ajuliafan Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 So about a 1 1/2 weeks agao, I made the horrible mistake of giving another guy my number. I wasn't even interested but he had broguht me flowers and lunch and I didnt know how to turn him down. Regardless, I texted him for only one day and then called it off. My boyfriend found the text where I said I didn't want to text this guy anymore and broke things off eith me. I was hurt and pleaded for a second chance. Finally, after a couple of days my boyfriend admitted he missed me and wanted to try again but go slow. We aren't together so I asked him if we are seeing other people or where we stand. He didnt really answer the question. I want to be in a relationship with him but at the same time how long am I suppose to wait?? Should I meet other guys right now, because he may never trust me enough to be in a realtionship. I dont want to waste my time hoping if he is going to talk to other girls etc... HELP!!
dazed.1 Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Why are you waiting for him to make the decision? Since you are tired of waiting and are wanting to (and did) see other people, maybe you should tell him you are through and move on with yourself. Personally I think it is a sign if you feel the desire to see/meet other people, maybe this relationship isn't what you want...it's just comfortable....
carrotgirl Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Why was your boyfriend reading your messages? I don't think you did anything wrong. I don't think your other gentleman friend did anything wrong either. You aren't married, you aren't engaged and it's perfectly normal to accept that kind of attention from a would-be pursuer. Or a friend for that matter. You decided you didn't want to be pursued and that's your business. You didn't cheat and you didn't do anything to be ashamed of. Even if you were betrothed, it can be hard to know how to handle certain situations politely and graciously. I've been in situations before where men (and women for that matter) have given me gifts and I felt uncomfortable and unsure of how to best conduct myself. Now here's a pickle! The surgeon who is about to remove the stitches from your hand gives you a birthday present. What to do? But back to my original question, since you brought up trust and wondering if your boyfriend can trust you. Do you think you can trust a guy who invaded your privacy? Was that the first time he looked through your messages? Carrot
carrotgirl Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Why were you even giving out your number to other men? What did you expect your boyfriend to do? Ofcourse he had to break up with you. Omar, at any given time any of us has the right to walk away from any other. Whether or not we like this fact is another story but even a marriage bond is not equivalent with ownership. The fact is, the OP accepted flowers, lunch and some brief, limited correspondence from a gentleman. All things that would have been socially acceptable for an unbetrothed woman a hundred years ago. Carrot
justaman99 Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 The fact is, the OP accepted flowers, lunch and some brief, limited correspondence from a gentleman. All things that would have been socially acceptable for an unbetrothed woman a hundred years ago. Carrot I wholeheartedly disagree. Even 100 years ago if a woman wasn't engaged doesn't mean it's acceptable today. It's not. You don't accept gifts from another sex when you are in a committed relationship period. You say as Omar mentioned, I have a boyfriend and deny the gifts and any correspondence.
carrotgirl Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 Wow. These are blatantly sexist double standards. If this had been a guy relating this story, the responses would look very different. He would be given encouragement for realizing the error of his ways and told the poor girl was overreacting and had no right to invade his privacy I'm sure. And don't even get me started on the lack of consideration for same-sex couples in your argument. Put down your flint knappers and embrace the present era. Where does this grandiose and impossible ideal of dating, even dating exclusively, being the equivalent of commitment come from? Dating is not commitment. If you want a commitment, seal the deal and good luck to you. Commitment = Commitment. Everything leading up to commitment is courtship, possibly protracted courtship, but courtship nonetheless. If it's not leading to commitment, it's booty, it's friendship, it's an understanding (often one-sided), it's some kind of a relationship, it's whatever, but it's not a commitment. Yes, if people have an understanding that their particular arrangement is equivalent to commitment, then even if it's not upheld by the law of the land, I would agree that is a commitment. What the OP has is a boyfriend. Not a commitment. And once again, commitment does not confer ownership. Commitment as we all know doesn't even guarantee longevity let alone fidelity. So what are you trying to establish as the norm? Are you suggesting that a partner is chattel? Or when in a committed relationship, it's not acceptable to make new friends? Or that all friends must first pass a partner inspection and sign off? Does no one else find it unacceptable that her boyfriend invaded her privacy and read her messages? Such as devices are, going through one's phone is often the same as reading correspondence, and sometimes it is the actual email correspondence! Are we condoning that now? Perhaps the OP showed her boyfriend the messages herself? She told her BF that she accepted a bit of sandwich, some flowers and shared some texts on one (1) day. That's possible and then your arguments still fail because if that was the case, she was disclosing and communicating. Carrot
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