bones1 Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Actually another thread led me to write this, but I have always been interested in this. How important is it for 2 people in a ltr to wake up together, and go to bed together on most nights? I feel my parents had a good relationship, and even though my mother did not work while married, she would be up at 5:30 to see my father off to work, have coffee, eat breakfast, etc. They also went to bed together at the same time as well. If you are an early riser like myself (I cant wait to wake up), do you view late sleepers as lazy or depressed? People who wake up around 10, 11, 12? Imagine spending a weekend together, and you have to wait half a day for them to get out of bed. When i am eating lunch after doing 20 things around the home, my ex would be pulling herself out of bed. What would a marriage or ltr be like, when your significant other won't go to bed when you do, (no love making before bed), and wont wake up when you do.(Never have anyone to share your mornings with, have coffee, am sex, etc. ) Would that be an issue?
sb129 Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 To me, its quite important. Obviously its not something that has to be adhered to rigidly, but my SOs and my daily routine is pretty similar, which means we have free time at about the same time, so its easy to spend time together. I think I would find it hard if I had to get up earlier than him and go to work while he was still sleeping, or I was waiting for him to get home late at night (i need my sleep!). I am sure people with different schedules do make it work, but I am glad its something that isn't an issue in my R.
kory11 Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 I was in that situation a little while ago (though not married, just dating), but I do think this could be an issue. When we would plan something for the weekend, I either woke her up and she was cranky all day, or I waited and I was cranky all day So I don't think that I would of wanted to do that all my life, and it was about the only issue we had together for a long while.. (even though I eventually would of stopped being cranky ) Hope I could help
AriaIncognito Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 I think time spent in bed together for a couple is probably one of the most important times of the day. It's not only a place for sleeping or playing, it's also a place where people sometimes share about their day and whatnot. Now, there are tons of marriages that survive with 2 people of differing schedules, but I know for me personally, I love being with/cuddling/talking etc and you can't have that if you are going to bed/getting up at different times. I'm actually faced with the potential of this issue soon, as I'm dating someone who routinely gets up much earlier than I do. I've noticed that I've started waking up naturally a lot earlier than I used to, but I'm still a far cry away from his hours lol. We'll see what happens when/if we start sharing a bed once in a while. Anyway, I think that for you, it's something that's obviously important, so you'd need to talk about it/come to a happy medium, if you're with someone that your schedule is totally different than.
KinAZ Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 I think it's pretty important. I had an ex (who didn't last very long) would often take weed naps, which actually cut into our date time. No fun calling a guy because he asked you to call and wake him up before hand, and him telling you to call back in 15 minutes, like you're an alarm clock. On the other hand, when I would stay at my ex's house, I would still be sleeping while he was getting up and getting ready. It wasn't because I was lazy or a late sleeper, but rather because I had been up early the morning before, and late the night before, and as a mother of two, I need my rest (when I can). Sleeping over there, when I could, gave me a luxury I didn't have at home. LOL (The thing I miss most about him.) So, if you guys aren't living together, just because the other party sleeps late when you're together doesn't necessarily mean they always do that. But yeah, I could see it causing problems for me personally if the person was ALWAYS sleeping when I was up. Sometimes work related issues can cause that, and so... many couples do find a way to work around it.
Shygirl15 Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 I like to mention the fact that I'm not a morning person to the guy I am dating, early on in a relationship so that nobody is suprised later on. I have to get up early during the week because of work, however I'm not so keen to wake up on weekends. I would prefer a mate who doesn't mind lazying around in bed with me on weekend mornings. Early risers kinda annoy me, I consider them uptight.
Author bones1 Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 If I am with my significant other, I am the type of person that bends more. If they want to go to bed at 11, and I am used to going to bed at 1, I have no problem going to bed a bit early to spend some time in bed with them. If they want to wake up at 9 on a late day, or 7 on another day, I accommodate that. I really feel bad inside seeing them go to bed alone, especially if I know they want me to come with them. So I do not understand why some people are so rigid? They insist on going to bed and waking up exactly when they did when they were single. Do you find that to be a sign of selfishness? Do you think your significant other should wake up and see you off to work , if they do not work and you are supporting them?
KinAZ Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 So I do not understand why some people are so rigid? They insist on going to bed and waking up exactly when they did when they were single. Do you find that to be a sign of selfishness? Do you think your significant other should wake up and see you off to work , if they do not work and you are supporting them? If there are were no other factors keeping me from readjusting my schedule I certainly would do that for my mate, and I can't understand why others wouldn't either. Then again, I'm not an anti-morning person. I'm flexible, as long as I have enough rest. My parents were opposites like that though. My dad is up with the roosters, and my mom still doesn't like to get up till she has to. My dad's current wife isn't a morning person either, but they make it work.
