SadBabyGirl Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Ill try to summarize this up because it is a little lengthy. About 7 months ago, through a friend of mine I met this incredible guy, whom I fell madly for. It was an online thing, as my friend lives far away, so when I saw a photo of them together, my mouth dropped open and I had to know right away who he was. It was a very spiritual feeling, this connection I felt, I just knew right away he would be the type that I would want to marry, to father my children, my soulmate I had painted a portrait of in my mind.....but never met. I added him on messenger.. we chatted right away and found out we had tons in common. I felt like I was on cloud 9 ... however he had a girlfriend at the time but it didnt stop me from chatting with him in a platonic way. I couldn't understand how he could love her either, when I know we are perfect and I was right under his nose. After a few months he found out she was cheating on him and was hurt very badly and I was there for him. I built him up, made him feel good about himself and was very nurturing and empathetic towards his needs. He REALLY began to open up to me....because he didn't feel threatened. About 5-6 months later I was traveling to his town to see him and my friends. When we met, I just knew again right away just like in the photo... however things changed. He is the shy type (wikipedia loveshy and you know what I mean) withdrawn, avoids eye contact, talks and chatters away nervously and isn't sexually experienced but that does not matter to me..he is very kind and caring. I felt attached wayy too quickly and because I knew I was leaving town I felt I had to act fast. I wrote him a love letter and stuffed it into his jeans pocket along with a necklace a few days before I left. Because we were both busy we didnt spend that much time together as I would have wanted, nor did things go romantically, due to his hectic schedule and he being the shy type and I being the bold, outspoken, extroverted type. After reading the letter he said it made him feel weird... I asked if he had feelings for me and he said he did not know. After I arrived home, I noticed he was not talking to me as much anymore, so I began to keep my distance and I've noticed that whenever I do not call, txt or appear online he usually misses me and begins to talk to me as we use to. I really love this guy and I feel he is worth waiting for... however I don't want to feel that giving that letter and telling him my feelings was a mistake. I was hoping that he would be happy with the fact that someone DID love him and isn't out to hurt him like that mean girl did. But I've noticed he responds to me more with NC than if I am easily available. There is an 8 year age difference yes, but we are both mature adults and that should not matter. I am not ready for marriage or children anyhow at this time in my life, I just want a long term harmonious relation with this guy and I am afraid I may have blown it though I cannot admit it to myself and I keep hanging on to hope. I know he likes me because he had shown me empathy, affection and many caring actions but I dont know if he 'likes' me in that way or will with time. Any Suggestions ?
SeraBella Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 All I could think while reading was "Calm down." You have him so built up in your head...you had him built up before you even talked to him. You cannot know that you will love someone from looking at their photo. And, yes, you did get to know him online before meeting him, but you need the chemistry that comes when you are physically with one another for a lasting relationship. Many people who are awkward and shy in person seem social and extroverted online - just ask anyone who has ever used a online dating and they can tell you that. It does not seem that he is able to reciprocate the feelings you have right now. I would not recommend waiting for him. You don't know if he will ever feel the same, and he's not in close proximity to you. You can remain friends, but you should move on with your life. If it happens eventually, so be it, but it doesn't sound like a situation "worth waiting for" right now.
amymarieca Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 I am afraid I have to agree with the "calm down" statement above. I must admit though that I did something very similar a while ago. I had this big picture of someone built up in my mind and it ended up being the exact opposite. I thought he was "the one" before we even started dating or became friends. When we finally did start dating, it was very intense and the relationship moved fast. I told him very quickly that I was in love with him. That was a huge mistake. He ended up breaking up with me and I was devastated. To be honest, and I can prove this from experiences I have had, men don't really like it when women come on too strong, especially when it comes to "feelings." I think the note thing was a little too much. If a guy really wants to be with you, trust me, he will find a way to make that happen. I assume though that by your actions that you are a little younger. It is easy to be naive when it comes to love at a young age. That is okay though. I am not trying to make you feel bad about it. I was there once too, and learned some very hard lessons. It happens to everyone.
just-a-girl Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 I think that you really can see someone and the very first time you see them feel as though you have a connection with them. I was like that with my X the very first time I saw him I knew there was something different about him, however, I did not know that he was the ONE. I just knew that I needed to know more, it did not work out in the end but we spent 5 great years together. Even though it did not work I would not change a thing. I do admit I agree with the others tone it down your enthusiasm can scare people away.
Author SadBabyGirl Posted June 28, 2008 Author Posted June 28, 2008 Thanks Everyone:D I guess I got a little too excited there... I have always been one that is upfront, my friend says I am very bold and outspoken because I always 'leap and then learn' as I call it. I am very busy in my career and university now, but we still chat here and there. I noticed he gets closer to me now that I am busy and not online or as easy to talk to. I know I shouldn't wait around but I know hes very caring and nurturing and worth waiting for if anything he is still my friend and I am happy and thankful that he stays in my life at least. No loss this way
torranceshipman Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 I don't think there's anything to wait for, sweetie, he sounds like he's not interested in you at all. You sound like a really sweet girl, but it'd be silly for you to waste your time at university pining for a guy who isnt interested, when you should be out having fun and meeting other cute guys....if you hold onto any hope, you wont be emotionally open to meeting new guys, or you'll always be unfavourably comparing new guys to this friend of yours - don't waste your time!! If he's as lovely as you say, appreciate him as a friend but he doesn't want any more than that. Hope you meet someone else lovely then you'll forget all about him
torranceshipman Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 ps hope that didnt sound too harsh...it's just good to move on sometimes and I dont like the idea of you setting yourself up for any more disappointments - I am sure you deserve a lot more than that!
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