he knew was sacred instead their home, only to him, is now publicize.

 

I do get that. I completely get why a man wouldn't want his SO to post naked pictures of herself all over the place. At the same time, while I do understand why a man would not like his woman posting sexy pictures of herself, I also consider men to be unfair to say that it's okay for him to look at other women but not have other men look at his woman.

 

I also feel that when a man brings porn into our home and into our relationship, that what was once private and suppose to between us, has now brought a whole other outside world inside. A world where women are for the most part, aren't treated with respect, aren't even respected by the men viewing her while the get something from her, and that he is buying into ideals that I try very hard every day to fight so that I can feel good with what God gave me. I feel that I loose a piece of my "sanctuary" with him when he choosing to bring porn into the home and relationship. Just as a man might feel that he has lost something sacred when a woman displays something that he feels is only meant for him. I also feel that he is giving something to other women that is suppose to be only meant for me. I can't be vulnerable with him because he is brought something from the outside that makes me second guess him. I might not even feel liek being vulnerable with him after knowing what he was viewing. Porn can turn men on and it can turn women off and turn women off to their man.

 

How do you feel when he looks at the guys body too, which is inevitable? Do you still think, "I'm the only one he should be seeing naked"?

 

I could care less if he looks at the guys body because I know most men aren't looking at the guys body or thinking about the guys body. And I am not in competition with men anyway. I am in competition with other women. That plays a factor into it. And alot of the porn stadards show us that men aren't really happy with real female bodies and make us woman realize how much are men must find us lacking.

 

To think nowadays that you are the only woman that he will ever see necked again is laughable.....

 

Then if a man thinks he is the only man that will ever see his woman naked, that is also laughable.

[luvstarved]

First of all thank you mental traveller for getting my irreverent sense of humor...

I really did not intend this to become another pissing contest but wanted to add a few more thoughts.

 

Tanbark says he indulges when he has to go without. I don't think many women would seriously object to this. Why the hell should I care about that?

 

What bothers me about porn is when a woman is disrespected or deprived as a result and I think that is what most women object to. And, if that were not happening to a lot of women, you would not see so many hyperemotional posts about it.

 

Being lied to about it bugs us. The thought that it is some out of control urge where a guy is going for it every night or every time we go to the grocery store bugs us...the thought that as we are sitting around at home having an ostensibly normal pleasant day, he is planning his next opportunity or reliving his last one seems obsessive and low class to us. The thought that he holds in contempt the very people that sexually stimulates him disgusts us. When the fantasy desensitizes him to the less perfect and less slavish aspects of us and renders us sexually uninteresting, we are angered and frustrated and our self-esteem is impacted.

 

And when he decides all by his little lonesome that we disapprove of it simply because we are bitter insecure prudes, and not because he has made it an inordinately important part of his life that is taking away from what we need and value in a relationship, and defends his right to it as carrying more weight than our objections, we...want change or we want out. And when the response is to deny it is going on, or make it an issue of our insecurity, or make empty promises about making changes, we feel insulted and betrayed.

 

Tanbark's supposed use of porn sounds completely normal and acceptable. But that doesn't make use of porn completely normal and acceptable in all cases.

 

Of course, what is normal and acceptable varies from couple to couple but there are some behaviors that are understandably and almost universally considered counterproductive to a healthy relationship. And plenty of men exhibit them.

 

Using a visual image to facilitate masturbation occasionally is not something I think it is reasonable to get indignant about. It's the obsessive stuff that's irritating.

 

I understand sexual boredom in a LTR. Guess what? Women suffer from it too. I just think working on making your mutual sex life better through open minded communication would be a better approach than abandoning it in favor of a fantasy world. That's not to say masturbation and fantasy end...just that they don't take over or intrude to the point that women like me start making ranting posts like this one about it...