Gold Pile Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 In the early years of a relationship it's difficult if the pair sleep different hours. But long term couples often treasure having part of the day "away" from their ball and chain. If I had to have a wife I'd want her schedule to be different from mine so I wouldn't have to with her "all the time"
Bradie Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 I think it depends. You could see it as being either "I don't get to spend time with them; they're being selfish for wanting to lay around half the day" or you could try seeing it as "hey, I get to have this time to myself to do the things I want and that are important to me". It's important to remember that different people have different sleep cycles. Just because a person sleeps late doesn't mean they're lazy; that's just the way they're wired, through genetics, hormones and/including force of habit.
Storyrider Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 On some days it is fine for it to be like Goldpile says. I wouldn't like to be on totally opposite shifts to the point where we completely missed each other, but there are lots of times I want to do my own thing. On other days, (morning or night) it should be more like... Come to bed, now!!!! :love: :love:
Trialbyfire Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 Chirpy morning people don't belong with grumpy night owls. That is all!
Author bones1 Posted June 28, 2008 Author Posted June 28, 2008 As for myself, when I was in college I used to enjoy sleeping late. When I had a job after college, it would be very hard for me to get out of bed. Now I work for myself, and am much happier with what I am doing. So i am never sleeping past 6, and never have a problem waking up. So, some of you are saying sleeping late is genetic, or that is just your rhythm? If that is the case how can you ever build a life with a late sleeper? Unless you do everything for them, like work, take care of the kids, etc, and do it all alone? Thats why I feel it is a sign of depression, or not having things to do, and also being selfish. Someone else should wake up early to do everything for you? Would that same late sleeper still have an issue if they had a super high paying job they love, and a great life? Would they be popping out of bed? Or still saying "I like to sleep until 12. That is my natural cycle i am born with." Some women are single moms, have to work, do housework, take care of the kids etc. After a while I feel it becomes relative. Thats why I have an issue when I date a single woman with no job, no kids, and she says "thats just my natural cycle".
KinAZ Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 When I was in high school and college the first time, I was a late sleeping. It was SO hard to get me out of bed in the morning that my mom would pour water on me or whatever she had to do to get me up in grade school and hs. But much like yourself, when I started working a job I liked, I didn't mind getting up at 5 or 6. Same with me going back to school... I was enthusiastic about what I did, and so I didn't mind changing my schedule around. So, unless a person really is depressed, there's no way she's going to have children and not get up to tend to the baby. When the kids get older, however, they might be jumping on her on Saturday mornings to get her out of bed. But unless you have someone who is willing to pick up the slack for you, it's not even possible to sleep till noon.
sam light Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 When I was in high school and college the first time, I was a late sleeping. It was SO hard to get me out of bed in the morning that my mom would pour water on me or whatever she had to do to get me up.You should see what Chinese mother's did.
Ronni_W Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 As with everything else, it is an issue if one feels it is an issue, or one chooses to make it an issue. From the other perspective, the significant other can ALSO say, "you won't go to bed when I do" and "you refuse to get up when I do." And "Why don't you wait for me, so we can have night sex and/or morning sex? Why won't you honour my internal body clock?" Since it is important to you and it appears your body clock is "early worm", it does make sense to select a mate who shares this trait with you. Otherwise, resentment will build...for BOTH "early worm" and "night owl". But there is nothing inherently wrong or lacking in either, as I see it.
Ariadne Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 When i am eating lunch after doing 20 things around the home, my ex would be pulling herself out of bed. What would a marriage or ltr be like, when your significant other won't go to bed when you do, (no love making before bed), and wont wake up when you do.(Never have anyone to share your mornings with, have coffee, am sex, etc. ) Would that be an issue? Yes, that would be a huge issue for me too. I tend to get drowsy at about 10pm and I'm up at 5am most of the time. I had a bf that used to sleep late on the weekends and every time I looked at him I just wanted to kick him out of bed. Nothing sweet or cute about that, just get up already. (But maybe bc I didn't love him)
Storyrider Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 Things you can do while your guy is sleeping: Take a bath or shower Read a book Paint your nails Write poetry or in your journal, catch up on email, thank you notes, your novel Make some phone calls Post on LS Go shopping Go to the library or bookstore Go to work Watch a movie he wouldn't like anyway Hang out with a girlfriend Weed the garden Cook or clean (if you feel like it) Exercise Paint, knit, do crossword, sudoku, whatever Climb into bed with him and wake him up in a sexy way Climb into bed with him and snuggle
porter218 Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 Would that same late sleeper still have an issue if they had a super high paying job they love, and a great life? Would they be popping out of bed? Or still saying "I like to sleep until 12. That is my natural cycle i am born with." Some women are single moms, have to work, do housework, take care of the kids etc. After a while I feel it becomes relative. Thats why I have an issue when I date a single woman with no job, no kids, and she says "thats just my natural cycle". I have a high paying job I love, and a great life. And was a single mom on top of that for 9 months, and that just is my natural cycle. I have been that way since the day I was born. I just can't get up happily before 11am. I am forced to get up early for work about 2 days a week for travel but after those 2 days I feel like I have just survived a 2 day crack binge..ugh. In order to make up for this I stay up late to make sure the housework is done and everything is in order. It has nothing to do with depression for me. Lucky for me this is also my sons natural schedule so no one in the house is up early. But I agree that it is important for you to go to bed at the same time as your SO, It isn't even a choice for me. My body will not let me go to sleep until my husband is next to me in bed, no matter how late it is. However the getting up together part I had to give up on. Both my schedule and my husbands schedule very so much from day to day that it is just impossible. Some days I have to leave for work at 7 am and others not until 1pm, my husbands is the same way so the one who has to get up early makes breakfast for everyone and brings it to bed to eat with the other and then says goodbye and the one who can sleep late goes back to sleep.
