Trust

[meltona2]

I’m 23 and my girlfriend is 19. We have been together for about four months. She is a Mormon (I only mention this because they are against drinking), and I am an unaffiliated Christian. Before we started dating, she told me that she didn’t want me to get drunk in front of her if we were to start dating. This was fine by me as I rarely drink and when I do, I don’t get drunk.

 

On June 14th one of my closest friends got married. When I asked her to go to the wedding with me, she said that she would go, but didn’t want me to drink at all in front of her. I argued that I should be able to drink, as long as I didn’t go overboard and stopped drinking long before I had to drive. I should note that she doesn’t have her driver’s license. After talking about this a number of times, she told me that if I wanted to, I could drink at the wedding as long as it was only a couple. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t need to drink to have a good time, but I don’t like being told that I can’t do something.

 

The day of the wedding, on the way from the church to the reception she told me that her parents would not let her ride with me if I had even one drink. I told her that she could just lie to her parents and that they didn’t need to know everything that I did. We talked about it for awhile and when we walked into the reception hall I was under the impression that I could drink if I wanted to, but she didn’t want to know about it so she could tell her parents honestly that, as far as she knew, I didn’t drink. Unfortunately, she walked away with the impression that I had agreed not to drink.

 

The reception started at six and I had one vodka and cranberry juice that I finished by six thirty. That was the only drink I had. We left the wedding at nine thirty, three hours later.

On the drive home, she dialed her mom’s cell phone number to tell her that we were on the way home. As she dialed, she asked me if I had had anything to drink. I told her that I hadn’t because I thought that she wanted me to reassure her so that she could lie to her mom and get away with it. As we talked on the way to her house, I realized that there was a problem and that she didn’t realize that I had had the one drink. I didn’t intend to deceive her, so I came out with it and told her about it.

 

She was upset, but I explained things from my point of view and she seemed to understand. Tomorrow will be two weeks since this happened and we are still not over it. We have fought at least three or four times over it and she has broken up with me over it each time. After I call her back and beg her not to leave me, we go back to being together and she says that she forgives me for what I did but that she will need time to start to trust me again. I didn’t intend to deceive her.

 

Further, she thinks that I put her life in danger by driving after drinking. Now I understand how dangerous alcohol can be, but I had one drink and waited three hours to drive. I think that I acted very responsibly and don’t feel that I put her in danger at all. When I tell her that she tells me that I don’t know what I am talking about.

 

I think that she should be able to trust me and move past this. What do I need to do to earn back her trust? Is it even possible? I love her so much, I really don’t want to lose her over this stupid mistake, but I don’t want to stay with her if she isn’t ever going to trust me again. Please help. I am so confused.

 

Thanks,

Tony

[rproctor]

Man, that is definitely extreme... Yea, I understand that drinking + driving = bad... But one drink in three hours... Thats not dangerous... Unless you are like 80 pounds and that was the first drink you had in years, and you chugged it right before you left... In which case, it might be dangerous... But I doubt seriously doubt that you were putting her in danger...

 

Man if she flips about this hard, then she might definitely have problems dealing with more severe issues... Imagine if a year from now you two live together, you go out one night for a friends birthday, or bachelor party, and you get drunk, really drunk! What is she going to do? She cant control you like that, and as long as you do things in moderation she should be cool with it...

 

Hell, maybe if she had a few drinks she would realize its not a big deal.

[meltona2]

I went to my friend bachelor party the week before the wedding. Drinks, stripper, the whole nine yards and she didn't make an issue out if it. She is just paranoid because of her past experiences with alcohol. Her dad used to drink quite a bit. He doesn't call himself an alcoholic, but he sure has the signs of one. When she was five her dad thought he would be funny so he gave her a swig of whiskey. She says that she got drunk, which wouldn't surprise me because she was five and probably didn't weigh more than fifty pounds. So, in a way, I can see where she is coming from. I just want her to trust me again. I don't care if I never drink again.