[tanbark813]

Being lied to about it bugs us. The thought that it is some out of control urge where a guy is going for it every night or every time we go to the grocery store bugs us...the thought that as we are sitting around at home having an ostensibly normal pleasant day, he is planning his next opportunity or reliving his last one seems obsessive and low class to us. The thought that he holds in contempt the very people that sexually stimulates him disgusts us. When the fantasy desensitizes him to the less perfect and less slavish aspects of us and renders us sexually uninteresting, we are angered and frustrated and our self-esteem is impacted.

 

And when he decides all by his little lonesome that we disapprove of it simply because we are bitter insecure prudes, and not because he has made it an inordinately important part of his life that is taking away from what we need and value in a relationship, and defends his right to it as carrying more weight than our objections, we...want change or we want out. And when the response is to deny it is going on, or make it an issue of our insecurity, or make empty promises about making changes, we feel insulted and betrayed.

 

This, and the resulting feelings on the matter, I can totally understand. In situations like that I feel for the woman in question.

[Jersey Shortie]

What bothers me about porn is when a woman is disrespected or deprived as a result and I think that is what most women object to. And, if that were not happening to a lot of women, you would not see so many hyperemotional posts about it.

 

Being lied to about it bugs us. The thought that it is some out of control urge where a guy is going for it every night or every time we go to the grocery store bugs us...the thought that as we are sitting around at home having an ostensibly normal pleasant day, he is planning his next opportunity or reliving his last one seems obsessive and low class to us. The thought that he holds in contempt the very people that sexually stimulates him disgusts us. When the fantasy desensitizes him to the less perfect and less slavish aspects of us and renders us sexually uninteresting, we are angered and frustrated and our self-esteem is impacted.

 

 

Well said. I think that unfortunetly, this is what most men do. I will also add that not only is it disrespectful to your So, but porn is direspectful to women in general. How do men expect us to respect them and be open to them if they engage with a medium that a man wouldn't want his own mother/sister/daughter in? I find it to be a vailed question.

[SunnySideUp]

Yes, and men usually prefer to look and women usually prefer to show. Your average guy is more turned on by looking than showing, and your average woman is more turned on by showing than looking. When you're out with your woman checking out other women, other men are checking out your woman. That's just the way it works.

 

Making the argument that looking is OK while showing is not is male-centric.

 

That's a REALLY good way to put it, Ruby Slippers.

 

Yes, looking at and being looked at are NOT the same actions. YES, the laws for such things differ. BUT I want to know WHY they differ. I want to know how we got to this point in our thinking/reasoning, and what sort of factors influenced this way of thinking. I have a hunch that this way of thinking developed from a male point-of-view, which is why I've chosen to explore it. The fact that there are laws defending the issue makes it all the more interesting, because it's something that's been accepted on a societal level. That doesn't mean it's right. Just because less than 100 years ago the law said women couldn't vote didn't make it right. I think using "the law" as a defense for what's right and what's wrong is a cop-out and a way to just end a discussion you don't want to have.

 

Being looked at and looking at are not the same actions.

the big "BUT" here is that these two actions naturally differ between the two sexes and affect them differently. That's the point.

 

I finally thought of an analogy. Imagine some 3rd world unenlightened country somewhere that had some rule (formal or informal) that if you're married, it is wrong or bad to receive a part of another person's body into your own, besides your spouse's. It is considered dirty, unclean, and in poor taste to do so. But say that it was considered ok to put a part of your body into another person's even if you were married, because, of course, putting a part of your body into another person's isn't dirty or in poor taste. You are not inviting another person into your body, you're just doing it to someone else. Such a law would obviously limit women in their behavior more than men. The action isn't the same (putting it in or having somone put it in) but that doesn't make the standard fair.

[tanbark813]

I think using "the law" as a defense for what's right and what's wrong is a cop-out and a way to just end a discussion you don't want to have.

 

Actually it's an attempt to end this thread. The discussion has already been had. The men are generally just explaining why they think how they do. Some of the women are explaining why they think how they do and then trying to change others' minds.

