Sleep schedules, how important is it?

[porter218]

What is she doing from 1-3am?

[Trialbyfire]

I am saying if you live with someone, and your significant other goes to bed much later than you, and wakes up much later.

 

To be more specific, I go to bed around 1, and wake up at 6 or 7. She would go to bed around 3, and wake up at 12. I tried to talk to her about this, and she became pretty defensive. She said that was her cycle, and always has been.

 

In my opinion, it is as if she loses most of the day, everyday of her life. Things like work, errands, cleaning, shopping, should in my opinion take place during the day while i am at work. So that when I come home we can relax and be together. Not a messy house, her on different eating schedules, her just going to the gym while I am getting home etc. It seems to make a mess of everything.

 

 

I like much about her, however how can this be rectified? To be honest, I work, and she doesn't, so I feel my schedule is more important. Even if you live with someone, it can be lonely to go to bed and wake up alone, all the time.

Why isn't she working? Are you supporting her? Do you have children?

[Siciliana]

Bones....

I am inately nocturnal. I feel my best late at night. I HATE mornings. If I didn't have kids, I would sleep til noon on my days off. I get up at 6am and am to work by 715am. I am not lazy. I am working towards my CPA. I am a hard worker, but I love rest and relaxation. On my days off the LAST thing I want to do is get up early to get stuff done.

 

Now, that being said, I am SURE you were annoyed at how long it took your ex to get up. But, imagine how annoyed she was with you (if you would ever try to wake her up) at the bouncy, happy morning person (I'm projecting here) that didn't get the fact that she needed her sleep.

 

Sleep is a rare precious commodity that I don't get enough of. Between going to work and school full time and being a parent, when I get down time, I take it. The last thing I want to do is get up and dust or something.

 

It is rough when two people share two different views on how things should be. I guess that is why there is compromise.

[bones1]

From 1-3 she just watches tv, and claims she cannot sleep. She said she has problems sleeping.

 

And aridane, women like you seem to be few and far between. I dated many women, and have not come across many that are so helpful.(Maybe the ones that are so helpful get snatched up much quicker?)

 

She is from South America, and stayed with me for 2 months. We have been dating for about 8.

[Ariadne]

She is from South America, and stayed with me for 2 months. We have been dating for about 8.

 

So am I. And as far as traditon goes, my father never has to get up to get a glass of water. My mother brings it to him. Nevermind the house is spotless all the time and the elaborate meals.

 

I kind of like that, but if I loved a guy, I'd go to bed with him and get up with him or about that time.

 

I read somewhere that one of the signs relationships are going bad is in the sleep paterns. They start to go south.

 

I think your problem goes beyond sleeping paterns, but that's just my take.

[bones1]

I completely agree. To me it is a sign that something is definitely not right. Thats why I started the thread, to see if others have similar issues, or if I might be over reacting, etc.

 

My mother and father had a similar relationship to your parents, but they are of a different generation, and European. I tend to be more old fashioned, where as today it seems people are more independent of each other?

 

As an example, we ate as a family the same time everyday, everyone went to bed the same time etc.

 

She is Brazilian, her parents divorced, she was given a home,car,maid, and monthly check from her wealthy father at the age of 18,(now she is 32 and lived alone for 14 years and never worked, which led to her being depressed?) and never had a home or family life, as her single mother worked, and she was always alone.

 

So sometimes I wonder if people who grow up much differently see things different(such as going to bed at the same time), or if it is what i am thinking, and she isn't into me?

[Ariadne]

if it is what i am thinking, and she isn't into me?

 

Well, it sounds like she is spoiled and not much into you.

[porter218]

bones, you need to make her get a part-time job. Nothing serious, just something for her to do, and something she enjoys. I am thinking this will resolve this issue rather quickly. This woman is suffering from a lack of direction in life, probably due to her upbringing.

[Storyrider]

...make her get a part-time job...

 

That will be very fatherly of him. He should give her a curfew also. Then their relationship would be perfect.

[bones1]

What story rider said made sense to me.. I spent too much time trying to tell her how to live, and the attraction dissipated.

 

It was a tough situation as she told me she wanted to change her life, be independent of her father, work, etc, so I tried to push her in that direction.

In a way I was kind of stuck in that role. Encouraging her, coming up with ideas, nudging her etc, as I felt that is what she wanted and needed.

 

She never had a a reason to wake up for 15 years, so maybe I was naive to think she would come here and be an early bird automatically.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

She is 32 and has never worked?????!!!???

 

That is lame. I know people who are from very wealthy backgrounds. Some of them started work much later than others, but they all work to some degree. She has no direction. No reason to get up. No drive. Yuck. How boring. How sad. i feel sorry for her.

 

You state that she wants to be independant from her father. Does she want to gain her own independance, or just shift the dependance to someone else?

 

I agree with the poster who said she should get a part time job. Something to start off with. Does she like clothes? Maybe she could get a sales job at a clothing store. If you like the style of the store it could be fun. Does she like gardening/nature stuff? She could get a job in a flower shop. Something small to jump start her working life.

 

I feel sorry for this girl and for you. There's hope, though, if you both want it.