AriaIncognito Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 I agree as well that it has nothing to do with depression for many people. I have always been part of the 'late crew' and only recently have found myself getting up much earlier than i used to (which still has me getting up later than most morning people). At my happiest, I was still getting up late. My then boyfriend was the same way. I truly do think that if you're just used to living that way, that's how you continue. I'm not sure why you insinuate that other people must be doing stuff for the late getter uppers. I live on my own. Nobody does jack sh*t for me. So why is it your assumption? Just because we aren't up at 6 or 7 doesn't mean we can't accomplish stuff. Personally, I accomplish things until 1-2am, when you morning people are dead to the world lol. It's all relative.
Trialbyfire Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 Okay, I'll address this topic a little more seriously. As previously mentioned by Ronni, it only becomes an issue if you make it an issue. I don't sleep much. A night owl who wakes up early, if not chirpy. My ex slept even less than I did/do, although both of us needed about one day a week to catch-up on our sleep. While we mostly went to bed together, it didn't mean the other person was forced to remain in bed...afterwards... or to get up when the first person got up. Having said all this, if the sleep sched is totally opposite or one person sleeps forever, yes, it would annoy me.
Storyrider Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 Getting up early is ingrained in many Americans as a moral issue because of our roots in the Protestant work ethic.
Author bones1 Posted June 28, 2008 Author Posted June 28, 2008 I am saying if you live with someone, and your significant other goes to bed much later than you, and wakes up much later. To be more specific, I go to bed around 1, and wake up at 6 or 7. She would go to bed around 3, and wake up at 12. I tried to talk to her about this, and she became pretty defensive. She said that was her cycle, and always has been. In my opinion, it is as if she loses most of the day, everyday of her life. Things like work, errands, cleaning, shopping, should in my opinion take place during the day while i am at work. So that when I come home we can relax and be together. Not a messy house, her on different eating schedules, her just going to the gym while I am getting home etc. It seems to make a mess of everything. I like much about her, however how can this be rectified? To be honest, I work, and she doesn't, so I feel my schedule is more important. Even if you live with someone, it can be lonely to go to bed and wake up alone, all the time.
Storyrider Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 I am saying if you live with someone, and your significant other goes to bed much later than you, and wakes up much later. To be more specific, I go to bed around 1, and wake up at 6 or 7. She would go to bed around 3, and wake up at 12. I tried to talk to her about this, and she became pretty defensive. She said that was her cycle, and always has been. In my opinion, it is as if she loses most of the day, everyday of her life. Things like work, errands, cleaning, shopping, should in my opinion take place during the day while i am at work. So that when I come home we can relax and be together. Not a messy house, her on different eating schedules, her just going to the gym while I am getting home etc. It seems to make a mess of everything. I like much about her, however how can this be rectified? To be honest, I work, and she doesn't, so I feel my schedule is more important. Even if you live with someone, it can be lonely to go to bed and wake up alone, all the time. I feel your pain. But do you want to make it your life's mission to alter this when she claims she doesn't even want to change it? You will get yourself right out of a romance and into a parent-child relationship. There is no quicker way to kill the chemistry. If she actively wanted to change it for her own well-being, that would be different. But she has to genuinely want it, not just to get you to shut up about it or because she feels guilty. If she likes things the way they are or enough so that she's not motivated to change, I suggest you either make your peace with it or think about calling it quits.
Ariadne Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 how can this be rectified? To be honest, I work, and she doesn't, so I feel my schedule is more important. Even if you live with someone, it can be lonely to go to bed and wake up alone, all the time. It seems to me like she doesn't love you. She is just taking you for granted and doesn't care to spend quality time with you. If I were with a guy that I loved, I'd make sure the house was perfect when he got home, food was ready, and there's no way he'd go to bed without me. Seems almost like she is avoiding you. But then, you support her and that's cool for her.
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