 

I finally thought of an analogy. Imagine some 3rd world unenlightened country somewhere that had some rule (formal or informal) that if you're married, it is wrong or bad to receive a part of another person's body into your own, besides your spouse's. It is considered dirty, unclean, and in poor taste to do so. But say that it was considered ok to put a part of your body into another person's even if you were married, because, of course, putting a part of your body into another person's isn't dirty or in poor taste. You are not inviting another person into your body, you're just doing it to someone else. Such a law would obviously limit women in their behavior more than men. The action isn't the same (putting it in or having somone put it in) but that doesn't make the standard fair.

 

The problem with that analogy is that it's a singular act. Both rules apply to the single act of a man putting part of himself into a woman. Looking at porn and displaying nude pics are separate acts (assuming the man is not looking at nude pics of his SO in which case I think we'd all agree that is fine).

[SunnySideUp]

Actually it's an attempt to end this thread. The discussion has already been had. The men are generally just explaining why they think how they do. Some of the women are explaining why they think how they do and then trying to change others' minds.

 

 

 

The problem with that analogy is that it's a singular act. Both rules apply to the single act of a man putting part of himself into a woman. Looking at porn and displaying nude pics are separate acts (assuming the man is not looking at nude pics of his SO in which case I think we'd all agree that is fine).

 

saying that looking at porn and displaying nude pics are separate acts does not make them so. Both the issue at hand and the analogy are two sides of the same act. They can both be thought of as "one act" or "two separate acts" depending on the context you put them in.

 

Just because there's not one word for it as well understood as something like "sex" doesn't mean they're different. You could say that receiving part of someone's body into yours and putting a part of your body into someone else's are separate acts, especially if you think about a married couple engaging in these acts with people besides their SO. The husband "puts it in" another woman and the wife "receives" another man's body. In that example, they are separate acts. When the husband and wife are together you could say that it is one act.

 

If you think about the husband and wife together, when they're intimate, the man can look at the woman's body. Thought of this way, it's one action. When you separate the married couple, you separate the acts. The man can go "look" and perform his side of that action by himself, and it becomes considered a distinct, separate part of the action in question. The woman can go "be looked at" and perform her side of that action by herself, and I would argue it becomes a separate, distinct part of the action in question. I still think that the two sides of this action should be regarded equally, even though they can be seen as two different acts when not done in a real-life, in-the-bedroom couple context.

[AllThatIAm]

I have been following this thread for a while and its very amusing if I relate it to me. My husband goes on and on about my watching porn as well. I am not addicted to porn but I enjoy watching it much to his chagrin. But he hates it because he is constantly comparing himself to the actors. Which I think is the case for most women.

Do I love him less cos of porn NO! I however hate that we dont have sex often. So I guess the frequency of porn watching correlates with how much sex people have.

More sex=Less Porn

Less Sex=More porn

However that is just from where I stand. I cant make sweeping statements about all men and women. which happens to be the case on this particular topic.

[SunnySideUp]

The problem with that analogy is that it's a singular act. Both rules apply to the single act of a man putting part of himself into a woman.

 

I forgot to mention that this way of looking at sex, as a single act, very subtly implies the action has one direction. If you look at it from both people's point of view, you could consider sex in itself to be two actions.... the woman receiving a man's body (which is a consensual action) and the man putting his body into the woman. They are doing something together, two actions that when put together have a single word to define them.

[tanbark813]

saying that looking at porn and displaying nude pics are separate acts does not make them so. Both the issue at hand and the analogy are two sides of the same act. They can both be thought of as "one act" or "two separate acts" depending on the context you put them in.

 

Just because there's not one word for it as well understood as something like "sex" doesn't mean they're different. You could say that receiving part of someone's body into yours and putting a part of your body into someone else's are separate acts, especially if you think about a married couple engaging in these acts with people besides their SO. The husband "puts it in" another woman and the wife "receives" another man's body. In that example, they are separate acts. When the husband and wife are together you could say that it is one act.