 

The question is, does she really want to learn a new way of living? I can't imagine she is very happy now.

[Marzy_Monarch]

Actually my BF & I have this issue. He has a sleeping problem & no matter how tired he is he can never seem to get to sleep. He's up until 4am-5am some nights and rather than lie in bed with me & stare at the ceiling he tends to watch TV or go online instead. I like to sleep around 10pm-11pm so that I can get my 8 hours of sleep. Because of this I wake up rather early whereas he can sleep until 2pm some days. I don't see it as much of a problem since he sees me off to bed & holds me until I fall asleep & I wake up & hold him until he wakes up. I kind of like it. If he wasn't there to do this for me though I think I'd probably have more of a problem with it.

[flosslight]

I actually got both at the same time. I do think it was partly because the relationship was going south but also he just slept more than me.

 

He wanted me to go to bed with him and get up with him. I wanted to as well but he wanted to got to bed at 11pm and get up at 8am or 9pm. Way too much sleep for me. If I did my schedule, I both went to bed after him and got up before him. If I did his schedule, then I would be sleeping way too much and dragging during the day, or lazing around the bed being bored.

 

I guess I could have seen the lack of motivation in the amount he slept.

 

I'm more of a later riser but I'm a big believer of communication. Talk and see if something can be worked out.

[InLimbo2]

I grew up in a nuclear family. It was odd in the time, but my mother worked too. When we were little and needed someone with us, my mother worked nights and my father days - until we were old enough to be left alone. We did eat dinner all together until we 3 kids got older and had our own lives. As for bedtime - even when both parents worked days they didn't go to bed same time - mom needed more sleep than dad did. Us kids, once we got past having a 'bedtime" - after 8th grade or so - we all went to bed when we felt like it. I had/have that same rule in my house as a parent, as long as you could get up and function and get to school - you could stay up as late as you wanted. I discovered that teens learn real quick that being up all night isn't as much fun as it's cracked up to be when you have to make the bus the next morning I'm with a guy now that is a morning person - ugh - on my days off I can sleep til 10 or 11 no problem. When we have specific plans I get up early - have even gotten up at 3am to get to him to make a motorcycle ride. If he wakes before me, he enjoys his alone time - and I enjoy mine after he's gone to bed. Neither of us needs - or even wants - to be together every single minute of non-work time.

 

 

I completely agree. To me it is a sign that something is definitely not right. Thats why I started the thread, to see if others have similar issues, or if I might be over reacting, etc.

 

My mother and father had a similar relationship to your parents, but they are of a different generation, and European. I tend to be more old fashioned, where as today it seems people are more independent of each other?

 

As an example, we ate as a family the same time everyday, everyone went to bed the same time etc.

 

She is Brazilian, her parents divorced, she was given a home,car,maid, and monthly check from her wealthy father at the age of 18,(now she is 32 and lived alone for 14 years and never worked, which led to her being depressed?) and never had a home or family life, as her single mother worked, and she was always alone.

 

So sometimes I wonder if people who grow up much differently see things different(such as going to bed at the same time), or if it is what i am thinking, and she isn't into me?

[bones1]

I do wonder how the late sleeper would handle it if the tables have turned.

 

Let's say for some reason the late sleeper must go to bed earlier, and wake up earlier.

 

Would they be completely content when their same significant other then stays up all night and sleeps late? Would they resent that? Think the other is being lazy, because they are now the productive one during the day and early morning hours?

 

Or would they be completely accepting and understanding?

 

I tend to think in many cases the late sleeper whom is now forced to be an early riser will have many of the same issues the former early bird had with them.

[Carmen87]

I think it's pretty important.

 

My boyfriend and I take turns staying over each others apartments. We go to bed at the same time, and I find that it is during this time we REALLY talk to each other. Most times it is deep thoughts we have. I think this is important to bonding in the relationship. As for waking up, whoever wakes up first gets wake up the other. My boyfriend used to leave for class at 7, whereas I didn't have to leave until 9. He would still wake me up every morning to tell me goodbye, I love you, and kiss me. It was an important part of our day during the school year.

[Shygirl15]

So am I. And as far as traditon goes, my father never has to get up to get a glass of water. My mother brings it to him. Nevermind the house is spotless all the time and the elaborate meals.

 

I kind of like that, but if I loved a guy, I'd go to bed with him and get up with him or about that time.

 

I think your problem goes beyond sleeping paterns, but that's just my take.

 

Where I come from, it's pretty much like that too. A husband expects wife to do stuff around the house and take care of him too.

 

I am kind of a late sleeper too, I always sleep around 1am and my ex-HB sleeps at 10pm. However when we were still together, I used to get in bed with my him at his time, cuddle or do whatever business that is until he falls asleep. Then I wake and continue with my business, watch TV or whatever until I'm ready to sleep. He never bothered me in the morning whenever I slept late. I think if you really care about the person you're with, you can stretch a little.

[porter218]

You could also try to see if she would be interested in going back to school. Maybe you could get her interested in some kind of classes at a local college. I really think the key if help her find some kind of responsibility outside of the house.