 

If you think about the husband and wife together, when they're intimate, the man can look at the woman's body. Thought of this way, it's one action. When you separate the married couple, you separate the acts. The man can go "look" and perform his side of that action by himself, and it becomes considered a distinct, separate part of the action in question. The woman can go "be looked at" and perform her side of that action by herself, and I would argue it becomes a separate, distinct part of the action in question. I still think that the two sides of this action should be regarded equally, even though they can be seen as two different acts when not done in a real-life, in-the-bedroom couple context.

 

Okay, in addition to my request for a beating-a-dead-horse smiley, I'd also like to request a splitting-hairs smiley. Both are applicable to this post.

[SunnySideUp]

Okay, in addition to my request for a beating-a-dead-horse smiley, I'd also like to request a splitting-hairs smiley. Both are applicable to this post.

 

lol. It does seem funny when you say that. Still though... Do you think it's possible that the way we view certain actions and words helps shape our morality? I do... I think if you pick the language apart it can help identify the problem.

 

You implied you wish the thread would end but you're still posting. That gets a smiley from me

[SunnySideUp]

tanbark after thinking about your post for a few minutes I realize that yes, it is a "splitting-hairs" sort of conversation, which to me doesn't diminish the importance of it. But you made me realize that I'm used to being in situations where these sort of conversations happen. That being said, this discussion board is probably not the appropriate place for such a discussion. I took the original post in a very different direction, appropriate maybe for a some humanities journal but definitely not a relationship forum. So thank you for making me realize that.

[tanbark813]

tanbark after thinking about your post for a few minutes I realize that yes, it is a "splitting-hairs" sort of conversation, which to me doesn't diminish the importance of it. But you made me realize that I'm used to being in situations where these sort of conversations happen. That being said, this discussion board is probably not the appropriate place for such a discussion. I took the original post in a very different direction, appropriate maybe for a some humanities journal but definitely not a relationship forum. So thank you for making me realize that.

 

Happy to help.

[Mr. Lucky]

ISo I guess the frequency of porn watching correlates with how much sex people have.

More sex=Less Porn

Less Sex=More porn

I have my own opinions, but why do you think that correlation exists ?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Mustang Sally]

What I'd like to know (because I really have no idea) - and I hope I can trust that any male responses to this will be unabashedly and completely honest and objective - is how would men really feel about their wives/gfs looking at other men (not gonna include looking at women in this hypothetical) in porn and masturbating to it on a rather regular and routine basis?

[tanbark813]

What I'd like to know (because I really have no idea) - and I hope I can trust that any male responses to this will be unabashedly and completely honest and objective - is how would men really feel about their wives/gfs looking at other men (not gonna include looking at women in this hypothetical) in porn and masturbating to it on a rather regular and routine basis?

 

I guess it depends on what you mean by regular and routine. If that meant whenever we couldn't see each other for the day, I wouldn't care. If it meant right in front of me and in lieu of humping me, then I would have a problem but that's mainly for choosing something over me rather than the porn itself.

[Mustang Sally]

Thanks, TB, for that response.

(I know I don't have to second-guess your honesty or objectivity. Thank you for that. )

 

What I mean by "regular and routine" is she masturbates a couple of times per day...say in the morning before (or during) her shower, and again at night before bedtime, or after you nod off. It doesn't interfere with you getting sex with her 4 to 5 times per week on-the-average, let's say. She uses the porn (and has informed you that she uses it because she enjoys looking at a variety of men and their genitals to become aroused) over 75% of the time.

[Walk]

tanbark after thinking about your post for a few minutes I realize that yes, it is a "splitting-hairs" sort of conversation, which to me doesn't diminish the importance of it. But you made me realize that I'm used to being in situations where these sort of conversations happen. That being said, this discussion board is probably not the appropriate place for such a discussion. I took the original post in a very different direction, appropriate maybe for a some humanities journal but definitely not a relationship forum. So thank you for making me realize that.

 

Aaah... don't stop. I was really enjoying reading your posts.

[Mr. Lucky]

What I mean by "regular and routine" is she masturbates a couple of times per day...say in the morning before (or during) her shower, and again at night before bedtime, or after you nod off. It doesn't interfere with you getting sex with her 4 to 5 times per week on-the-average, let's say. She uses the porn (and has informed you that she uses it because she enjoys looking at a variety of men and their genitals to become aroused) over 75% of the time.

If I wanted and was getting sex 4-5 times per week, I wouldn't care if she had a lifesize and anatomically correct Justin Timberlake statue next to the bed. And I think that's part of how many man and women see this differently. Men see their partner watching porn and think "She's really wishing she could do that with me". Women see their partner watching porn and think "He's really wishing he could do that with her".

 

In your example, I'd see myself as the beneficiary of all that sexual energy...

 

Mr. Lucky

[tanbark813]

What I mean by "regular and routine" is she masturbates a couple of times per day...say in the morning before (or during) her shower, and again at night before bedtime, or after you nod off. It doesn't interfere with you getting sex with her 4 to 5 times per week on-the-average, let's say. She uses the porn (and has informed you that she uses it because she enjoys looking at a variety of men and their genitals to become aroused) over 75% of the time.

 

Well my current gf actually has a really high sex drive. Mine is healthy but she definitely outpaces me. We have sex about 2x a day on average during the days I see her (generally all weekend and a weekday here or there). On top of that it's not uncommon for her to masturbate once or twice a day. Sometimes it's when I'm in the bathroom. Other times it's when we're on the couch watching TV and pretty much anything could be on. Sometimes I help her out and sometimes she just does her thing. Either way it's hot.

 

She never uses porn when she masturbates at my place. (We've only watched it once together which I really enjoyed and she seemed to as well.) If she did use porn while she were masturbating I don't think it would bother me. I think I would just get more turned on. As long as I'm not being denied sex, I think we'd be good to go.

[luvstarved]

The original post never did go in the intended direction but oh well.

 

I deal with logic in my work all day every day and so I do like to see logical arguments being presented and enjoyed the one about the give/receive side of porn.

 

I would not argue the point much because I do see the logical argument SSU presented, but I don't think it is entirely solid. There are other factors that were disregarded that I think are pertinent

 

- Looking is private. Showing is public.

- Looking is for getting personal sexual release. Showing is for extracting that from others.

- The notion that women get an equivalent sexual charge out of it sounds bogus to me. They might feel naughty and titillated, but I doubt that many masturbate thinking of it briefly then go about their day.

- I doubt that women would get addicted to this sort of behavior and find other sexual outlets unappealing by comparison

- In fact, I suspect that the primary charge that would be obtained by women on this would be the sense of power getting men all over the world excited at the sight of them. A secondary charge might be to directly counter the porn use, and justify by claiming it is equivalent as a flip side of a scenario.

 

I do not believe that women get genuine sexual satisfaction out of revenge-against-porn displays of themselves, or simply knowing that they are causing others to come by looking at them.

 

I think a more valid cleft between the male and female sexual outlets that don't include each other revolve around fantasy.

 

Everyone masturbates, and everyone has fantasies to facilitate it. I think what men need to facilitate masturbation is different in some ways than for women. I think there is also a difference in degrees. That is to say, it is much more likely for a man to get obsessed with porn than for women.

 

I would like to hear from both sides about this angle.

 

As a woman, when I fantasize it tends to be about situations and not so much people. Of course, there are other people involved but they are generic...I don't fantasize about the specific person I saw online, nor about the cute neighbor down the street, or even an image of a hot guy I saw at the mall.

 

I don't masturbate that often, but when I do, it is a pointed activity, not a protracted daydream about romance. I think strictly about sexual activities, some of which I would want to do in real life, but many others that I would never dream of doing and know that I would not actually enjoy them in real life. It takes me about 5 minutes to rip off 4 or 5 quick orgasms, and then I'm done. Back to life.

 

I only speak for myself as a woman and have no idea what other women do because I have talked with them about it less than I have with guys.

 

But most guys have told me that it is virtually a reflex with them. They see hot goings on and they jerk off to them. Then they too are done.

 

The things I don't understand about the male version (according to what I have heard which is by no means comprehensive) are the idea that these thoughts linger in their minds as they go about their day. That seems counterintuitive to the popular notion that woman have elaborate ongoing daydreams about Prince Charming in their fantasy life, when in my experience it seems like men more often have these reminiscing thoughts routinely rolling around in their minds.

 

The other thing I don't understand, somewhat related, is why some men can watch porn for hours. I suppose this is what would be considered the entertainment value, but porn has no entertainment value for me. OK once I went to a porn drive-in theatre and we turned down the speakers and provided our own dialogue and that was entertaining. But, when I look at porn on very rare occasions (3x a year maybe?) it is only for about 5 minutes and honestly if I don't get off in that 5 minutes, the visual stimulation starts to bore me and I've lost the opportunity...I am not denying the appeal of long term viewing, I simply don't understand it.

 

Oh one last one, I don't think it occurs in many women's masturbating minds that they would REALLY like to f**k a specific person, whereas I think guys do and sometimes get standoffish or resentful at their SO because they can't...even though they intellectually understand why.

 

Anyway, I think that the only thing you can compare is fantasy to fantasy. And when you do that, the only real difference that seems clear to me is that men are best served by visual images and I think this is more of a mental picture for women.

 

In the end, you are using a fantasy in order to achieve an orgasm, whether it be online, a racy section of a novel, or your own sweet little imagination. I don't see why the source of the fantasy should be such a sticking point. In most cases for either sex, the source is not their SO so what's the diff?

 

The sticking point for me again is disrespecting and depriving your SO by withdrawing too much into the fantasy world at the expense of a healthy adult sexual relationship.

 

Women are simply not that inclined to do this. I truly don't want to have sex with anyone except my husband. I only think of faceless type scenarios, or him, when I masturbate. Part of it might have to do with my wild past and becoming jaded as a result (been there, f**ked that) but I think more comes from not caring anymore about "newness", etc. I am way more into trying to up the intimacy at home.

 

So when men see attractive coworkers, strangers on the street, porn stars online, etc and use them for "inspiration", that seems more personal to me. And does cause insecure feelings I admit. BUT I have also been told by most men that they do not think of these people as anything but sexual helpmates, and never daydream about leaving the wife for the skank (except when actual affairs happen, but that's another topic)...these "people" serve a purpose - offer visual stimulation conducive to busting a nut without incorporating pain in the ass emotional stuff or expectation of reciprocity.

[luvstarved]

If I wanted and was getting sex 4-5 times per week, I wouldn't care if she had a lifesize and anatomically correct Justin Timberlake statue next to the bed. And I think that's part of how many man and women see this differently. Men see their partner watching porn and think "She's really wishing she could do that with me". Women see their partner watching porn and think "He's really wishing he could do that with her".

 

In your example, I'd see myself as the beneficiary of all that sexual energy...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I agree more or less. I say my H is SSDD and I am SDDS in our fantasies, his being "Same stuff, different doll" and mine "Same Doll, Different Stuff".

Hope we can work something out...

[tanbark813]

Great post, luvstarved.

[White Flower]

Well my current gf actually has a really high sex drive. Mine is healthy but she definitely outpaces me. We have sex about 2x a day on average during the days I see her (generally all weekend and a weekday here or there). On top of that it's not uncommon for her to masturbate once or twice a day. Sometimes it's when I'm in the bathroom. Other times it's when we're on the couch watching TV and pretty much anything could be on. Sometimes I help her out and sometimes she just does her thing. Either way it's hot.

 

She never uses porn when she masturbates at my place. (We've only watched it once together which I really enjoyed and she seemed to as well.) If she did use porn while she were masturbating I don't think it would bother me. I think I would just get more turned on. As long as I'm not being denied sex, I think we'd be good to go.

You sound like one lucky man, Tanbark;)